Happy Thursday! I’m back!
Meaning, I’m not all angry and miserable like yesterday. I mean, yeah I do hate Wednesdays normally, anyway, because they’re neither here nor there, but that’s beside the point.
Anyhoo...
Since this is a journal where I’m documenting everything happening during the apocalypse with my husband, I have to be truthful and every day is not a cabaret.
I know it seems we have a lot of fun and we’re pretty lucky, and that’s true, we do and we are, but nothing is ever perfect.
I did angrily storm upstairs to work after seeing yet another destroyed kitchen when I woke up and got my coffee but while I was uploading something and had a minute of down time, I read over my post and paused to reflect. I knew it was petty and I didn’t like myself for it but I was pissed.
So what was I going to do about it?
I’m not an ogre and I’m not an idiot. Gary isn’t even officially retired three weeks. He literally worked his ass off for fifty years and deserves a rest. I’m not suddenly going to turn into a taskmaster shrew now when I was never one before, that would be horrible and smack of jealousy and resentment.
And anyway, I’ve already admitted I’m jealous.
But I was also worried. Leaving a sink full of dirty dishes night after night and watching uninspired television all day isn’t Gary. Ugh, I started thinking about those “Depression Hurts” commercials with the sad woman in a tattered bathrobe, chewing her hair.
Wait, that’s me.
Haha, just kidding.
But getting back to Gary, d’oh, maybe it wasn’t an argument he needed, it was kindness.
So I went that route instead.
I brought him coffee in bed, he came downstairs and cleaned the kitchen.
And because yesterday was trash day and the trash men were late, he got a bunch more trash out of the yard without my saying a word.
So I dunno, maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.
This quarantine has been life changing on so many levels, huh.
I didn’t have much time to analyze it further, I had a shit ton of work, but oh joy, right after that, in the middle of having a conversation with my boss about said work, I got sextorted.
Yup, sextorted. I’m wondering if I’m the last person in America to know about this but I honestly had no idea what it was until I got this email yesterday:
“I do know, XXX is your password.
I need your complete attention for the coming 24 hours, or I will make sure you that you live out of embarrassment for the rest of your lifetime.
Hello, you do not know me personally. Yet I know just about everything concerning you. Your facebook contact list, smartphone contacts and all the digital activity in your computer from past 177 days.
Which includes, your erotic video clips, which brings me to the main reason why I am writing this particular e-mail to you.
Well the previous time you went to see the porno online sites, my spyware was triggered in your personal computer which ended up logging a lovely video clip of your erotic play simply by triggering your web cam.
(you got a unquestionably weird preference btw lmfao)
I have got the entire recording. Just in case you think I 'm playing around, simply reply proof and I will be forwarding the particular recording randomly to 10 people you know.
It may end up being your friends, co workers, boss, parents (I don't know! My system will randomly choose the contact details).
Would you be able to look into anyone's eyes again after it? I question that...
However, it does not have to be that way.
I would like to make you a one time, non negotiable offer.
Buy USD 2000 in bitcoin and send it to the listed below address:
1HMfxxvNWrxpzG2FfD*RD53qZVKK9JsYDVQ
[CASE SENSITIVE so copy and paste it, and remove * from it]
(If you do not know how, look online how to buy bitcoin. Do not waste my important time)
If you send out this particular 'donation' (let us call it that?). Right after that, I will disappear and never contact you again. I will delete everything I've got concerning you. You may very well carry on living your ordinary day to day lifestyle with absolutely no fear.
You have got 1 day in order to do so. Your time begins as quickly you read this email. I have an unique program code that will tell me as soon as you go through this e-mail therefore don't attempt to act smart.”
Okay, let me stop right here.
First, I wrote erotica, people. I don’t get mortified by sex. If anything, it makes me laugh.
Second, I once had a part in a movie which not only won awards at film festivals, it was shown for about a year on Fuse TV. My big line in the movie: “You haven’t lived until you’ve had hot wax poured down your ass.”
Third, what’s my “weird preference”?!
Oh. Gary just reminded me about the whipped cream.
Sigh...finally, if there are any compromising videos or pics of me online, dude, go for it. If such a thing exists, they’re from when I was young and hot 😂😂😂.
Send them to everyone, I don’t care!
What I did care about was the first line of that email - the dickhead had my password right.
What the fuck.
It wasn’t a password I used for my bank, it was one I used for low security sites that didn’t involve money.
I hoped.
What if the dude really did have all of my info and cleaned out my banking account or screwed up my credit?
I went weak with fear. Seriously. What if this was real? That was my password.
But Google is my friend. Just for the hell of it, I googled blackmail and sex and emails.
Who knew? The email I got is called “sextortion” and it’s a thing.
Google posted an example. It was word for word the email I received.
But fuck me, Google also said CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS IMMEDIATELY.
So that really sucked.
It’s creepy as hell, isn’t it?
Never a dull moment at Casa Slick.
Sextorted. And at my age yet.
I like how he yells at me at the end to send him bitcoin and if I’m too dumb to know how, I should research it online.
I really wish I could get even but the karma gods will do their job.
And I feel beyond stupid for falling for it. This is Nigerian Prince territory.
So after the stress of all that, I needed to get some air and what better than a drive with Gary and Jake.
I got to show off my new David Bowie mask, courtesy of Joanna Ha.
And appreciate the sunshine and hanging with my boys.
So all is well, my backyard oasis is back on track, and I guess my only question is, will the sextorter try again today?
I can’t even believe I just said that.
