Gary and I are married fifty years today.
Yeah, I know, how is that possible when we don’t even remotely look like we’re fifty?
Har har.We got married at eighteen and much to the disbelief of everyone who attended our wedding, I wasn’t pregnant.
Married at eighteen.
WHO DOES THAT?
Whose parents let them do that?
I’m always flirting with the idea of writing a memoir. A lot of it isn’t pretty but oh well, at least it’s entertaining.
Especially if you like watching burning buildings.
Some of the knuckleheaded stuff Gary and I did over the years would have ended even the stablest of marriages but we’re Exhibits A-Z of whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
Between the two of us, we’ve covered every twelve step program imaginable. If it was illegal or batshit crazy, we were first in line.
But despite our best efforts to destroy ourselves and each other, we survived. Gary is my best friend, my love, my rock. He makes me laugh every day and I doubt I could live with anyone else. Besides, who would ever feed me like that? His cooking, always five star gourmet, has reached extraordinary new levels since our retirement. Not that I care about food or anything.
Much.
Most importantly, though, he’s an incredible father. I don’t have enough hours to go there but all you have to do is observe and speak to our kids. They’re pretty fucking special.
And woo hoo, now we can add being quarantined together for the past three years and not killing each other to our list of accomplishments. Besides the kids, I think it’s #2 on our greatest hits list.
Oh, we go out, we travel, but we limit what we do because Covid is still around and people over sixty-five with wonky hearts and such have to be, um, cautious. Okay, try terrified. But we’re reclusive homebodies anyway, which really sounds funny coming from 2023 Robin. 1973 Robin would not have believed it, she was the one out every night dancing on the table wearing the lampshade and not much else while 1973 Gary was busy breaking the most Jello shots and bong hits by a human record.
Ah, well. Passages.
Getting older is weird and to quote George Martin, it sure isn’t for sissies.
The problem is, when you do get older, you realize not only are you suddenly invisible and irrelevant, there’s a daily onslaught of change and death and destruction in a world you no longer understand so guess what, you can’t avoid becoming a sissy.
Haha, well, not Gary. He’s gonna be the cranky old coot screaming at you to get off his lawn. He’s still fearless and thinks he’s nineteen.
I’m the one whimpering and hiding from the UPS guy knocking on the door.
“But Gary, I read on the Citizens App there’s a maniac delivery guy impersonator in the neighborhood preying on seniors…”
“Oh my god, Rob, go breathe in a paper bag. Seniors? I don’t see no fucking seniors!”
He laughs.
Truth: We still have a mummified package of brown paper lunch bags from when the kids were little that Gary loves breaking out when he tells me to calm down, which is often and when I want to kill him the most but I have been known to use the damn bags because yeah yeah I do hyperventilate when I’m upset sometimes maybe.
What can I say, we’re the yin to each other’s yang.
Last year I wrote a book addressing fear of change and loss and getting older called The Crazy House but I just changed the title to Leaving Candyland and I still can’t decide what to do with it but that’s a story for another post. The new title has me stoked because it says it all.
Anyway…
Fifty fucking years. Man. I still can’t believe it.
We should have some cake or something.
Yay us.
