Day 267

 

Day 267, self quarantine:

Sunday, December 6, 2020

Only 45 more days of 45.

Happy Sunday!

Day 266

 Day 266, self quarantine:

Saturday, December 5, 2020

I’m not going to lie.  I’m still hysterical...the bad hysterical, not the good kind...over both Donald and the virus.

I’m not sharing my thoughts about either today, I don’t want sympathy or any “don’t do that to yourself.”  I am who I am, and I’m not going to change.

At least in that regard.

I’m just telling you where my head is and my opinions and feelings aren’t likely to be any different until Donald is gone, the vaccine distributed, and it’s safe to go out again.

Did you guys see this obituary?  

https://priceandsons.com/tribute/details/2456/Marvin-Farr/obituary.html

The late Dr. Farr’s son, who wrote it, says it all.

So I will pop on and write when I’m motivated, otherwise I’m staying away from the news most of the day and just hanging out with Gary and Jake, listening to music.

As for right now, oh my god, Gary is such an unbelievable slob I’m staring at our pretty living room in shock.

Explain to me how someone who is quarantined has four different pair of sneakers in the middle of the floor.

Or $10 worth of change and 87 bags of tobacco on the dining room table.

I’m gonna kill him!

Actually...

No, I’m not.

Huh.  Apparently I have changed.

The old me really would be in a blind rage over this mess.

Now I’m like, “what if he gets the virus? What if I lose him? Am I really getting upset over shoes and a messy room I can clean and make beautiful again in under an hour when, knock wood, Gary and I are healthy and somehow getting through this thing alone together?”

Woo, that’s a bigger attitude adjustment than I thought.

Anyway, so that’s my headspace these days.

Is it too early for wine?

I say Maybe not!

Happy Saturday.

Day 264

 

Day 264, self quarantine:

Thursday, December 3, 2020

Violets are blue 
Roses are red 
I wake up every morning 
Hoping he’s dead.

Is he?  

Sigh...

I have nothing nice to say today so I am going upstairs early to attack a scary work load.

Except...

Just 58 more days until he’s gone.

Happy Thursday.

Day 263

 

Day 263, self quarantine:

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

Okay, I am less stressed out today. 

I apologize for yesterday.  I had a lot on my mind and a to do list which seemed daunting after a very relaxing four days off and chilling with Gary.

And I admit it, Donald triggers me.  

I know why, too.

My late father was a narcissist with a persecution complex. Always the victim.  

So when Donald starts with all that paranoid me, me, me stuff and negativity, I’m 12 years old again, shaking and crying and wondering what I did wrong now.

So yeah, I’ve been triggered and stressed for the last four years and I just want it to end.

Anyway, oddly enough, I work best when I am stressed with deadlines, don’t ask me why.

I completed the first of three projects I have to do by the end of the month and, omg, I finally got my paperwork straightened out to leave the office health insurance plan for gasp...Medicare.

Yeah, the future beckons.

Explain to me how normal people understand this stuff, though.  I’m pretty smart and I couldn’t do it on my own, I broke down and called someone.

Ugh, the stuff of nightmares.

I just want to make sure Gary and I are covered yet not breaking the budget.

So in the end, the understanding part wasn’t too terrible.

But then began the paperwork...

Anyway, I did it.  Gary and I will be official Medicare recipients by January 1.

Unless I fucked something up, in which case it will be February 1.

Just in time to hop in that camper to see the kids 😜

Assuming the pandemic hasn’t closed the country.

Oy.  I don’t see how we’re not going to have a lockdown but what do I know. 

Apparently just enough to get by.

So how is everyone doing with holiday shopping?

My friend/coworker and I came up with the world’s greatest idea for a gift.  At first we were brainstorming for our boss, but then I realized it’s perfect for a lot of people in my life so I can’t say what it is yet but I’m smiling big time.

Hey, sending presents directly to the kids’ houses after checking off the “gift wrap” option isn’t too terrible, either.

I do not enjoy wrapping stuff.

Sigh...just trying to look for that silver lining.

Since we’re talking about presents, is there anyone reading this who would want The Mirror?

https://www.mirror.co/

I saw the commercial for this thing and thought it was a Saturday Night Live skit.

Seriously.  This would be my worst nightmare.  It would be like being trapped in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

A fucking mirror that watches you “exercise“ and talks to you.

This will be waiting for me in hell when I die, with a soundtrack by U2.  Count on it.

Nah, there’s no such thing as hell, though we just came pretty close, huh.

Anyway, if it’s December 2, that means there’s only 49 more days of Donald.

Everyone celebrate!

Happy Wednesday.

Day 262

 
Day 262, self quarantine:

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

So cool, cool, Donald and his family are still saying he won the election because I guess everything really is opposite in 2020.

Whatever, dude.

I can’t wrap my brain around a lot of things.

Like the virus.  I’m getting more terrified by the minute.

Like nine people I knew closely got it and died.

Nine.  All were my age except two.  And one of the two was 43.

How the hell do I know nine people...nine people...who died in the course of nine months?

Like, this is month nine of quarantine and Christmas is in three and a half weeks and I don’t even care.

I really feel changed on so many levels, it’s going to be an effort to do anything shallow.

On the other hand, everyone loves presents and this has been such a miserable year so I am gonna force myself to get into it and I bet my mood will improve.

I guess.

I’m gonna be honest, the Donald thing is getting to me.  He’s just so toxic, and so are his base, that I’m angry and exhausted.

This is outrageous.

Why can’t he just concede?

HE LOST.

L O S T.

He lost.

Gah, okay, I’ll stop.

I probably should have taken a longer journal vacation, huh, because all I want to do is scream for paragraphs how much I hate him, his family, and anyone who voted for him and the many, many reasons why.

But I won’t.

I’m just so pissed, though.

And I’m not afraid to say it.

Jesus, I hate stupid people.  Why are people so STUPID?

I really hope this is over in 50 days.

And on that note, it’s off to paralegal world.

I feel better now though.

Happy Tuesday.

Days 254-261

 

Days 254-261, self quarantine:

Monday, November 30, 2020

Welp, if you’re reading this, you made it through Thanksgiving, 2020.

Us, too.

But sorry, I’m not really relaxing until January 20, 2021.

In the afternoon.

After Joe is sworn in and Donald and his cootie infested family have vacated the premises and said premises have been fumigated.

No worries, I’m going to keep all my fears and neurosis to myself about what I’m worried might happen between now and January 20 like war, firing squads, mass virus and associated death and martial law, let’s all read Heather Cox Richardson daily for a comprehensive account of the day’s events, and also, to learn American history.

That’s what really gets me about Trump supporters.  They‘re so fucking stupid and strong wrong they refuse to educate themselves.  

They insist that somehow NPR, PBS, BBC, MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS, Washington Post, New York Times, Vanity Fair, and EVERYONE but Fox are “fake” news.

Fox.  Where they gave us the caravans of criminals transporting duct taped Mexican sex slaves and then, woo hoo, Hunter’s laptop conspiracies.

Until they didn’t because even they knew it was all a lie.

Omg, it’s insane.

Anyway, I am also really terrified virus wise and wish I could talk Gary into grocery delivery but he refuses.  At least we only go to early seniors shopping bimonthly but it’s really scary because people are still being assholes, either getting too close or wearing masks below their noses.  

Though Gary is a news watcher now and I’m noticing he’s paying attention.

Last week, I know I read somewhere on Facebook a woman we went to high school with died of Covid before she even had her test results but I can’t find the post anywhere including my alumni page so now I’m thinking it didn’t happen and oh joy, now I’m having vivid, stress ridden Covid nightmares.

Though man, I could really swear I read it, complete with instructions to private message the author.

Whoever that was.

Oh, wait, I know.

It was my late mother, she visits a few times a year, always in the middle of the night, always with the full head of hair she never regained after chemo.

It’s always the same.

First I try to kick Gary awake because he never believes she visits but of course he never wakes up though once I swear he yelled in his sleep for me to cut my toenails.

Then I greet my mother.

“Mom!  You have hair!”

And then we chat but I can never remember what she said and then I wake up, totally freaked out and positive that this time, Gary witnessed at least some of it.

Nah.

I once wrote a short fiction piece published in one of my favorite ‘zines that riffed on her visits.

http://www.juked.com/2006/03/starman.asp

Yeah, I gotta start writing and submitting shorts again, I know. 😎

So we actually had a nice Thanksgiving and then celebrated Gary’s birthday two days later with a feast of Indian food delivered by GrubHub.

We’re just trying to get through the holidays unscathed and I must admit, it’s a hell of a lot easier knowing the vaccine and President Joe are on the way.

It’s just that there’s 52 days left and Donald is such a crazy little bitch...

Ah, well.

I enjoyed my week off from this journal and figure I will stick with it until the vaccine makes it safe to go out but maybe not every day.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, here’s some pics from the holiday weekend. Pics of FaceTime with both kids for Gary’s birthday, Thanksgiving dinner, which Gary knocked out of the park, he also made bananas foster french toast for brunch yesterday, and the birthday card Julie made Gary, emailed me and I printed out and gave to him with his gifts - guitar stands from all of us, bird books from Eric, and a portrait camera lens and remastered Imagine vinyl from me.

I know it makes me old but it still freaks me out that I can do all of that...meaning, print out a birthday card and see the kids via FaceTime.

It’s like the Jetsons really did come true.

I used to think picture phones were the stuff of nightmares.

Okay, I still do, but sigh...at least I can see my kids...

Anyway, in other news, paralegal world, I have a bear of a month ahead of me. Yikes, memos galore.

Ho ho ho.  When am I retiring again?

Haha hopefully soon.

I’ll let you know the exact date on 1/20/2021 after Joe’s sworn in.

Ooh, 01202021 is an anagram!

I’m gonna take that as a good sign.

Happy Monday!

Day 253

Day 253, self quarantine:

Sunday, November 22, 2022

Guys, due to my high level of anxiety over what I am positive Donald is planning, the unbelievable stupidity of the people in this country unwilling or unable to properly educate themselves, and the unrelenting stream of Facebook memories of Thanksgivings past that are making me cry, I am unplugging until after the Thanksgiving holiday.

See you on the flip side.

 

Day 252

 

Day 252, self quarantine:

Saturday, November 21, 2020

I’m not feeling it today.

I’m scared about the virus and whatever ominous activity an unrestrained Donald is clearly planning and I miss my kids.

That’s the post.

Happy Saturday.

Day 251

Day 251, self quarantine:

Friday, November 20, 2020

Well?  Did I tell you I had a vision?

My pencil tree is adorable.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I was actually happy for a few minutes last night.

But oy, Donald, what are you doing to me?

A coup?  Really?

Four years of sleepless nights and now this, just in time for our miserable holidays, without our families or sick or both?

Really?

Since I’ve watched him not be held accountable for anything including sailing through impeachment and as an accomplice to the deaths of 250,000 Americans, sure, why not?

I’m terrified, actually, but I feel terrified in general these days, what with gun violence, global warming, and oh yeah, a pandemic.

I gave up pills and drinking WHY?

Oh I’m kidding, I still drink.

Anyway, this morning I have to send my boss the Answer and Memorandum of Law I’ve worked on all week and I swear, it’s like being back in school and turning in a paper all over again but worse.  I’m filled with so much self doubt it’s ridiculous.

Fun fact, kiddies. I knew being old would be a drag, but I thought, hey, at least I’ll finally be comfortable in my own skin because I won’t give a shit anymore.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Yeah, wrong.

Anyway, I’m nervous because it was something I’ve never done before and while I know my writing is good, I’m always nervous I missed the legal point.

Oh well.  That’s the nice thing about being at the end of my career.  It is what it is.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh god, I better go upstairs and take another look at this thing before I send it.

I need cookies.

This is not going to be an easy Friday.

 

Day 250

 

Day 250, self quarantine:

Thursday, November 19, 2020

250 days of isolation.

Sounds like a made for television movie, doesn’t it?

I didn’t realize it until I typed it.  

Oh well.  I’m more shocked that Thanksgiving is just a week away.

No, I won’t go there.

I rather focus on Gary’s savory bread pudding with orange rosemary gravy, which will be the centerpiece of our meal.

And whipped roasted maple butter cayenne pepper sweet potatoes.

We haven’t decided on a green vegetable yet but we’ll figure it out.

Not sure if we’ll need dessert but Gary wants to make apple dumplings in custard sauce, too.

Whatever.  It’s all good.

Except Donald.  

I don’t want to discuss it now, but I’m worried.

Anyway, I got nothing today, I have to go upstairs early and work on a project I don’t think I am smart enough to do but my boss thinks I am so I have to at least try.

While I’m gone, enjoy this picture of Gary completely freaking me out last night.

I know, right?

Relax.

It’s a Christmas ornament.

Happy Thursday!