Day 240

 

Day 240, self quarantine:

Monday, November 9, 2020

Oh man, doesn’t life feel glorious this morning?

My whole weekend was amazing.

Yesterday we went for a drive to get bagels and it was a peak autumn day in Philadelphia.  The skies were sunny and the trees a changing, fiery thing of beauty.

We opened up the screen door and watched the birds all afternoon.

The autumn air was amazing.  Our own yard was lit, our apple tree shades of honey and crimson as well.

Speaking of trees...

I have to break the news to Gary today we’re getting an artificial Christmas tree this year.

We’ve never had one, Gary hates them.  I am not a fan, either, I love a fresh cut tree.

I have a good reason for wanting an artificial one, though. Trees are a lot of work.  I have no one to help me decorate and let’s get real, there’s a pretty good chance Gary and I are spending Christmas alone this year.

So if I’m going to go to all this trouble, I want to put it up now.  And I would kind of like to leave it up until the kids can actually come for a visit.

So, an artificial tree.

Psychologically, having a tree up now will be wonderful.

Not putting one up at all this year isn’t an option though I admit that recently, in one of my darker moods, I considered it.

And I think environmentally, it’s probably better not to have a cut live tree anymore.

It will be nice to not be cleaning up needles months later, too.

Anyway, Gary is going to hate my plan and will say no at first, but I will win this one.

First world problems, I know.

The reason I say today is because after work, we have to go to the garden center and return the six foot dancing Santa I bought that looks like Gary so we may as well exchange it for a tree.

Oh my God, the Gary Santa is so creepy.

It actually looks like Gary if Gary died and I sent him to a taxidermist.

Gary took him out of the box Saturday and stood him up in the corner and Jake took one look at it, barked, ran away and hid under the table.

I hated it as soon as I saw it and I was even happily buzzed and drinking celebratory wine!

“Oh my God, Gary!”

“What?”

“Santa Gary is creeping me out!  Does he have an Alexa in him? It’s like he’s thinking terrible things about me. Look at his expression!”

“What?  You’re nuts,”Gary laughed.

Hell if I was.  Santa Gary was scary as fuck.

“Ew, he looks like he wants to murder me. His eyes are dead, they’re not twinkling Gary eyes.”

“His eyes are dead? It’s a toy, Rob.”

I looked at it warily.

“I don’t like the way it’s staring at me,” I said again, shivering. I grabbed the blanket I kept folded at the end of the sofa and wrapped it around myself.

“You just said it has dead eyes!” But I saw Gary recoil after looking at it, too.

“Omg, it’s moving!” I screamed!

“What?!” Gary jumped up, startled.

“I think it’s alive and coming toward me!” I shrieked in horror.

“It dances,” Gary gasped.  “You know that!”  He thought the whole thing was hilarious and collapsed on the sofa laughing.

“Omg, Gary please, where’s the box, we have to put him in it, omg omg omg I want to return him, he can’t stay here!”

Gary laughed so hard he doubled over.  I threw my blanket over Santa Gary’s head so I wouldn’t have to look at it.

So yeah, Santa Gary is getting returned today.

And an artificial tree will be purchased and decorated.

I’m stoked.

Ahhh, it’s so nice to be lighthearted and talk about this today instead of the election.

Or work.  I have more discovery this week but I’ve already determined that can be done by worker monkeys so I’m cool.

Ah work, ah Mondays.

Now I just gotta figure out an official retirement date 😎

Ain’t life grand.

Happy Monday indeed.