Idiot in Chief 6

Hahahahaha, you’re such a PUSSY, Donald.

Not to mention an international laughingstock.

I doubt Putin would hide in a bunker 😂😂😂

Idiot in Chief 5

STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY CITY, YOU DEMENTIA RIDDEN COOT!

Idiot in Chief 4

I hereby designate cheesecake to be eaten with every meal.

Idiot in Chief 3

He looks better than you, MURDERER.

If you weren’t completely incompetent and dementia ridden and had called for a national quarantine and mandatory masks in January when you KNEW about the virus,102,000 Americans wouldn’t be dead, you ridiculous imbecile.
#TrumpPandemic

The Idiot in Chief 2

How about if you simply stop lying and inciting violence, Dotard?

The idiot in Chief

Sigh...stop talking about your penis, bro.

Day 77

Day 77, self quarantine

I’m broken.

Day 76

Day 76, self quarantine:

Good morning.

It doesn’t seem right to talk about my garden or what I’m having for dinner today.

America is broken.

And I’m sorry, if you’re sitting here complacent this morning and pleased with the monster in the White House, so are you.  You’re future greeters at the Gates to Hell and you will burn in agony for eternity.

I may despise organized religion but I talk to God all the time.

Donald, Lindsey, Rand, Mitch, Gym, Gaetz and the rest of the *sic* Freedom Caucus are mentally ill, but nowhere nearly as mentally ill as their supporters.

They’re laughing at you, you pathetic excuse for humans.

Jesus weeps.

Day 75

Day 75, self quarantine:

Happy Friday!  Today is the best day ever.  I have the day off from work for a Jewish holiday  that celebrates with cheesecake.

This is my kind of religion.

I mean, we all know I am not a fan of organized religion but cheesecake celebrations are next level.  So I wondered how it came to be.

Actually, it’s Shavuot,and Shavuot, like most Jewish holidays, has a food component. On Shavuot we celebrate dairy foods. It is a vegetarian holiday for kosher Jews, because the laws of kashrut forbid mixing milk products with meat. 

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/the-nosher/why-cheesecake-on-shavuot/

Speaking of cheesecake, right before quarantine, I had one of the best cheesecakes I ever had in my life.  I asked for the recipe but I never looked at it until now when  I was reminded by the holiday.  Holy hell, no wonder it was so good, it’s made up of sour cream, cream cheese and heavy whipping cream.  And it’s no bake?!  

Oh, Gary?  I have a favor to ask...

We are so having this for our Shavuot feast tonight.

Seriously, look at this recipe. How can it be bad?

 

 1 9" or 10" graham cracker crust prepared in springform pan

16 oz cream cheese softened to room temperature (450g)

1 cup powdered sugar (150g)

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 teaspoons lemon juice

1/3 cup sour cream (75g)

1 1/2 cup heavy cream 

Additional whipped cream for topping, optional

Instructions

1. Place cream cheese in a large bowl and, using an electric mixer, beat until smooth and creamy.

2. Add powdered sugar and stir until combined.

3. Stir in vanilla extract and lemon juice, pausing to scrape down the sides and bottom of the bowl.

4. Add sour cream and stir well.

5. Pour heavy cream into a separate, medium-sized bowl (preferably a chilled metal bowl). Whisk on high speed (preferably using an electric mixer) until stiff peaks are achieved.

6. Fold your whipped cream into cream cheese mixture until smooth and well-combined.

7. Spread cheesecake mixture evenly over prepared graham cracker crust. Cover and refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight. 

Ugh, I hate that refrigerate and WAIT TO EAT nonsense. You’re really supposed to wait four hours when there’s a cheesecake in the house?

When I was growing up, we had those God awful frozen Sara Lee cheesecakes and no microwaves to defrost them.  I can remember being a stoner teenager with the munchies trying to hurl a frozen brick of cheesecake against the wall to get it to slice or at least be thawed enough not to burn my tongue.

Gary better get started now 😜

So we can’t work in the yard today because of the rain which is a bummer but we’re gonna be brave and put on our masks and run a few errands.  

We’re out of dog treats.  

Heaven forbid.

Tomorrow and Sunday are supposed to be beautiful and to be honest, there’s no way we can do physical labor three days in a row, anyway. I’m still feeling the work we did last weekend.

I’ll say it again - getting older isn’t for sissies 😎

So that’s about it for today.  No words of wisdom, just a banging cheesecake recipe.

Chag Sameach!

Day 74

Day 74, self quarantine.

Good morning.

I’m in a mood.  So let me just get this out of the way. The despicable fake Christian racist rapist squatter in the White House DARED to mock Joe Biden again last night for wearing a mask.

https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1265851644736081921?s=21

Here’s my reply tweet to him just now.

“Really?  If you weren’t completely incompetent and dementia ridden and had called for a national quarantine and mandatory masks in January when you KNEW about the virus,102,000 Americans wouldn’t be dead, you ridiculous imbecile. #TrumpPandemic”

I’m sorry.  This man is not just the worst president  in American history, he’s the worst person in American history and anyone who supports him is, too.

Okay, I’m done.

Oh, wait, one more tweet I want to post here from writer Matt Haig which I absolutely love:

“Yes lockdown poses its own mental health challenges. But can we please stop pretending our former world of long working hours, stressful commutes, hectic crowds, shopping centres, infinite choice, mass consumerism, air pollution and 24/7 everything was a mental health utopia?”

Right?  This tweet speaks to me.

I’ve been having moments of clarity lately.  I love my job but I want to work remotely forever.  

Speaking of work, I have to head upstairs at dawn again because I’m still in the weeds but woo hoo, after that, I’m finished for the week.  Let the three day weekend commence!  Looks like we’re not going to the beach due to crap weather but that’s okay, we are at the exciting phase of our backyard!  We have just one more barbecue to throw out and we seem to have an astonishing collection of trash can lids...but people, I don’t think it’s premature to say that by next weekend I’m hanging those fairy lights!

Also, my rock painting supplies will be here.

I’m posting some more in progress photos of Gary’s girls.

So that’s about it for today.

I think, anyway.

Onward, apocalypse soldiers!

Day 73

Day 73, self quarantine:

Wednesday, huh.  I could get used to short weeks like this.

Gary doesn’t want me to post a pic until he’s done so here’s a photo of one of his girls as he calls them before she’s planted.

We really scored some beautiful stuff.

Omg our backyard.  I have never been more excited to take out the trash than tonight.  I still can’t believe this is happening.  My schemes never work like this.  

In other news, assuming we stay in yellow or even move to green, Eric and Natalie are coming to Philadelphia June 24-25!  It’s their one year anniversary.  

I can’t believe that, either.

I’m trying not to get too excited in case it doesn’t happen but okay okay I AM EXCITED.

Also, there will be major Eric news mid next week and that’s all I’m saying.

Oh wow, I haven’t seen Eric and Natalie since the beginning of the year.

Okay okay I’ll calm down.

Short post today.  I’m in the weeds at work and need to head upstairs now.  I gotta admit I love being able to do this.  I’m such a morning person and I’m so much more productive this time of day.  It would be too creepy to go to my actual downtown office at 6:00 a.m. but man, I kill it at dawn.

I guess so.  It’s when I wrote all six books.

Another perk of starting at daybreak is I don’t feel guilty about taking extended lunches with Gary.  That dude can cook 😎.

Okay, okay, I better get my sorry ass upstairs.

Sigh... I’m never going to be able to look at Julie’s bedroom the same...

Peace out, fellow apocalypse humans.

Day 72

Day 72, self quarantine:

Ah, yes, the Tuesday after Memorial Day weekend, also known as “Welcome back to the real world” day.  

Whatever that is in apocalypse land.

All I know is, all things considered, I’d rather be at the beach today.

We had the most insanely productive weekend, though.  It was pretty amazing.   Okay, I’m not gonna lie, Saturday was a bust because it rained super heavy and our roof leaked and I pitched a fit when Gary insisted on climbing an aluminum ladder in the middle of the storm to check it out because excuse me, I don’t want him to kill himself and HOW DID HE PLAN TO FIX IT WHILE IT WAS RAINING?

Arghhh we are so getting a new roof.

So yeah that was Saturday but we put it behind us and by Monday afternoon we accomplished so much we were giddy.

Gary is in his groove when he’s around plants.  He was so freaking happy playing in the dirt yesterday.  

He’s not done yet so here’s a pic in progress.

So what I’ve been hoping during this entire quarantine and especially since Gary’s unexpected retirement in April is happening.  He’s got a project he’s really into and excited about, I can go upstairs to work today and not worry he’s staring blankly at the television all day.

It’s going to be eighty degrees and sunny.  He told me he’s going to be outside working in both the yard and front of the house.

Wah, I want to do that, too!  I’m jealous!

Oh, well.  I wasn’t jealous when he watched television all day - I can’t have it both ways, huh.

Meanwhile, speaking of television- this quarantine has affected my secret-from-Gary guilty pleasure degenerate tv watching like you would not believe.  There’s only five more episodes of Top Chef! Where’s all my shows that come out in the spring and early summer to fill my lonely predawn hours when Top Chef ends?  Where’s MasterChef?  Where’s Best Baker in America?  Where’s Chopped Sweets?  Ffs, where’s MasterChefJr.?  I’m desperate!

You know I googled it.

The guys at Google are laughing their asses off.

“Look at this old broad in Philadelphia who keeps asking daily Why isn’t MasterChef on tv this year? like America hasn’t been shut down for three months and there’s not 100,000 Americans dead in a pandemic.”

Listen, if any of you ever talk to Gary, you cannot tell him I watch MasterChef.  He loathes Gordon Ramsey and will never let me live it down and he’d be right.

I don’t know why food competition shows are my crack, there’s clearly something wrong with me.

It’s why I sneak them at 4:00 a.m.

Haha I used to do that with drugs.

Oh wait, that was all day 😎

Anyway, it turns out the pandemic has messed with all of my shows except...sigh...MasterChef, Jr. which was already in the can before quarantine and instead of airing from March to June like they always do, Fox is holding it until September because they have nothing else to air in the new season.

Thanks a lot, apocalypse.

Google finally told me this after I checked daily for days and oh, cool, now google and the government think I’m a weirdo for obsessing about a cooking show for pre-teens.

Do not tell Gary this, either.

I used to have such better secrets.  What the hell happened?

Oh, yeah.  I got old.

Thank God.

Day 71



Day 71, self quarantine:

Welcome to Memorial Day, the apocalypse edition.

I still can’t believe any of this.

So here at Casa Slick, we have a magical thing going on. We’re always rewarded in some way when we clean.

Sometimes I might find something amazing.  Maybe it’s an earring I thought was lost forever, maybe it’s a Polaroid photo of Julie and Eric from 1990, or maybe it’s my first publication acceptance letter - written by the magazine editor in longhand.

Once we went to Atlantic City for dinner following a major hardcore  spring  cleaning and I walked past the slots, put in a couple of quarters for the hell of it, and won $300.00.

I don’t even play slots.

Oh god, I just had a memory I haven’t had in years.  I used to play blackjack and count cards.  This was before Julie and Eric were born.  I never got caught because I sucked at it.  But oh god did I think I was cool sitting there at the table with my vodka martini acting like I knew what the hell I was doing.

Holy moly how many lives have I had?

Haha now I’m apocalypse woman, watching the world go by in my pajama pants.

I’ll take it. 

Anyway, back to the story. Yesterday my gift for working in the backyard came via my Facebook friends talking to me about painted rocks.

It sent me down the most glorious rabbit hole.

I’m now obsessed and you have no idea how much I needed it.

I love to paint but stopped years ago and now I don’t even have any art supplies.  I think about it a lot guiltily but I don’t have the light or space to work on anything large and worse, I don’t have any inspiration. But rocks...this is so doable and with two incredibly talented artist kids, I now have a ready answer for “what do you want for your birthday/Christmas?” too.

I don’t really need instruction but I found a book of painted rock ideas I thought I’d share.

https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=FjPWDQAAQBAJ&hl=en_US&pg=GBS.PA1

I think having a section of painted rocks in my backyard is going to be beyond perfect under the fairy lights.

So now in addition to writing a new book during quarantine, I’m going to embark on a major rock painting project.

I just ordered a buttload of paint and other supplies.

Now.  Where the hell do I find rocks?

Omg, are Gary and I going to have to go rock collecting somewhere?  Is there a place near downtown Philadelphia? Hahaha how did I not think of this?

And if I find them, can I just take them?

Hang on, Google is my friend.

Holy cow, you buy them?  Are you kidding me?

https://www.amazon.com/Rock-Canvas-Painting-Rocks-Kindness/dp/B07F24L73J

Huh.  This idea is getting better by the minute.

And I know I can probably find them cheaper and in assorted shapes.  Ew, how creepy to have rocks all the same size and shape.

Yeah, I know these will be easier to paint, but I think real rocks are much cooler and I at least need to use some.  I clearly have to take Gary on a rock collecting expedition.

Wait’ll I tell him.

So I know I said I wasn’t going to look yet but I found these crazy outdoor  chairs in electric violet and teal blue but no, no, I won’t buy them until we’re ready.  

This yard is going to rock.

Haha, get it?

See why I love this down time, though?  All I want to do is make art and do positive things 

And I know I’m not alone.

Sigh...

If only this deadly virus wasn’t out there lurking.

If only there weren’t breathtakingly stupid imbeciles out there not social distancing or wearing masks and yapping this is a government conspiracy taking away their “freedom.”

What a crazy, crazy time.

In other news, we made astonishing progress in the yard yesterday.  We’re still filling trash bags with leaves and stuff and my friend Aileen has to come by and get the bicycles (how’s Wednesday?) but oh am I going to have a much better pic next week!  

Not only that, we swung by the hardware store and bought plants.  We ran out of steam to install them in the window boxes but that will be tomorrow.  I’m laughing because the plants are Gary’s thing.  If it were up to me, I’d probably hire someone and we’d have a tasteful color scheme interspersed with lots of greenery.

Gary literally buys one of everything.  Purple, yellow, red, orange - he loves an explosion of different hues and types and he nixes anything that doesn’t bloom in neon rainbows.

I adore how it turns out and it occurs to me it goes along with my thoughts about not wanting rocks all the same size and texture.

I’ll post a pic tomorrow when he’s done.

So what else...hmm...we’re not having a typical Memorial Day dinner tonight...unless we lived in Italy, I guess.  Gary made fresh pesto last night and it smelled so damn good we both said at the same time we had to have it for dinner so we’re having pasta, greens and potatoes with pesto which is freaking unbelievable:

https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/6078-pasta-green-beans-and-potatoes-with-pesto

This is a pretty informative post today, huh.

Okay, I’ll stop.

Time to watch my taped Food Network shows and get my moments of zen in before Gary wakes up.

Omg, Top Chef.  It’s so obvious to me Kevin Gillespie and Bryan Voltaggio are the two finalists but I’m wrong every year so don’t listen to me.

I like Bryan’s laugh but I’m Team Melissa all the way, though I am also a big Gregory fan and would love for him to win, too.

I am so not a Kevin fan.

And now I sound like a total dork.

Okay, I’m outta here.

Happy Memorial Day!

Day 70

Day 70, self quarantine:

Sunday Sunday Sunday!

Yikes, I hope today is better than yesterday.  I basically spent the entire day using my new adult powers to restrain myself from biting my husband’s head off all day.

It was just...never mind.  I don’t understand how he can live so happily and obliviously amid clutter and disrepair.

I ended up biting off my own nose to spite my face because the end result of my holding my tongue and shrugging my shoulders was watching boring television all day and having a plate of boring scrambled eggs for a holiday weekend dinner.

Let’s hope today is better.

It should be.  At least in theory we’re going out to buy plants at 8:00 this morning.  

And I’m going out in the backyard to work whether he joins me or not.

Anyway, I’m much calmer today regarding Philadelphia moving to the yellow stage.  As my friends pointed out, yellow means those who work remotely should continue to do so.

My boss and I also discussed the strong possibility that we could both work remotely indefinitely but come into the office as needed or 2-3 days a week.  

I can live with that, as long as the numbers in Philadelphia continue to go down.

I guess I should admit I really love my job.  After my beloved  boss of almost thirty years retired, I had a truly horrible time and landed at arguably some of the worst lawfirms in the city. 

I just realized it could be a book.  From the crazy lady who threw a stapler at me and tried to make me her pot dealer to the senior partner who crawled under his desk and wouldn’t come out until we called an ambulance...to the psycho who made me do an intake for a new personal injury case for a crazy litigious woman who tripped over an extension cord in her own house...

Oh my god, I need to start writing.

The job I have now is spectacular in comparison.  But the best part of it is the writing and the fact that it keeps my mind sharp.

I talked about my mediation memo a lot but what I didn’t talk about was all the research I had to do before I even started it.

I now know more about golf course construction and the use of railroad ties than any normal person should. Normally we hire actual experts for this, but sometimes the situation doesn’t warrant the cost.

Anyway, as boring as it may sound, this is the stuff that keeps my brain active and young.

And it’s the real reason I’m not throwing in the towel today and retiring.

But...everything depends on the virus.

Mercury is in retrograde from June.18 to July 12.  Haha, if our governor stays on track, Monday, June 21 could be our first green light day.

Okay, that won’t do.

I better send him an email 😎

Oh well.  It’s 6:30 a.m.  If I want to get out of here by 8:00, I better wake Gary now.

Yeah, good luck with that, Rob.

I also better come up with a better eating plan for brunch and dinner.

I’m thinking barbecue.

Have fun today, people.

Day 69

Day 69, self quarantine:

Happy Saturday.

I guess.

Philadelphia is reopening June 5 and I am trying not to freak out.

I don’t know where this leaves me.

I somehow had it in my head that I had more time to decide.

I know I said I already decided but...

I don’t know.

I do know this.  I don’t want to leave my guys.  Look at those punims.

Arghhhhh.

Talk among yourselves.  I’m all verklempt.

Day 68

Day 68, self quarantine:

Yay, it’s Friday, it’s a three day weekend and then I work three days and have another three day weekend and I am so, so down with that.

Let the eating begin.

Oh yeah, first I have to do the legal gig today.  I’m a wreck because I’m emailing my boss the mediation statement I’ve been working on all month after I’m done writing this and it’s just like turning a paper in to your professor, desperate for a good grade, only way worse because I’m old and feeble and not carefree and nineteen. 😎

I don’t think this is my best work but then again, I never do.  Beware the writer enamored with their own writing.  Yikes.

I just hope I don’t have to spend all day fixing it.  I’m anxious to start the weekend!

So one of the reasons our relationship works is that even though we’re very much alike, Gary and I are good at different things.  I’m the brains in this duo, he’s the common sense.  I mean, Gary’s smart but he isn’t a reader and he didn’t like school, where I read about a thousand books a year and my fantasy retirement goal is to be a senior auditor at Penn‘s Arts and Sciences school.

I ran the money and education side of things at Casa Slick and Gary’s the one who ran the domestic side.   I can’t even drive a car.

Oh, yeah, I don’t drive.  You don’t want to know.

Anyway, Gary won’t play board games with me because I always win.  I can’t help it, and until an unfortunate episode with alcohol last time we played, even Julie Slick could never beat me at Scrabble.

During quarantine, I’ve had such an urge to play something but Gary refuses. Bummer.  We have a treasure trove of board games here!

If only it was in my DNA to throw a couple games and let him win, we would have a completely different scenario.

So when I came downstairs one afternoon a couple weeks ago and caught Gary correctly calling out answers while watching a 1966 Password show on television, I immediately went on eBay.

I paid $15 and got a perfect condition 1963 Password board game.

“What’s this?” asked Gary after we got the contact free delivery knock on the door.

“Open it, open it,” I said excitedly.  “It’s an early Father’s Day present.”

He stabbed at the box with a knife and ripped open the carton like a little kid.

“You got me Password?” he asked, looking at me like I was a mental patient.

“Well, yeah.  I thought it would be fun.  That’s actually from 1963!”  

“I can see that.  It’s still got the price tag on it.  Look - it cost $1.98.”

“Omg!  That’s so cool!”

“Thanks,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“When can we play?” I asked.

“When the kids are here?”

Oh, boo.  C’mon, Gary.

“Let’s play tonight!”  I was already planning the evening.  First we’d have nachos.

“How are we going to manage that?”

“Wut?”  

What was he talking about?

“You need four people to play Password, genius.”

Oh for the love of God.

“It’s why they call it Password.  Your team passes the word to the other team.”

“We can’t just play each other?” I asked sheepishly.

“It’s not possible, Rob,” he laughed.

I knew that, I did.  What was I thinking?

So now this quarantine has to end soon.  I need my kids to be here so we can play Password.

I told you I have no common sense.  Password for two people.  Sheesh.

Maybe I can talk him into playing Clue.

So I’m wondering what people are doing for Memorial Day weekend.  Are there going to be Zoom barbecues?

The mind boggles.

I must be slipping.  Gary and I haven’t discussed what we’re having for dinners this holiday weekend but then again, every night is the same in apocalypse land.

I’ll figure it out.

It will probably involve fried potatoes.

Have an awesome Friday.