Day 42

Day 42, self quarantine:

I overslept this morning.  That never happens.

Okay, I did stay up to watch Brad Pitt advise us not to drink disinfectant on Saturday Night Live.  Maybe that’s why.

Or maybe I just wanted to stay in bed with the covers over my head and not come out again until this is over.

Gary and I are fine but I’m an over thinker and he just got furloughed.  The thought occurred to me that if Gary could get laid off with a virtually recession proof job after twenty five years, then no one’s job is safe, not even mine.  And while money isn’t an issue and I’m mulling retirement, anyway, every time I pictured myself getting the same phone call Gary got, my stomach sank and I felt really queasy.

What, you didn’t think a drama queen like me would do something insane like that?  Ha ha, then you don’t know me at all.  I wrote an entire one act play yesterday.  

Anyway, by doing that little exercise in masochism, I knew that despite his carefree attitude and denials, Gary wasn’t just shrugging it off, either.

You always want to leave on your own terms.  Not just in
terms of your job.  I’m pretty sure that’s a rule for all of life, too.

Wow.  Another lesson learned while confined.  Give it up for quarantine!

Yesterday, I read over this journal and had yet another epiphany, one I’ve unfortunately had before and must have forgotten.  Most of the time, my writing voice was lighthearted.  Coronavirus isolation was like summer camp.  I cracked jokes and talked a lot about food.  I took everything seriously but tried to make this experience  enjoyable.

On Friday, I woke up happy with my only concern being should Gary make pizza or should we order one.  And with one email and one phone call, everything changed.

Death and change are inevitable.  There’s no escaping either - your life can be totally turned upside down in seconds.  You can only control how you react.

And that is why we must live in the moment and appreciate everything we have because everything is so god damn temporary and fleeting.  As a neurotic mess, it’s so much easier for me to always look at the glass half empty.

It’s not.

I’m gonna work on that.

We ended up ordering pizza from a place in the neighborhood we last tried a few years ago.   We only remembered not hating it.  I dunno, maybe our higher power was listening, our no contact, curbside delivery arrived within twenty minutes, steaming hot.

It was glorious.

I took a pic - look at it!  One bite and it was like strolling on the boardwalk.

I don’t know what today holds but I do know we have leftovers.  Few foods make me as happy as reheated boardwalk style pizza.

Happy Sunday.

Day 41

Day 41, self quarantine:

Yesterday really sucked. There’s no sugar coating it.

The email arrived at 10:30 a.m. from our law firm’s founding partner.

“It is with great sorrow and regret that we inform you of the death of our friend and long time invaluable member of our staff...”

Oh, no.  This is one I never saw coming.  I tried to process the news but it was like I stepped outside my body and this was happening to someone else.

I sat at my desk for several minutes, wanting to go downstairs and hug Gary, but I felt paralyzed.

As I’ve mentioned, I work for an Orthodox Jewish firm.  It’s small, with only five attorneys, and to say it’s incredibly family oriented would be an understatement.

When I first began working there three years ago, after being ravaged by fifteen years of bad career choices, illness, and an early retirement I realized was a major mistake, I was so relieved to have found a “normal “ job that the first six months I worked there, I literally never left my office unless it was to visit the ladies room.  I kept my head down and worked and didn’t socialize.

Bill’s office was directly opposite mine only I never saw him and I was never introduced.  I would later learn he kept crazy hours - sometimes he wouldn’t come in until early afternoon but he would stay until late at night.

So the first few months were a mystery - I had no idea who was in the office across from me.

I literally never saw him.

Or so I thought.

But I would hear him loudly on the phone, and he had a unique, old school way of talking - like he was from another century.  I would hear him introduce himself to people, he had an Irish last name.  I began to picture him in my head.  He had a ruddy complexion and long white hair and looked like a poet.  The only question was, what was he doing working in a law office handling referrals?

Sometimes he was so loud and his speech so affected, he annoyed me.

And after overhearing him a few times, I realized that despite the very Irish last name, Bill was an Orthodox Jew.

Who was this guy?  Why did I never see him?

The answer would be revealed shortly when we had a fire drill and had to exit the building.  We congregated outside, waiting for the firemen to arrive, when I heard someone say, “Hi, Bill!”

Yessss!  I could finally see what he looks like!  I swiveled around, expectantly.

Wait, wut?  

I stood there staring like an idiot.

The guy who spoke like an actor in a Shakespeare play animatedly talking in Hebrew and shaking hands was the huge, seven foot tall African American man I’d seen limping around the office.

Woo, lesson learned.  Never stereotype.

Bill and I became friendly.  He was an interesting guy, definitely from another era though he was actually six years younger than me.  He lived alone, had all kinds of health issues and had trouble walking.  The office was his life.

At our Purim party in March this year, I saw Bill struggling to get his meal together from the makeshift buffet set up so I helped him with his platter.  Later that day, I got an email.

“Dear Robin:
Thank you for your help during the meal.  It was so very kind.  I really appreciate it.  You should always be blessed for your mitzvah.  Please have a great Purim.  Bill.”

When no one heard from Bill for a couple days this week, which was completely out of character, the police were called to do a wellness check and sadly discovered his body.

There was no autopsy, but it is believed his death was caused by Covid-19.

He was a lovely, lovely man.  Our office is devastated.

After I got my shit together I went downstairs to tell Gary and get my hug.

But the day wasn’t over yet.

As we were sitting there talking and Gary was giving me the usual pep talk about death and change, his cell phone rang.

He answered Hello and then walked into the kitchen.  Something in the tone of his voice made me turn down the radio so I could eavesdrop.

I heard him quietly repeat the word “Okay “ several times in a weird, not very Gary tone of voice.  And then:

“What should I do with the computer?”

My heart sank.  Seriously? After 25 years?

Yep.  

Listen, as we both agreed after the shock wore off, up until coronavirus, we had a plan.  Gary was going to retire in August and I would follow a year or two later.  It wasn’t until quarantine that we talked about other options, and really, we still hadn’t come to any decisions.  We were waiting until the pandemic was over.

Anyway, because Gary’s office was unaware of his retirement plan, they “furloughed” him until October.  This is actually awesome news and in retrospect, the best thing that could have happened.  Now I don’t have to worry about him going back to work too soon in what is clearly a dangerous virus breeding  environment and now Gary gets to check out retirement in advance while collecting unemployment.  Trust me, he has no interest in returning to his job in October.  As of yesterday, he’s officially retired from plumbing world though he tells me he’s going to look around for something “fun.”  

And my transportation to and from work when it reopens is now no longer a problem.

See?  Every cloud does has a silver lining.

Sigh...

I’m really going to miss Bill.  And next week is going to be challenging, with my newly retired husband sleeping in and no longer tethered to a laptop.  

But you know what?  I can do this.

Onward!