Me vs The Cabbage Part II

Me since yesterday, after learning my novel is being considered for publication along with four other writers, with seemingly my biggest competition a book about a talking cabbage. 

I sense I’m going to have to rewrite my epitaph 😂

Me vs A Talking Cabbage

 

 

That feeling when you learn your new novel is still in contention by visiting your wishlist publisher’s website and seeing a line taken straight from your query on their latest news page.

“From a former Navy pilot’s high flying memoir, to tales of a wandering Irishman imbued with a hint of Mark Twain; from the sublimely plausible story of a man and his talking cabbage, to a humorous look at navigating inevitable change, plus a mystery that confronts the issues of crime and homelessness and the importance of friendship—our inbox overflows. It’s likely one of these will round out our 2024 season.”

I’m the “humorous look at navigating inevitable change” though I probably didn’t have to tell you that again.

Oh my god. I’m old, I’m retired, and I can’t handle rejection. Why why why am I putting myself through this?

Because you just know I’m gonna lose out to that talking cabbage 😂😂😂

The Sunday before Super Bowl

Welp, it’s the Sunday a week before the Super Bowl, which means there’s absolutely nothing on television so I’m watching pre-olympic figure skating with the sound off, pretending I’m the one picking the music for every skater.

Having that job has been my fantasy ever since I saw someone skating to Great Gig in the Sky thirty years ago and thought to myself, “This is so beautiful, why doesn’t everyone do this?” instead of the hokey Broadway tunes  or bland elevator music classical they usually skate to. Watching a beautiful woman sensually move to Pink Floyd was a whole new level of art.

So yeah, that’s what I did today, and my husband obliged me by playing the music I wanted while I watched tv.

Right now Nathan Chen doesn’t know it, but he’s skating to Theme from Local Hero by Mark Knopfler.

I’m doing it this way from now on, it was fantastic and bonus points, I didn’t have to listen to Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski or hear any more music from CATS.

Actually, other than sports and the Food Network, I am not watching television at all. I’m having such anxiety over Donald Trump, I’m making myself sick.

WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HE STILL HERE?

Sigh.

In other news, my new novel, Leaving Candyland, is still out in submission land. I remain hopeful, which is unlike me :).  I just think it’s a sweet book that has a happy ending and a moral — change comes with aging and it doesn’t have to be negative, in fact, as I’m finding out daily in retirement, it’s pretty cool.

I dunno, I think I am going to get an acceptance email any day now.

Any dayyyyyyy…

Probably the most important thing I’ve learned in *old* age is that I now accept I can’t control anything that happens…the only thing I can control is my reaction.  I admit to saying it to myself every time I get sad, like when I remember the kids live thousands of miles away.

I dunno, lately I have been realizing that Gary and I aren’t going to be around forever. It’s sobering to know that every day is a gift now and we can’t take anything for granted. Even if a miracle occurs, we have 20 more years tops, but let’s face it, Gary smokes and I have congestive heart failure. We’re going to be very lucky to have ten more healthy years.

Very, very lucky.

I never felt old before, but Gary’s 70th birthday somehow changed everything, and it’s a real struggle not to be anxious.

So I write.  I write and I write and I write. And I try to avoid catastrophic thinking.

But it’s hard.

I know the pandemic changed me, too.  I still can’t believe it happened and you know what, I was gonna talk about that but it would be breaking my other new rule, which is don’t visit the past or the future, stay firmly in the present. 

So yeah, I’m writing another new novel and a short story because I got a crazy idea and it’s fun so all good.

I just wish spring would get here but hey hey it’s just five weeks until daylight saving time!

I’m rambling, I just wanted to post something here and not Facebook where I’m too lazy to reply to comments today 😂

Anyway, this is actually going to be an exciting week for my son. I will pop by on Wednesday with some news.

Peace and love.

Oh my god!

I have an unbelievable story, so insane I can only post it here because I am afraid people on Facebook will roll their eyes and think I am either lying or crazy or worse, not really care…I mean, it’s not something major, but it’s a nutty coincidence or ESP moment I had that’s blowing my mind.

From around 1982-1992 or so, I worked with a woman named Ellen Hutton I really liked—we were both paralegals who didn’t fit the stereotype—we loved rock music and getting wasted and we were total foodies. In other words, we were wild women in a very conservative atmosphere.

Back then, I would occasionally bring the kids to the office when they were little, and four year old Eric had quite the crush on Ellen, who was very pretty. He called her “Madonna” because even at age four, Eric was obsessed with both music and beautiful women. At the time, Ellen wore her hair curly with a headband just like Madonna.

One Sunday morning, I met Ellen for brunch at Marathon Grill at 19th and Spruce and took Eric with me because he begged me to let him tag along and have breakfast with “Madonna.” 

He sat there silently and blushed all googly eyed the entire time.

I haven’t thought about that episode in thirty-five years. I even wrote a hundred page speech for Eric’s wedding that included similar stories like his crush on his large breasted babysitter but forgot about the Ellen/Madonna story.

Until today.

Let me preface this story by letting you know that Ellen and I are friends on Facebook but we don’t interact and she rarely posts—with my 3700 friends she’s never in my timeline anyway—and we lost touch thirty years ago when she took another job, but I do know she’s married and lives in downtown Philly. In looking at her posts, she is definitely still cool.

But I digress.

So here’s what happened.

This morning I woke up with Eric’s new song in my head. It’s one of the world’s poorest kept secrets that Eric has a new record coming out this year and I know I’m his mother, but this music is mind blowing and I think it’s going to be huge. I can’t get the music out of my head, it’s very catchy, with amazing lyrics.

So yeah, I woke up singing the first single, which is coming out in two weeks. And then I got a little thrill realizing our local college radio station will play it. The last time Eric had a single in regular rotation on the radio a few years ago, Gary and I heard from all kinds of people from our past who heard it, too, everyone from former co-workers to our former pot dealer. It was a lot of fun.

So that’s when out of nowhere as I am getting out of bed, the Ellen/Madonna story popped into my head because out of all my former coworkers in fifty years of working, she was a favorite and one of the few I even remember and I know it’s weird and probably obnoxious but I hoped she would hear Eric’s song. I would love to meet up with her again and have dinner.

Anyway, I went downstairs, poured myself a cup of coffee, and picked up my phone. As I took my first sip, I scrolled down my Facebook timeline and saw a post which I read right away based just on the photo but when I saw who posted it and read the words I almost died.

In fact, I read it like eight times, in total disbelief. How I didn’t spit out my coffee, I have no idea.

So yeah, that’s my story for today.  Out of nowhere—Ellen Hutton and Madonna twice in one day. I’m still shocked and shaking my head. The coincidence of waking up thinking about them and seeing Ellen’s post today is NUTZ.

Oprah said when stuff like that happens, it’s God letting you know he exists. Well then God, if you’re listening, please have Donald Trump arrested today and let him die in jail tomorrow.

Also, I would appreciate it if Eric’s new record would soar to number one on the Billboard charts though I think he’s pretty solid to get there regardless, his record is that brilliant. 

You heard it here first.

October 31, 2023

Last night Eric and the Kevin Morby band came over for dinner before they head out on tour and Gary made his famous Daddy burgers, using impossible meat for Eric and grass fed beef for everyone else. Well, not me, I had pasta with cauliflower and feta before they got here because I am vegetarian and don’t eat processed food or not really meat products…give me fresh veg please.

Anyway, Eric apparently stealth took the above pic, and while I am not exactly glamorous in the shot, what the fuck, last night was FUN.

In other news, I have not heard anything about my blood work which is way strange.  So either I’m fine or my test never made it to the lab. I always get email results from the lab simultaneously and I haven’t heard a word.

You know I am not calling, I feel fine and really don’t want any potential bad news. I guess you could say I’m a fatalist and you would be right.

Anyway, yeah, hopefully I really am fine. I’m sure I will hear from the lab today.

Sigh…

I started writing this with all kinds of stuff I wanted to say but I just saw this and now I am in shock and need to sign off.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

October 29, 2023

 I know, I know. Where have I been?

Well, yesterday we marched in the neighborhood Halloween parade with Superman I mean Jasper and had a great time so there’s that…

But otherwise, the world is so horrifying and scary right now I can’t watch the news and I have basically had to stay offline to preserve my sanity.

I loathe organized religion but I am a Jew and I am a pacifist so I’m in a truly agonizing place right now.

There’s no good answer.

And like the world isn’t terrifying enough, that hideous, morbidly obese PIG in a wig, that ignorant racist rapist TRAITOR Donald Trump, refuses to shut the hell up.

WHY IS THAT STINKING CARCASS NOT IN JAIL?

Yikes, he smells like wet shit.

I wish a real patriot would step up and take care of him.

To make things worse, a week from today is the end of daylight savings. The night we turn back the clock is literally the day of the year I hate the most. I need sunlight, dammit!

So I have been writing. I have Leaving Candyland on submission right now and much to my shock, I got two immediate acceptances but honestly after researching both publishers further, I decided to take a pass and wait to hear from others.

I also got the best rejection I ever received, where it was clear I was googled.

“Robin,

Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to send us Leaving Candyland – we really appreciate your interest.

We're very aware of the hard work and effort that has gone into your submission and think you have an interesting premise. However, after careful consideration, we don't feel that Leaving Candyland is quite right for us. We publish very commercial, genre fiction, and Leaving Candyland's blend of humour and women's fiction wouldn't be a good fit for us.

On a personal level, I really enjoyed reading your novel - you have a beautifully engaging writing style and piercing insight into the challenges of midlife. Also, as a diehard rock fan, daughter of a bassist and sister of a drummer, I absolutely loved all of your musical references (and am I allowed to say I am in awe of your offspring?!)

Unfortunately, due to the number of submissions we receive and the size of our team we are unable to give more detailed feedback on your manuscript at this stage. Whilst we're not able to accept re-submissions for manuscripts that we've already viewed, please do keep us in mind for any future manuscripts - I would happily read another of your novels!

Once again, our genuine thanks for your submission. We wish you the very best for your future success and really hope you find the perfect home for Leaving Candyland.

Best regards,

The Pitch Team”

Sigh…

While I wait to hear from other publishers, I decided to work on something new. Here’s the premise: A young widow suffering debilitating panic attacks must rescue her children from a charismatic right wing cult leader.

I have no idea where I got this idea, har har, it’s way out of my comfort zone, but I’m so doing it. I’m up to 30,000 words.

In better news, Eric will be in Philadelphia tomorrow to rehearse for touring with Kevin Morby starting November 1 in Boston, so that should be amazing.

Finally, if this seems like a scattered blogpost it’s because I’m out of my mind scared. I had bloodwork on Friday and should have the results tomorrow. I feel okay but this is my yearly study and the results are increasingly worse every year as I age what with the wonky heart, with always the possibility of additional new misery being disclosed. Gah! I already take medication twice a day, five different pills, one of which costs as much as a mortgage payment. I even live in fear of yet more pills and specialists.

Okay, okay, enough of that.

Gonna go watch the Eagles and work on the new book. Yeah, I can do that because who really gives a shit about anything while the world is burning?

September 21, 2023

 

So I have been spending the last few weeks working on my new book, Leaving Candyland, and have avoided, for the most part, both the news and social media. I made the decision to leave the site formerly known as Twitter and I vowed to never visit Donald’s Truth Social page again because frankly, reading that poison makes me feel…murderous. To put it mildly.

Luckily the two of us will never be in a room alone together. It wouldn’t be pretty. I may be small but I’m mighty.

Wait.

EWWWWWWWWWW.

Okay, I feel better.

But now, unfortunately, I have the answer to a question I’ve been asking myself since November 7, 2016. How can good people vote for Trump? I understand the bigots, but I’m talking normal people. How can they not be thoroughly repulsed and terrified by what he says and does on a daily basis?

Welp, now I have the answer. 

It’s because they have no idea.

Unless you are always online on a Twitter type site and/or watching MSNBC 24/7, the average person doesn’t know about the Republican rapid and obvious march toward fascism. They have no idea that electing Donald means the end of our democracy.

They have no clue he sounds both dementia ridden and INSANE.

I know this for sure because for the last three weeks, I have been living my life as a pre-internet person and realized the other night I’ve stopped obsessing over him and his evil Republican cohorts. I put on local news every night for a few minutes and there’s no mention of government shutdowns or Jack Smith or anything Donald. Just sports talk and weather and news of inflation and more shootings and crime for which Biden and the democrats are getting  blamed.

Unfuckingbelievable.

Because there’s never any follow up commentary about how the Republicans are running Congress and they will not do anything about guns or billionaires’ money and the purchase of power.

Honestly, I want to leave America but my kids don’t have the same urgency so I’m not going anywhere. I have no other choice but if I want to stay happy and healthy, I need to stay offline.

I don’t want to know what’s going on anymore. From politics to pop culture, I’m done.  I’m old and I am tired of being horrified.

But my family, music, books, and great food? Bring it on!

So that’s what’s been happening lately at Casa Slick.  Lots and lots of the above, including a wonderful unexpected visit from Eric on Rosh Hashanah. Gary made an incredible vegetarian matzo ball soup and then the two of them went to the Peter Gabriel show where they had a campers’ reunion backstage and not only got to chat and take a pic with Tony Levin but chatted with Mike Portnoy and Omar Hakim, also there to see the show.

Jasper and I stayed home and and watched MasterChef and the Halloween Baking Championship. Jasper had a frozen bacon cheese pup cup and I had a big bowl of vegan chocolate peanut butter ice cream.

It was glorious.

You know what? It’s possible to live in the real world after all.

And now, back to editing Candyland.

August 12, 2023

 

Well here’s something I never had on my life’s bingo card. Sean Lennon showed up at my daughter’s gig last night and my husband , dog and I got to hang out with him for an hour and chat about John and Yoko and other cool stuff and yeah, mind completely blown.

Let me add that Sean told my daughter her performance was EPIC

 

August 8, 2023

We’re on vacation and now you can see what we’re like and you will know why everyone moved away 😂

And here’s my obligatory vacation selfie.

Much more to follow 😎

August 4, 2023

 Thought for today, and it’s a really good one:

“Fear doesn't prevent death. It prevents life.” - Naguib Mahfouz