Day 200

Day 200, self quarantine:

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

“Shut up, man.”

Joe Biden spoke for an entire nation last night.

What the fuck was that revolting spectacle?

“A debate like that should never happen in a democracy.” Nicole Wallace to Rachel Maddow following said shitshow.

“Proud boys? Stand back and stand by.” Donald Trump to his Nazi followers.

Not only did the orange turd refuse to condemn or call out white supremacy, he called them to arms.

The proud boys already turned it into a logo and t-shirt and were gleefully celebrating all over the internet.

“Bad things happen in Philadelphia.”

Okay, that one I took personally.

(I guess he really meant WE HATE HIM here and he’s correct.)

“You’re watching a President who is a rapist. You’re seeing how he impresses himself on others - railroading over their will for his dominance and survival.

Only by petting his ego can you get him off of you. 

This is a rapist.

He rapes.“. 

Lincoln’s Bible, Twitter.

Anyway, that was the most disgusting, disgraceful experience and frankly, telling you what I wish will get me booted from social media so I will stop now because you saw it for yourself and literally no one wants to relive it.

Ugh, I need another shower.

Can you imagine the kind of person who still supports him after last night?

Photos don’t lie. You’ve seen them. They’re the ugliest people in America. Whole new levels of hideous.  Ew, hopefully they’re not your family members though they look like a couple of mine and no, we don’t speak 😂😂😂.

Yikes.  I’m actually physically nauseous this morning thinking about them.

Elections have consequences, huh.

In other news, for those of us in quarantine land, today is day 200.

We should have some cake or something.

I thought I was going to do a reflection/greatest hits celebration thing today but meh, why would I celebrate being in quarantine and honestly, I’m still nauseous from last night.

Five more weeks.

Don’t believe he’s not leaving.  Don’t even give it any more thought.

It’s what that grotesque sweaty monster in the clown makeup and yak wig wants.

Everyone regroup today and be good to yourselves.

Something tells me October is telling March, “Hold my beer!”

Whatever.

We got this, America.

Happy Wednesday.

Day 199

Day 199, self quarantine:

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Ooh, day 199. 

Tomorrow is special, huh.  I should send myself a bagel tray or something.

So yesterday Gary and I put the rug down and doing that was right up there with the two of us lugging and installing a new refrigerator and an air conditioner by ourselves last year.

Old people should not be doing stuff like that but okay, age is just a number and everyone knows Gary and I are still sixteen.

Omg my shoulder.

Omg my back.

Ugh, before Gary even woke up, I did all the prep stuff like emptying off the coffee table and other furniture we had to move and naturally while doing that I had to dust and polish.

Basically I was ready for a nap by the time Gary woke up.

Oy, what an experience it turned out to be.

Halfway through, we honestly wanted to give up and quit but we couldn’t stop with half a heavy twelve foot rug pulled out from under our really heavy sofa and the other half hopelessly stuck underneath.

“Pull, Rob, pull!”

Gary had somehow lifted the couch, which seriously, weighs so much I can’t even push it out an inch myself to vacuum.

“I’m trying!  I can’t budge it!”  I was laying on the floor, trying to grab that ridiculous rug out from under, terrified Gary was going to drop the sofa on my hands.

We struggled for an hour but finally, with some kind of inhuman strength, probably similar to that last burst of energy right before you die, I grabbed that hideous red carpet with both hands and yanked with all my might and I pulled it free just as Gary let go and almost crushed all ten of my fingers.

I actually fell backwards and for the first time EVER, Jake Slick raced over and kissed me on the mouth.

“Am I dead?” I asked Gary.  I was still flat on my back.

“Jake!  You kissed Mommy!  Good boy!” Gary said.

I struggled to sit up.

“Now what?” Gary asked.  “How are we going to get this thing out of here?”

I don’t know why he was asking me, I was still having a heart attack from pulling the rug out.

“I think we should roll it up,” Gary said.

Yeah, that would be logical if we had twelve feet of horizontal free space but nope, nope, we do not and for whatever reason, Gary had six guitars out downstairs further complicating things.

It was mathematically impossible to roll up that rug without also taking out the tv and both bookcases.

“I think we should try to fold it,” I said.

“What?  You can’t fold a rug.”  He looked at me like I was nuts.

Guess what?  After arguing for fifteen minutes it would never work, we folded the rug.  There was literally nothing else we could do.

So right now it’s folded and jammed on the floor in our narrow twelve foot foyer.  We have to climb up on it to get out the front door.

Jake was too scared so Gary had to pick him up and walk twelve feet on a high folded carpet to get him outside.

Luckily trash day is tomorrow. I can’t wait to drag it out the door and down three steps and woo hoo, it’s supposed to rain!  Yay!

Oy.

We had to take another hour break before we had the strength to lay the new rug but it’s two feet smaller and doesn’t go under any furniture other than the chair so it was a piece o’cake.

And woo hoo, I love it!

What a difference in the room.  No more cheesy casino carpet.

I was so zen yesterday. The house was so clean and pretty!  I did go on Twitter but just a few times to holler at Donald and then I put my phone down and enjoyed my surroundings.

There’s a lot more I could say about Donald today but I’m saving it.

Remember this:  My crazy witchy feeling told me he’s not on the ballot November 3.  I’ve shared that here a few times.

I’m feeling it so strongly...

Tonight’s debate will be a shitshow.  He’s going to say he won even after Biden makes a liar/laughingstock out of him and crushes him on basically every level.

He’ll throw out insults and his hideous base will cheer.

I am probably going to “watch” by reading Aaron Rupar’s live tweets.

We’ll talk tomorrow.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Day 198

Day 198, self quarantine:

Monday, September 28, 2020

Morning.

I just decided this minute to give myself the day off for Yom Kippur.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t sleep, went to Twitter and saw his FAKE NEWS tweet and flew into a rage.  

That’s not how I want to spend today.

I’m putting my phone down.

But woo hoo, the emperor has no clothes, huh.

Oh, puke, I don’t want to think about Donald naked.

See you tomorrow.

Day 197

Day 197, self quarantine:

Sunday, September 27, 2020

Woo, I like Sundays when there’s a day off on Monday.

I’m ignoring politics today because everything is terrible and I don’t want anything that’s not beautiful to take away from this post.

Yesterday Gary and I took a drive to Princeton to pick up a collage we purchased from our friend, artist/musician Chris Harford.

https://chrisharford.com/

We met Chris via Eric.

Naturally, I texted Eric before he was even awake this morning, asking him how he met Chris.

Eric obliged, even before coffee!

“I played one show with Dave Dreiwitz from Ween at Mexicali Blues in Teaneck. After that gig Dave said, “you have to play with Chris Harford.” And a month later, I was driving with Dave to the WEEN farmhouse to try jamming with Chris, Dean Ween, and Scott Metzger. We all hit it off immediately.”

In 2006, Chris did a Free at Noon at @wxpn, with the guys from Ween.  On drums was 19 year old Eric Slick.

Gary and I were there live of course, and after just a minute into the first song, we turned to each other and said, “Who is this guy?’”

Here’s my favorite performance from that show.  I’m kinda begging you to click on it because I love it that much and it’s one from my “perfect song” list, which includes everyone from King Crimson to Bill Withers.

https://youtu.be/eTCzf-dZ4Zw

Well?  Amirite?

Haha, look at young Eric with his Beatle haircut.

I don’t understand why Chris isn’t a household name like Neil Young or Bruce or Jackson Browne.

I wish I could make it so.

Anyway, as with a lot of talented musicians, my own kids included, Chris is also a talented artist.

I was surfing through Facebook a couple weeks ago and saw Chris had an exhibit in

Princeton.

https://m.facebook.com/Chris-Harford-Art-Music-105739992824412/

It was the perfect time for me to see it.  We’ve been staring at the same four walls 24/7 for over six months and I’ve been missing going to live exhibits/shows so much.

So I clicked on some of Chris’ amazing art and lo and behold, I came upon “Small World Bird Over City” and what can I say, it was kismet.

Tomorrow is official hang the painting and lay the rugs day and of course I’ll have photos next week.

I know it’s Yom Kippur tomorrow but I will be reflecting the entire time, trust me.

And enjoying my new art.

Happy Sunday!

Day 196

Day 196, self quarantine:

Saturday, September 26, 2020

I’m really appreciating that it’s the start of the weekend this morning. Now I don’t have to call in sick.

Oh, I’m just kidding, I’m not sick.  Not in the traditional sense, anyway.

I’m heartsick.

That mentally ill, incompetent moron, who should have been removed three years ago when we first learned he was caging babies, is naming a handmaid to be a supreme court justice.

I can’t even.

All I can do now is keep praying years of unhealthy eating, morbid obesity, and rage induced high blood pressure take their usual deadly toll by November 3, 2020.

Watching him speak just now on the news about his announcement “at 5:00 tonight” like he’s going to talk about the fucking winner of Dancing with the Stars makes me want to jump through the television screen and wrap both hands around that hideous jowly chicken neck and squeeze with all of my might until his yak wig flies off and his eyeballs and teeth pop out and fall on the ground.

It’s simply not possible for me to hate a person more.

Okay, breathe, Robin.

Think about your new rug and the incredible new artwork you’re picking up today.

Also, we’re having Chinese food tonight. We have an unassuming neighborhood restaurant that makes killer vegan spring rolls and hot and sour soup.

I’ve got my autumn food game going now.

So there’s that.

I was distressed from reading comments yesterday to learn about blue jays being the Donald Republicans of the world so now I’m hesitant to tell you about the visitor we had yesterday.

We had a woodpecker.

It’s black and white with a red mohawk and again, we stood there watching stunned like two yabboes who just flew in from Mars.

Woo, a real Woody Woodpecker right before our eyes, doing god knows what to our apple tree.

Wait, excuse me for a minute.

Pecker pecker pecker pecker pecker pecker.

Sorry, I had to get it out of my system.

It’s what I called a penis as a pre-teen and it still makes me giggle every time I hear the word.

Ah, okay, I’m better now.

But I just have to say, Donald is a peckerhead with a one inch pecker and all his supporters are a bunch of yapping, dripping one inch peckers.

Visualize that, people.

Laughing yet?

What, you’re not twisted like me?

Too bad!  I’m sitting here laughing my ass off so hard I’m crying actual tears.

Wait...there are google images for this.

Omg, I am dying.

I don’t know which one to pick because I’m laughing so hard I can’t see.

Hahaha okay, here’s one.  

Stop laughing, Rob, act like an adult.

Nah.

Never.

Welp, I don’t know about you, but chanting the word “pecker” and looking at drawings of yapping peckers has already made my morning considerably better.

I hope your Saturday is wonderful, too, and includes either happy peckers or happily avoiding peckers.

And on that note, Happy Saturday!

Onward!

Day 195

Day 195, self quarantine:

Friday, September 25, 2020

Yay, Friday.

I should be more enthused, I have a three day weekend with Yom Kippur on Monday, but the news is just too depressing for me right now.

Actually, everything is terrifying.

My anxiety level is way too high for six-weeks from-election Twitter.  I kept picking up and putting my phone down again and again yesterday.

I hate him so much.  I didn’t know it was possible to hate anyone this much.

The stupid in this country is breathtaking and hideous.

But just as my nerves were so frayed even Gary and I were getting snippy with each other, something amazing happened.

We had a new visitor in our backyard.

A blue jay.

What was really cool was that we saw it simultaneously.

You would have thought we won the lottery.

“Omg, Gary,” I said excitedly, trying not to shout and scare it away.  “Do you see that?”

“Holy shit, it’s a bluebird,” he said.

This bright blue gorgeous bird with a pure white chest perched on the branch closest to our door and preened.

We just stood there stunned and stared.

So I googled bluebirds and nope, that’s not what we saw so I googled blue jays and yep yep yep that’s exactly what we saw.

We are such dorks, we couldn’t stop talking about it all day.

Honestly, it was amazing.

We can’t believe what’s been going on
out back all these years without us knowing.

It’s like we’ve discovered a tiny piece of paradise in downtown Philadelphia and oh my god it’s Casa Slick.

The trick will be to keep focusing on our paradise and nothing else for the weekend.

We have a lot planned.

Road trip to Princeton Saturday and the new carpet will be installed Sunday so I can have my dining room back and won’t have a nervous breakdown climbing over this giant plastic wrapped mass trying not to break a hip.

But oy is this gonna be a pain in the ass, literally.  Our furniture is really heavy.  And so are both rugs.

But hey hey, so far we two decrepit boomers hauled a new refrigerator and an air conditioner by ourselves.  It’s amazing what you can manage when you have no other choice.

In other news, I think I’m gonna fast on Yom Kippur this year.

Welp, I always try, but I have to have coffee in the morning or I have a brutal caffeine withdrawal headache by noon.

And then once I have coffee, deep down I know I didn’t really fast so it’s only a short time later that I break down and have a few cookies.

Okay, we all know I’m not going to fast and I’m an agnostic at best so why even try.

I guess it’s like me sticking pins in my Donald voodoo doll.

I’m hoping for a magical fix to the world’s problems.

Ah, well.  I have to remember to stay in the present, one second at a time.

No being sad about the past or anxious about the future.

Just take deep breaths and be present.

It’s the only way to live.

It’s how you see blue jays you never knew existed.

Happy Friday.

Day 194

Day 194, self quarantine:

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Man, it’s not easy being hopeful these days.

I just kind of got sick of the world yesterday.  I went on Twitter and everyone was all death and destruction so I put down my phone and listened to college radio and then I got mad at the radio station for too many gimmicks and not enough good music and then I felt guilty about that and sweating small stuff in general...

So yesterday he said he’s not leaving.

He actually said he cannot guarantee there will be a peaceful transition of power if he loses.

HOW DARE HE.

Joe Biden said it best after Donald’s outrageous remark yesterday.

“What country is this?”

Indeed.  

I’ve been asking myself that question since November 8, 2016.

Welp, I guess we’re going to find out.

I wish I could move to New Zealand.

Like, today.

And then the news came down on Breonna Taylor.

I was afraid to turn on the news this morning.

Today isn’t going to be good.

How much more can this country take?

We’re so exhausted and broken.

If we have compassionate hearts and any intelligence, that is.

Which apparently a third of Americans do not.

In other news, the rug came yesterday and not a child’s outdoor chair and now the only question is, how long will it remain rolled up in plastic taking up half of the dining room before I can get Gary to roll up the red one and lay this one?

Sigh... I don’t think either of us are in the mood.

We’re trying but as I’m sure you’re feeling, too, months of quarantine and fear and divisiveness and missing the family are really taking a toll.

Even a new rug doesn’t feel all that exciting.

Maybe I’m just overtired.  I’ve been putting in ten hour days at work this week and not sleeping well at night.

On top of worrying and weeping over current events.

Again, I’m sure I’m not alone.

Okay, deep breaths. Life is too short to be miserable.  Time to whip out the gratitude list.

Or not.

Maybe later.

Meh, I think some days it’s okay to be miserable.

If you’re happy all the time, you’re a freak.

I know a few of those always happy nitwits and I want to slap them.

Sigh... I can tell you this.  They’re not musicians, writers, or artists.

Okay, clearly it’s time to watch food tv and forget about everything.

Maybe we’ll get lucky today and he’ll die.

Maybe they all will.

Yo, karma?  Are you listening?

Where the hell are you?

Here’s to better days.

Happy Thursday, I guess.

Day 193

Day 193, self quarantine.

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

So the saga of my ill-fated online purchases continues.

I have no clue why I have these problems,
I’ve been shopping online for twenty years ever since Gap online magically appeared and I never had to set foot in their store again for my black t-shirts.

Oh wait, yes I do know why, it’s because I only have problems with online ordering when Gary is involved.

Because he hates computers.

Yesterday I had to call customer service to figure out why a tracking notice showed I was getting a child’s outdoor chair instead of the 8 x 10 area rug I bought with Gary’s actual blessing.

I was on hold for an hour and twelve minutes.  While on hold, I drafted a pleading with seven Defendants and my boss thought it would be cool to insert color pictures in the liability section.

ARGHHHHHHHHH.

If you barely know how to negotiate Windows 10 Microsoft Word, which by the way is the stupidest fucking program ever, and you’re trying to format a twenty page document, attempting to insert pictures which you are also trying to scale down simultaneously was akin to a senior citizen trying out for clown college.

I started screaming at the computer.

“Are you okay?” Gary yelled from downstairs. “Do you need help with something?”

Yeah, a new brain.

I heard him start walking up the steps.

Fuck!  I was still on hold.  I did not want him to hear the telephone exchange about the rug.  I’d never hear the end of it.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Computer froze.  I’m really busy,” I yelled.

I heard him go back downstairs.

You’re not going to believe what happened next.

Around fifteen minutes later, Gary appeared in the doorway laughing.

“Your new rug is here,” he said.

Wait, what?

“I think it’s the wrong one,” he said, laughing even harder.

I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Okay, so it’s a chair,” I said, grabbing my phone and hanging up since it was obvious the call was no longer necessary.

But Gary stopped laughing and stared at me like I was insane.

“Huh?  A chair?  What are you talking about?”

I made a face at him.

“I already know it’s a chair,” I said.

Gary continued to stare at me.

“What chair? Are you trying to tell me you bought a new chair? Where the hell are we going to put a new chair? We can barely walk around in here now.  And I thought you weren’t going to make major house purchases without telling me anymore.”

“I didn’t buy a chair,” I said.

“What?!  You just told me you bought a chair!”

“No, I didn’t,” I said.

He stared at me even harder.

“Are you going through menopause again, Rob? Because if you are, please tell me now so I can drive to Nashville and live with Eric and Natalie.”

I stuck my tongue out at him.

But if there wasn’t a chair downstairs....

“Why were you laughing about the rug, then?” I asked nervously.

“Well, for one thing, it looks like a totally different rug from the one you showed me, but more than that, it’s tiny.  It looks like when we unroll it, it could fit in our foyer.”

Fuck!  The foyer rug!

Fuck fuck fuck, I forgot to tell Gary I ordered it.

I mean, it wasn’t supposed to be here until Friday.  I just didn’t get around to it yet.

“Uh, it is a rug for our foyer,” I said.

“Rob...”

“I hit “buy now” accidentally,” I said.

“Just stop, okay?” 

Gary shook his head.

“Okay.”

Ugh, at that moment, I realized I hung up on customer service and now we’re still getting a child’s outdoor chair delivered today.

There was nothing I could do, I had to finish the volume of War and Peace I was working on for my boss and fire it off to him.

Hilarious, right?

Oy.

Today should be fun.

Oh well.  I just hope the new rug arrives eventually.

Man, if someone ever wants to do a remake of I Love Lucy starring two stoner baby boomers during the apocalypse in 2020, Gary and I are your people.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh well.  I got nothing else today, still trying to keep my distance from Donald and his hideous cult of freaks.

I think I’m gonna have some veggie sushi for dinner.

I have a craving.

Today I’m grateful for avocados, sweet potatoes, miso soup, seaweed salad and rice.

Happy Wednesday.

Day 192

Day 192, self quarantine:

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

I really can’t believe it’s fall now.  I mean, it’s one of my favorite seasons but it seems I was just euphoric over daylight savings time and now all of a sudden it’s dark by 7:00 p.m.

It’s really not good to be thinking all the time but my brain just refuses to shut off.

This quarantine stuff isn’t easy.

I continue to avoid the news this morningand didn’t even spend much time on Twitter yesterday because it’s gotten to the point where I hate Donald and his fellow authoritarian pseudo Christian idiot pals and supporters so much they make me physically ill.

Honestly.  Donald and people who like Donald offend me so much I can’t bear it.

So it’s in my best interest to stay away.

As Gary reminds me and he’s right, if anything really news breaking happens, someone will tell me.

Though I’m lying, I did tweet this yesterday:

“If there is no time for a new stimulus bill to help 30 million unemployed Americans, then there is no time to choose a new Supreme Court Justice.

How is every American not screaming this today?”

I mean it.  Where is everyone?

I know, I know.

We’re all exhausted, huh.

Anyway, I have an extraordinary amount of paralegal work to do this week so I’m not going to be able to monitor the news much, anyway.

But in kinda news, my public service announcement today are two spectacular finds at Trader Joe’s, both of which you would never believe are vegan or from a supermarket.

Brownie Crisps and Banana Walnut Bread.

Sooo good.

Haha, so much for being vegan and thin for my sacrifices but who cares.

I’m a sugar freak.  I love something sweet with a cup of coffee every day.

There’s not a lot to look forward to in quarantine land so I try to give myself perks throughout the day.

So I’ve instituted the 10:30 a.m. cookie break, which coincides with a daily four song Beatle break on WXPN every morning.  I come downstairs and have coffee and cookies (or banana bread) with Gary and listen to 15 minutes of my favorite music.

Jake comes downstairs for a treat, too.

Today is definitely a slice of banana bread kind of day.  I can feel it already.

Haha since I’m not monitoring the news today I don’t have much to talk about so I guess this is a quick one.

Hey, I guess we should be glad every day isn’t newsworthy, but for the love of God, when is the last time we awoke to really great news?

I know I blurted out my wish at 11:11 last night as I headed upstairs for bed.

“I really hope he dies tonight.”

Gary laughed.

“But what will you do about Pence?” he asked.

“He’s going to collapse and be leaving this mortal coil upon hearing the news of his dear leader’s demise,” I replied.  “It’s gonna be President Pelosi.”

“Oh, okay, I’m glad you have this sorted out,” he laughed.

Damn straight I do.

Omg.  I just got an email that my new rug shipped.

But when I clicked on the tracking notice, it says my “child’s outdoor chair” will be here Friday.

Holy hell, the one time I ask Gary first.

He hates online stuff so much, I’m never going to live this down.

Omfg, I am going to have to get on the phone with customer service as soon as they open this morning.

Gah!  Why, why, why.

Oh well, chin up.  This should be the worst thing that ever happens to me.

A kiddie deck chair.  Oy.  Gary will probably say “Let’s keep it” for the raccoon.

Ugh, more on the raccoon in another post.  I can’t right now.  

Why me?

Okay, before I go, one more thing. Check out this insane version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps.  

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/50242_Luca_Stricagnoli_and_His_Incre

That’s pretty extraordinary, am I right?

Have an awesome Tuesday.