Day 90

Day 90, self quarantine:

Omg, it’s Friday and day 90.

If these posts ever become a book, I can call it 100 Days of the Apocalypse.

Governor Wolf announced last night that Philadelphia isn’t going green until at least June 26...but that’s assuming there are no spikes in cases/ deaths, which I hate to tell you, ain’t happening.

But in any event, yesterday was most excellent.

I went downstairs to grab a cup of coffee around 11:00 a.m. and Gary was glued to the television.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I stood there silent for a few seconds until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Hi! What the hell are you watching?”

Gary turned around with an offended look on his face.

“I’m watching Great Conversations,” he said.

“Wut?!”

“It’s a PBS show that interviews authors,” he said.

Dude, I know. Being on the show with my new bestseller is one of my many fantasies.

The shock is that you’re watching.

I cleared my throat. “Who’s the author?”

Gary stared at me. “You don’t know?”

Not a clue. Oh shit. I’m supposed to be the smart one in this duo. I tell him that all the time. And she’s an important writer, yet.

“It’s Doris Kearns Goodwin,” Gary said before I could lie about not being able to see the television from where I was standing.

“Oh, that’s right,” I lied anyway.

Who the fuck is Doris Kearns Goodwin?

“She won a Pulitzer but I guess you knew that,” he said.

“Yeah. Of course. Be right back,” I said, turning around.

I slid into the bathroom with my phone and googled Doris.

Okay, got it. Historian. Writes biographies of presidents.

Well, geez, no wonder I never heard of her. I skimmed enough to be able to bullshit and walked back into the living room.

“Did you read her new book?” Gary asked.

New book?

“Hang on, I have something in my eye,” I replied, darting back into the bathroom.

I googled Doris’ new book and put eyedrops into my eyes for effect.

Someone please explain to me why, after forty years of wearing contacts, I still close my eyes and open my mouth when putting in eye drops?

Does. not. taste. good.

Anyway, there was no way I could tell Gary I read a book called “Leadership in Turbulent Times” and get away with it but I guess he figured it out for himself.

“We need to order her book, she hates Trump,” he yelled into the kitchen, where I stood drinking juice to get rid of the taste of Bausch & Lomb.

Wait, wut? Order her book?Wut?

Who are you and what have you done with Gary?

And I thought it was insane when he threw a fit last Monday when he realized Trevor Noah was on vacation for another week.

“How can he be on vacation now? Now?!” Gary cried, looking at the images of Trump’s secret gestapo police guarding the Lincoln Memorial on MSNBC.

Oh, yeah. He watches that, too.

I know, right?

Okay, let’s recap.

Up until Wednesday, March 11, 2020, the last night of televised major league sports, other than a television show with our kids or something stellar music wise...or a Simpsons or a Three Stooges from 1935...Gary watched nothing but sports 24/7. He’d watch sumo wrestling with subtitles before he’d watch Great Conversations with Doris Fucking Kearns Goodwin.

I dunno, I’m finding the new Gary very attractive 😎

This could be a Hallmark Channel movie. Gruff sports hippie guy gets quarantined wIth bookish nerd and they fall in love regardless and he starts to read and she starts to like ice hockey ...

Oh.

😂😂😂

In other news, I am feeling guilty because I have a great boss and I’m always yapping about work without mentioning how much I like him and it’s the real reason I just don’t retire now. Anyway, I feel like I didn’t give it my all this week, so what does he say to me yesterday?

“Great job this week! If there’s nothing that requires my attention, we’ll start fresh on Monday. Just tie up any loose ends you have.”

Yessssss.

It’s as if he knew I needed that.

I started rapidly tying up. Everyone I called actually answered. I sent emails and wrote myself notes with a plan for next week.

I felt like a new person.

Isn’t it amazing how much a simple kind gesture or simple kind word from someone can turn your entire day around and change your entire mood?

Something to think about on this Friday, fellow apocalypse dudes.

Go forth and conquer 😎

Day 89

Day 89, self quarantine:

Welp, we made it to Thursday.

I dig Thursdays, we’re almost done for the week and more importantly, from Memorial Day through Thanksgiving there’s a Thursday Farmers Market right around the corner from my house.

Farmers Markets are everything.

Every Thursday night Gary makes something insanely delicious from his purchases though this time of year I’m happy with a sandwich of sliced Jersey tomatoes.

With a side o’fries, naturally.

I have to have Indian food this weekend, though. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without it - I’m having sexual dreams about samosas and navratna curry 😎

I’m pretty sure this is the weekend our yard finally becomes a garden so an Indian feast afterward seems fitting.

Haha it’s fitting that on Thursdays my thoughts turn to food. I have had a food = rewards = love thing going on since I’m like eight years old and I’m pretty sure I passed that on to both kids.

Natalie and Katie lucked out ❤️

I wish I were video savvy and could film a Slick family cooking show on YouTube.

I have ideas, people.

If I decide to retire in the near future, a decadent vegetarian cookbook is coming.

Anyway...

Yesterday was phone call day at work. I actually had to talk to people.

Feh.

I communicate so much better via the written word. And I loathe making mindless small talk with strangers. But...clients.

Oh yeah, I also blast music at the home office. I had Frank Zappa on and I was bopping around while I worked when my cell phone rang. It was someone I’d left a voicemail for and because I can’t do two things at the same time, I answered the phone without turning off the music and because I am using the ancient crappy office laptop without a mouse and also I am old, I couldn’t shut off the music so I ended up having to walk into the bathroom to take the call where the reception was terrible, thought I heard a figure of $3000, told my boss who got all alarmed and said Call them back it’s supposed to be $52,000 and then of course it was $52,000 but I couldn’t hear because I was in the bathroom because I couldn’t figure out how to turn off Frank Zappa and then I had to explain that to my boss and why is nothing ever easy?

So yeah, I hate the phone.

And my boss, who is only a couple years older than my kids, thinks I’m a juvenile delinquent.

Haha, he’s right.

I did have one cool phone moment yesterday. A court reporter I’ve known for years told me excitedly she heard Eric’s new single on the radio.

Shhhh.

I’m not supposed to tell.

But since it’s already been played a few times and Gary and my emails

both blew up with other friends who heard it, here’s the story.

The record was supposed to be released last week. Understandably, Eric made the decision to postpone its release until August. WXPN had an advance copy and it was already programmed in.

So yeah, a bunch of people heard it and they’re blown away. It’s power pop and the perfect anecdote for the state of things...just not this particular moment in history.

But it’s worth waiting for. I can’t stop singing along.

See what I mean when I say I know I have a lot of positives?

Gary and I have had XPN on almost 24/7 since the apocalypse. We were sprawled on the sofa talking when all of a sudden we heard “...and here’s a new song from Eric Slick - Eric is the longtime drummer for Philadelphia band Dr. Dog...” and Gary and I just looked at each other, stunned, because we weren’t expecting it and it was so damn surreal to hear...not to mention it’s an awesome fucking song...

So that was cool 😎.

And now there’s something other than my birthday to look forward to in August.

Okay, I’m pretty sure this is catch up with clerical bullshit day at ye olde home office, which means banging out followup letters and scheduling depositions. Boring as fuck but after the week I had, I’ll take it.

I’m going with Ian Dury and the Blockheads today.

Peace out, apocalypse dudes.