Day 139, self quarantine:
Friday, July 31, 2020
Woo, I am really happy to see Friday. This was a tough week.
So yesterday Gary came home with a “vegan” cake from the farmers market and I remembered it was
Julie’s half birthday so we celebrated with ice cream and blackberries, too, because why the hell not.
There’s quotes around vegan because that’s what Gary told me it was.
However, after one forkful...
“Mmm! This cake is delicious! This is vegan? It tastes like there’s a pound of butter in here.” I looked at Gary skeptically.
“It’s vegan! The lady I bought it from calls herself the Vegan Baker.”
I took another forkful. Was that sour cream? This was like the best pound cake I ever ate in my life. No fucking way was it made with applesauce or mashed bananas or any other plant life vegans like to fantasize taste like fat.
“Where’s the wrapper? I want to see the ingredients.”
“It’s vegan,” Gary insisted.
“Sure it is. Where’s the wrapper?” I was already in the kitchen, I had it in my hands.
“Sugar...vanilla...flour...butter....sour cream.”
Haha, sour cream. I’m good.
“Gar, the label says she’s the Vegetarian Baker.”
“Okay, sorry, I thought she said vegan. She’s a vegetarian baker.”
Now normally I’d make a remark isn’t all cake vegetarian, but having been unwittingly poisoned by banana chocolate chip bread pudding made with bacon fat at North Third Cafe...
Bacon fat in dessert. Who fucking came up with that travesty.
I never really got over the trauma.
Anyway, yeah, the pound cake was beyond delicious.
And the ice cream was vegan and the blackberries organic so in the world according to Robin, that mitigated the damage of the butter and sour cream.
“I bet that means there’s no lard in her cakes,” Gary added helpfully.
“Ew, thanks, I never even considered lard.” Yeah, yeah, I know it makes a flaky pie crust but ew, I can’t, I’ve been a vegetarian for over ten years.
Anyway, I highly recommend having cake and ice cream on a weeknight for no apparent reason though it was kinda funny that I remembered about Julie cos’ cake and ice cream will always remind me of birthday parties.
Speaking of parties, I’m throwing the biggest one in history, even if it’s just Gary and me, when that motherfucker resigns next week.
Oh, it’s happening.
We’re gonna have French fries AND pound cake.
Anyway, yeah, the pound cake was beyond delicious.
And the ice cream was vegan and the blackberries organic so in the world according to Robin, that mitigated the damage of the butter and sour cream.
“I bet that means there’s no lard in her cakes,” Gary added helpfully.
“Ew, thanks, I never even considered lard.” Yeah, yeah, I know it makes a flaky pie crust but ew, I can’t, I’ve been a vegetarian for over ten years.
Anyway, I highly recommend having cake and ice cream on a weeknight for no apparent reason though it was kinda funny that I remembered about Julie cos’ cake and ice cream will always remind me of birthday parties.
Speaking of parties, I’m throwing the biggest one in history, even if it’s just Gary and me, when that motherfucker resigns next week.
Oh, it’s happening.
We’re gonna have French fries AND pound cake.
In other news, how do you like my rainbow fork? Gary came home from Aldi last week with an entire 40 piece service for eight. Forks, salad forks, tablespoons etc.
😂😂😂😂😂
Julie and Eric, I apologize in advance. I promise I will prepare Codicils to our Wills so you can easily find the good stuff and just hire a few hundred people to remove everything else.
Aw, I kid. I like the kitschy rainbow Aldi silverware. It’s been making me smile since he brought it home.
I just know I’m weeks away from seeing an article about someone whose entire house is furnished in Aldi.
Oh god, it’s me, isn’t it.
Haha oh I’m kidding.
Anyhoo...
I’m a little giddy today. No idea why, I just am, I guess it’s because the new bird feeder and bird bath will be here and as long as it’s not monsooning, I will be outside talking to the birds all weekend.
It could be a lot worse.
I could be Melania.
Ew, no, I could never be Melania, I’d rather be deep fried alive.
Kinda the way her husband’s been looking the last couple of days.
Woo, when caked orange clown makeup gets sweaty wet, it’s all kinds of vomitatious, huh.
Oh well. So that’s yet another thing to be grateful for.
I am not Escort Barbie Melania.
And with that, I’m off to the paralegal gig 😜
Happy Friday!
😂😂😂😂😂
Julie and Eric, I apologize in advance. I promise I will prepare Codicils to our Wills so you can easily find the good stuff and just hire a few hundred people to remove everything else.
Aw, I kid. I like the kitschy rainbow Aldi silverware. It’s been making me smile since he brought it home.
I just know I’m weeks away from seeing an article about someone whose entire house is furnished in Aldi.
Oh god, it’s me, isn’t it.
Haha oh I’m kidding.
Anyhoo...
I’m a little giddy today. No idea why, I just am, I guess it’s because the new bird feeder and bird bath will be here and as long as it’s not monsooning, I will be outside talking to the birds all weekend.
It could be a lot worse.
I could be Melania.
Ew, no, I could never be Melania, I’d rather be deep fried alive.
Kinda the way her husband’s been looking the last couple of days.
Woo, when caked orange clown makeup gets sweaty wet, it’s all kinds of vomitatious, huh.
Oh well. So that’s yet another thing to be grateful for.
I am not Escort Barbie Melania.
And with that, I’m off to the paralegal gig 😜
Happy Friday!
