Day 139

Day 139, self quarantine:

Friday, July 31, 2020

Woo, I am really happy to see Friday.  This was a tough week.

So yesterday Gary came home with a “vegan” cake from the farmers market and I remembered it was 
Julie’s half birthday so we celebrated with ice cream and blackberries, too, because why the hell not.

There’s quotes around vegan because that’s what Gary told me it was.

However, after one forkful...

“Mmm!  This cake is delicious! This is vegan?  It tastes like there’s a pound of butter in here.”  I looked at Gary skeptically.

“It’s vegan!  The lady I bought it from calls herself the Vegan Baker.”

I took another forkful.  Was that sour cream?  This was like the best pound cake I ever ate in my life.  No fucking way was it made with applesauce or mashed bananas or any other plant life vegans like to fantasize taste like fat.

“Where’s the wrapper?  I want to see the ingredients.”

“It’s vegan,” Gary insisted. 

“Sure it is.  Where’s the wrapper?”  I was already in the kitchen, I had it in my hands.

“Sugar...vanilla...flour...butter....sour cream.”

Haha, sour cream.  I’m good.

“Gar, the label says she’s the Vegetarian Baker.”

“Okay, sorry, I thought she said vegan.  She’s a vegetarian baker.”

Now normally I’d make a remark isn’t all cake vegetarian, but having been unwittingly poisoned by banana chocolate chip bread pudding made with bacon fat at North Third  Cafe...

Bacon fat in dessert.  Who fucking came up with that travesty.

I never really got over the trauma.

Anyway, yeah, the pound cake was beyond delicious.

And the ice cream was vegan and the blackberries organic so in the world according to Robin, that mitigated the damage of the butter and sour cream.

“I bet that means there’s no lard in her cakes,” Gary added helpfully.

“Ew, thanks, I never even considered lard.”  Yeah, yeah, I know it makes a flaky pie crust but ew, I can’t, I’ve been a vegetarian for over ten years.

Anyway, I highly recommend having cake and ice cream on a weeknight for no apparent reason though it was kinda funny that I remembered about Julie cos’ cake and ice cream will always remind me of birthday parties.

Speaking of parties, I’m throwing the biggest one in history, even if it’s just Gary and me, when that motherfucker resigns next week.

Oh, it’s happening.

We’re gonna have French fries AND pound cake.

In other news, how do you like my rainbow fork?  Gary came home from Aldi last week with an entire 40 piece service for eight. Forks, salad forks, tablespoons etc.

😂😂😂😂😂

Julie and Eric, I apologize in advance.  I promise I will prepare Codicils to our Wills so you can easily find the good stuff and just hire a few hundred people to remove everything else.

Aw, I kid.  I like the kitschy rainbow Aldi silverware.  It’s been making me smile since he brought it home.

I just know I’m weeks away from seeing an article about someone whose entire house is furnished in Aldi.

Oh god, it’s me, isn’t it.

Haha oh I’m kidding.

Anyhoo...

I’m a little giddy today.  No idea why, I just am, I guess it’s because the new bird feeder and bird bath will be here and as long as it’s not monsooning, I will be outside talking to the birds all weekend.

It could be a lot worse.

I could be Melania.

Ew, no, I could never be Melania, I’d rather be deep fried alive.

Kinda the way her husband’s been looking the last couple of days.

Woo, when caked orange clown makeup gets sweaty wet, it’s all kinds of vomitatious, huh.

Oh well.  So that’s yet another thing to be grateful for.

I am not Escort Barbie Melania.

And with that, I’m off to the paralegal gig 😜

Happy Friday!

Day 138

Day 138, self quarantine:

Thursday, July 30, 2020

Omg, this week isn’t over yet? 

Haha, I’m spoiled by three Fridays in a row off but this Friday is my boss’ getaway day before vacation and next Friday he’s away, so my Fridays off are on hold until my next vacation day on Friday, August 14.

After which I’m also taking Monday, August 17 off as one does on their birthday.

Oh cool I get a Zoom birthday this year.

Actually, Zoom would be more than I usually have.  Julie and Eric are always on tour during the summer.  I don’t remember the last time I had everyone here on my actual birthday.

And I’m just kidding about Zoom.  FaceTime works fine.

I’m laughing because every year for my birthday I usually buy myself something cool, usually handmade jewelry I find on Etsy and this year I’m like, jewelry, what’s that?

Etsy also sells homemade baked goods and chocolate, did you know that?

Go to Etsy and type “homemade dessert” in the search bar if you’re a freak like me and want to spend an enjoyable couple of hours.

I’m not doing it, I have Gary. 

But I get ideas from looking and all I have to do is say Strawberry mousse cups with milk chocolate and he’ll be all over it.

What’s really crazy is that despite all my talk about desserts, I notice I’m losing my sweet tooth during quarantine.  I’d rather eat spicy food and tart fruit.  Go figure.

I want French fries all the time.

Okay, that’s always been the case but still.

Let’s see, what else.

There’s a lot of bad stuff in the news today but Donald is dragging his right leg, sweating profusely, slurring his words, and making less sense than usual.

We may be getting lucky.  

Yesterday he tweeted this:

“I am happy to inform all of the people living their Suburban Lifestyle Dream that you will no longer be bothered or financially hurt by having low income housing built in your neighborhood. Your housing prices will go up based on the market, and crime will go down. I have rescinded the Obama-Biden AFFH Rule. Enjoy!”

He’s doing the White Nationalist thing in broad daylight now.

He’s a stone cold racist.

If you still support him, so are you.

In my mind, with 150K Covid deaths in this country, he’s also the worst PERSON, not just President, in American history.

Okay, just so you know where I stand on this.

Sigh.

In better news, our new bird feeder will be here today.  At first Gary got annoyed when I told him, but after despondently realizing that only Steve and Eydie were eating from his feeders the last two days...maybe because he BOUGHT squirrel feeders, Gary is now excited an award winning feeder designed for cardinals only is on its way here.

And yesterday...heart be still...I made serious progress toward Gary getting an iPhone.

“Where are you going?” he asked me frantically yesterday at 2:00 p.m.

I looked at him strangely.

“Uh...upstairs back to work? It’s 2:00.  Lunch is over.”

“Lou is here with the guys!  Can you leave your phone here so I can get some pics?”

“No, I can’t leave my phone here!  My boss texts me, my coworkers text me, and clients call me.”

“Oh.”

He looked so dejected, I went for it.

“I really don’t understand why you won’t let me get you an iPhone.  You’re a rebel without a cause.  You can’t text with the kids, you can’t take pics or record video when you walk Jake, you call me from your 15 year old flip phone and you yell at me when we can’t hear each other like it’s my fault. It’s not like you’re working anymore and your coworkers will tease you that you’re no longer a hippie because you have an iPhone...”

I looked at him hopefully.  I’ve been attempting this for how many years now?

I went in for the kill.

“You’ll be able to communicate with all the people you won’t see at music fantasy camp this summer.”

Gary blushed and gave me a sheepish half smile.

He didn’t say no.

I think this is gonna happen.

Oh man.  I had to get back to work after having two unproductive days.

I’m gonna bring it up again. This time I will talk about the safety aspect and why he needs a WORKING phone.

Also the fact he won’t have to use a 12 year old Garmin navigation system in our car, though what worries me is our Lexus has built in navigation and Gary spitefully never learned how to use that, either.

Because hippies don’t need up to date navigation systems.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oy.  My life.

People, remember this.  The grass is never greener.

And on that note, I better get my head in gear for another super early start at work.

Rock on!