Saturday, September 19, 2020
Day 189
Day 189, self quarantine:
Saturday, September 19, 2020
Yesterday, Gary began cooking early in the morning for our Rosh Hashanah feast and the house smelled like Thanksgiving all day.
I was in a festive mood.
And then we sat down to dinner of a magical savory vegetable bread pudding with orange rosemary gravy, roasted baby sweet potatoes, fresh steamed corn, and cucumber tomato salad.
And then after dinner, I playfully tweeted, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hope he dies tonight, I know you do, too.”
And then minutes later, CNN tweeted, “Breaking news. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died due to complications of metastatic pancreas cancer, the court says. She was 87.”
And then I almost collapsed over the obvious ramifications and the spectacular meal I just ate rose in my throat like I swallowed a bucket of sticks and ashes.
In shock, I tweeted in response, “Wrong person, God. I guess Satan really is running things now.”
I meant what I said.
What the hell.
I don’t believe in organized religion. But I like the holidays for the food and family and certain symbolism.
Rosh Hashanah is a time for reflection. I’m down with that.
Seriously, the only thing that keeps me from being a complete atheist is I have no explanation for how we’re here. I am not arrogant enough to suggest it’s simply science.
But how can there be a loving God when Justice Ginsburg is gone and he’s still here?
I don’t understand.
I don’t even understand how Tom Petty can be gone and he’s still here.
There’s only one explanation.
Satan really is in charge and he’s wearing many disguises.
Last night he was a senator from Kentucky.
Gary refuses to believe this nomination will happen.
“Don’t worry,” he said “You heard the news. Justice Ginsburg told her granddaughter on her deathbed a few days ago, ‘My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed.’ They’ll respect her last wishes.”
Yeah, right. I didn’t want to get into an argument on Rosh Hashanah but Gary still hasn’t grasped that our current government isn’t just horrible, it’s a transatlantic mob made up of international criminals and oligarchs.
McConnell is bringing Trump’s nomination to the Senate floor next week.
He didn’t have the time to pass a bill on his desk since May bringing economic relief to thirty million unemployed Americans but this he can do next week.
These people are committing crimes in broad daylight now.
I understand this is out of my control. I know the next six weeks leading to the election are going to be even worse.
There’s major criminal financial news coming next week, I’m on Buzzfeed’s mailing list and they’re hinting at something catastrophic.
There’s Donald’s health. He sounds like he’s mainlining heroin these days.
I dunno what’s gonna happen, I have no fucking clue.
I texted with my kids and we all want to leave this country. We wish we could pack and leave tonight.
But we can’t.
So we’ll gather our strength and carry on.
What else can we do?
Wow, what a week. We’re all going to have to wear our big girl/ boy pants on from now on and stay strong.
We’re in for some real insanity, people. We ain’t seen nothing yet.
Oy.
Time for some daily gratitude.
(1) The early morning, when the house is still and I can be alone with my thoughts, writing.
(2) Fresh brewed coffee, especially that first sip.
(3) Birds. It’s only taken me six decades to notice them but better late than never, huh.
(4) Jake. Dogs are everything.
(5) Laughing with Gary. Honestly, he makes me giggle like a kid every day.
I’m not sure what’s going on with us today, I’m still kind of dazed, but we have gorgeous sixties fall weather today so we better get some fresh air and step away from the news.
I highly recommend we all do it.
Happy Saturday.
Friday, September 18, 2020
Day 188
Day 188, self quarantine:
Friday, September 18, 2020
Wow, Friday got here fast this week, one of the perks of being unconscious the first half, huh.
So check out my new planter/statue/whatever.
His name is Li’l Cap’n. Gary had to go to Lowes for something yesterday and came home with him.
While Gary was at Lowes, I was upstairs, cursing my computer because I got kicked off our remote system every five minutes all damn day.
I shook my fist at the ceiling.
“Is this a sign, God? Are you telling me I should stop working?”
Gah! It was horrible that I had to do that. What’s wrong with people? Okay, rhetorical question but still.
Anyway, back to the story.
Shana Tova!
Friday, September 18, 2020
Wow, Friday got here fast this week, one of the perks of being unconscious the first half, huh.
So check out my new planter/statue/whatever.
His name is Li’l Cap’n. Gary had to go to Lowes for something yesterday and came home with him.
While Gary was at Lowes, I was upstairs, cursing my computer because I got kicked off our remote system every five minutes all damn day.
I shook my fist at the ceiling.
“Is this a sign, God? Are you telling me I should stop working?”
And then the office IT guy tried to tell me it was my fault.
I’m the least confrontational person in the world in suchlike matters but I finally snapped. In fact, I went ballistic.
I fired off an email to IT guy and our office manager and cc’d my boss.
“I will not be treated like an idiot. I treat everyone with respect and I expect the same in return...” blah blah blah.
I had some things I needed to say I’d been holding back since I began working there, i.e. dudes, I’m on your team, working for the good of the firm. Don’t treat me like some lesser being or the enemy.
Seriously.
Gah! It was horrible that I had to do that. What’s wrong with people? Okay, rhetorical question but still.
So I had my say and guess what, there was no more snark from anyone when I encountered yet more tech trouble an hour later.
It’s the new me, people. I’m armed with those monthly social security checks and ready to rumble. 😂😂😂
Anyway, back to the story.
I heard the front door open.
“Rob! Rob! Come downstairs! Wait til you see what I bought!”
Ooh, presents. I like presents.
I practically leapt out of my chair and raced downstairs.
“Look,” said Gary, pointing to Li’l Cap’n and grinning at me. “I saw him at the check out counter and freaked out. I thought he would cheer you up after the rough week you had.”
Our eyes locked.
Mine filled up with tears.
Let’s go back many decades ago, pre kids, to our wild hippie selves.
Gary and I were at the beach. We probably smoked two ounces of pot that day because back then pot was $15 an ounce and didn’t send you to the emergency room if you smoked too much. You’d giggle until you got hungry, eat a few pizzas and a couple hundred Oreos, then smoke some more pot to settle your stomach.
It was fun.
Anyway, we were giggling pretty heavily when Gary realized he was thirsty.
“Rob, let’s go up to the boardwalk and get a drink,” he said.
“Noooo, I’m too high,” I replied, rolling over on my belly. “But bring me back a bottle of water, okay?”
That’s the kind of shit I get away with til this day with Gary.
Yep, I’m a lucky girl.
So he went for drinks and I smoked another joint.
I know you had to be there, but when Gary returned, he was wearing a captain’s hat that he bought on impulse at the check out counter while paying for drinks.
I looked up all stoned and saw him standing there grinning with his long bushy hair hanging out of that ridiculous hat and I completely lost it.
“Cap’n Gary, Cap’n Gary,”
I laughed so hard my ribs hurt.
Then Gary started to laugh and pranced around talking like Thurston Howell, III and it was the kind of day and the kind of laughter you never forget.
Even if it was fifty years ago and we did smoke two ounces of pot.
For years, Gary would whip out that hat and put it on whenever he thought I needed a good laugh.
It always worked.
So when I saw Li’l Cap’n, even though our yard didn’t need any more stuff, my heart just about burst.
I’m giggling looking at him now through the window in the early morning light. If he had some black mixed in with the brown, he’d look like Jake.
I love him.
So yeah, it’s the little things.
A gesture of love, whether tangible or not.
Something that makes you smile, or even better, laugh until your ribs hurt.
Anything that takes us out of ourselves and makes us forget our demons.
For me these days that means watching birds and yelling at Donald and his idiot supporters on Twitter.
Hey, whatever works.
So I’m good, Li’l Cap’n is wagging his tail and I’m ready to face today.
“Rob! Rob! Come downstairs! Wait til you see what I bought!”
Ooh, presents. I like presents.
I practically leapt out of my chair and raced downstairs.
“Look,” said Gary, pointing to Li’l Cap’n and grinning at me. “I saw him at the check out counter and freaked out. I thought he would cheer you up after the rough week you had.”
Our eyes locked.
Mine filled up with tears.
Let’s go back many decades ago, pre kids, to our wild hippie selves.
Gary and I were at the beach. We probably smoked two ounces of pot that day because back then pot was $15 an ounce and didn’t send you to the emergency room if you smoked too much. You’d giggle until you got hungry, eat a few pizzas and a couple hundred Oreos, then smoke some more pot to settle your stomach.
It was fun.
Anyway, we were giggling pretty heavily when Gary realized he was thirsty.
“Rob, let’s go up to the boardwalk and get a drink,” he said.
“Noooo, I’m too high,” I replied, rolling over on my belly. “But bring me back a bottle of water, okay?”
That’s the kind of shit I get away with til this day with Gary.
Yep, I’m a lucky girl.
So he went for drinks and I smoked another joint.
I know you had to be there, but when Gary returned, he was wearing a captain’s hat that he bought on impulse at the check out counter while paying for drinks.
I looked up all stoned and saw him standing there grinning with his long bushy hair hanging out of that ridiculous hat and I completely lost it.
“Cap’n Gary, Cap’n Gary,”
I laughed so hard my ribs hurt.
Then Gary started to laugh and pranced around talking like Thurston Howell, III and it was the kind of day and the kind of laughter you never forget.
Even if it was fifty years ago and we did smoke two ounces of pot.
For years, Gary would whip out that hat and put it on whenever he thought I needed a good laugh.
It always worked.
So when I saw Li’l Cap’n, even though our yard didn’t need any more stuff, my heart just about burst.
I’m giggling looking at him now through the window in the early morning light. If he had some black mixed in with the brown, he’d look like Jake.
I love him.
So yeah, it’s the little things.
A gesture of love, whether tangible or not.
Something that makes you smile, or even better, laugh until your ribs hurt.
Anything that takes us out of ourselves and makes us forget our demons.
For me these days that means watching birds and yelling at Donald and his idiot supporters on Twitter.
Hey, whatever works.
So I’m good, Li’l Cap’n is wagging his tail and I’m ready to face today.
Hope you guys are, too. Don’t forget your gratitude lists!
Real quick, here’s what I wrote today:
I am grateful for:
(1) Rosh Hashanah dinner tonight
(2) The freedom of knowing I can retire
(3) Walking Jake with Gary
(4) Autumn
(5) Jethro Tull
Shana Tova!
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