Day 107, self quarantine:
Monday, week 16.
So yeah, I had a rough time early yesterday.
I try to live one day at a time and not worry about a future I’m not even guaranteed but the breaking news about the virus was so devastating I broke down in tears over the kids - from missing them and their live music and then just from worrying about them and their music and then from just plain worrying about everything.
I mean, Eric talked about coming to Philadelphia soon and Julie texted just a few weeks ago that she was cautiously looking at flights in July for a two week trip but after seeing the news yesterday, I don’t see how that’s possible. We reopened too soon and things are getting worse, not better.
I don’t want them to come for a visit, it’s not safe
So I felt completely washed in despair and that’s when I lost it.
Look, I know I’m privileged. I’m drawing a paycheck in beautiful surroundings with an awesome husband feeding me gourmet vegetarian meals.
I know there’s people facing financial ruin because of the vIrus.
I have close friends who lost parents to the virus.
I lost a coworker to the virus in a very small family oriented office, ffs. I haven’t been back to work so I don’t even know what that will be like.
It’s going to be weird.
It doesn’t matter that I’m privileged. The virus is the equalizer. I’m trapped in the house, scared to death, missing my kids and it sucks.
And other than Gary, I’m not out and about talking to people. I don’t know how anyone is really dealing. Not everyone is able to express themselves with words...not everyone wants to.
On social media, most of us are doing “fine.”
But the reality is, quarantine is a whole new level of isolation and even a person like me very comfortable being alone is struggling.
No live music is beyond horrible.
No professional sports is just wrong.
The world is off kilter and it’s not a happy place.
And on top of the complete shocking and willfully ignorant mismanagement of the pandemic, there’s some serious crime going on and that someone so hateful and vomitatious has a platform and is getting away with it is blowing my mind and making me physically ill.
The sheer pig ignorance of these allegedly “conservative” American people brainwashed by Fox *sic* news, putting science disdainfully up against evangelical Christianity complete with a rapture — with this unspeakably gross, hateful perverted Christianity actually having a voice in a government which clearly separates church and state —ugh, there are no words.
Everything finally got to me yesterday.
So I cried like a baby and talked to Gary about it and of course he feels the same way and after that, we both ended up feeling much better.
We did a quick in and out at Trader Joes, came home and listened to music, then I sat outside grooving to fresh air in the Slick Apocalypse Garden while Gary grilled some Jersey tomatoes and veggie burgers, and my dark mood lifted and all is well once again.
I mean, what’s the point of being miserable.
We’re all in this together.
We’re just going to have to get used to the new normal.
But omg, can you imagine when there’s a vaccine?
Kiddies, I was around when the pill first came on the scene.
Our mantra was, Make Love, Not War.
We had an outrageously good time. I can’t even tell you how awesome it was, my kids read this.
But I predict once there’s a vaccine, the good time we had in the 60s/70s is going to look like an uninspired appetizer in comparison to the main course we’ll have in 202...whenever.
We’re gonna party like it’s 1999. Plus eleven. Or twelve.
So there’s that to look forward to.
I can’t fucking wait.
Goals, people.
Goals are not the same as anxiously worrying about the future.
For example, my goal today is to prepare a Petition for Substitute Service.
You don’t even want to know what it is, only that it’s boring as fuck so I’m getting it out of the way early so I can enjoy my lunch out in the garden and NOT worry about it.
Haha. Lunch out in the garden. Now those are words I never thought I’d say.
See? Life is good.
May your Monday be the best you can make it.
That’s my plan and I’m sticking to it.
Peace and love.
