Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Day 88


Day 88, self quarantine:

Woo, for once I’m happy to see a Wednesday.

How’s everyone doing?

I have been having an unexpected struggle the last few days and I’m wondering if all the stress of the last three months has finally caught up with me.  I’m really having a hard time focusing.

Yesterday, I forgot I was working altogether.

I always come downstairs between 1:00-2:00 p.m. to have lunch with Gary.  It lends a sense of normalcy to my work from home life and breaks up the day nicely.

It’s also the fastest damn hour of the day.

I  was sitting on the sofa at 1:55 p.m. lamenting that when Eric texted.

And because I am me, I get unreasonably excited when Eric texts, especially since I haven’t seen him since February 2.

So when his text called for a response I shockingly had extensive knowledge about, I ended up having a long, animated  conversation with him via text.

“Hey, Rob?  Don’t you have work?” Gary asked me at 2:30 p.m.

Omg!  I was so involved texting with my son, I just...forgot?!

I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I got really flustered.  I went back upstairs and I had so much work I just put my head in my hands.

The morning hadn’t been much better.  I kept getting booted from our office remote system and the more I cursed at it, the worse it got.

Anyway, it was a strange day.

It really was like everything hit me at once.  Three months of isolation, Gary’s unexpected retirement, coronavirus deaths of people close to me, and the big cherry on top, the events of the past week.

I really miss my kids.  It’s surreal that I can’t just hop on a plane and see them, and it might be like that indefinitely.

I literally felt waves of sadness wash over me like some crappy romance novel and I kind of lost it and had a pretty good cry in Julie’s former bedroom now my office.

Everything felt really horrible and hopeless.

Anyway, luckily I am also pretty strong and I know how to make things better.  I started focusing on all the positives in my life and there are many.  And then by chance I saw a tweet by my friend, Ellen:

“In honor of the fascist's deplorable & disgusting remark about Martin Gugino, the Buffalo man who was pushed to the ground by police and suffered a skull fracture, everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) should donate $10 to Joe Biden's campaign.  Right now.”


So I did.  And I felt so much better instantly that I began a frenzy of contributions.

I’m not going to be obnoxious and list names and amounts, but I will tell you this, I put my money where my mouth is as concerns my hatred of Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham.

I felt so much better.

But yeah, this is a tough time. We’re reopening but we’re not eating inside restaurants or seeing live music or sports...we still don’t know if this thing is going to come roaring back in two weeks or two months.

It’s really stressful.

And for Gary and me, there was a real sadness in making the decision not to protest. But we’re just too vulnerable.

Even the two of us got a little snippy with each other the last couple of days for the first time since the apocalypse started.

“Why do you sound so angry?” I asked Gary after, okay, he almost bit my head off for suggesting we hire someone to come pick up our junk too massive to simply put out in the trash.

Haha, I learned this trick from Soledad O’Brien on Twitter. Never ask a question that can be answered Yes or No

Gary looked at me helplessly. He knew he had no damn reason.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Maybe it’s the virus. Everything is making me crazy.”

“You think you have the virus?” I asked alarmed, running the symptoms through my head.

Nah, being an asshole isn’t one of them. 

😂😂😂

We made up over Eggs Benedict and roasted potatoes.  Gary subs out the bacon with avocado for me.

It’s good.

So I’m hoping I turned some kind of corner and today will be a better day.

It almost has to be.

(Seriously knocking wood here)

Stay strong, fellow apocalypse dudes.