Hullo...

The Happy Ending Lounge

Ha ha - forgive the Hullo. I'm whipped this morning -- I didn't get back from New York last night until maybe 2:00 a.m. and I kept falling asleep on the train, which of course naturally made me paranoid I was going to sleep through the stop in Philadelphia and wake up in Washington, D.C. so after struggling to stay awake on the ride home, I was in fact awake all night when I got here.

And I'm actually insane enough to be considering hopping back on a train for New York in a few hours to say Hi to Lou Reed (again) and attending the Opium gala tonight.

Last night's Opium Magazine reading was so much fun! As I said in my prior post, it was held at The Happy Ending, which is a former whorehouse...I mean, massage parlor...I mean...Asian Heath Food Store (cos' as you can see, that's what it says on their very pink awning...) and when you walk in, because of that awning, you feel like you're entering a secret society because there is no sign which says "Happy Ending".

Meanwhile, I just realized how funny that is. A whorehouse named "Happy Ending".

I should hope so!

Wait...before I go on with this story any further, I know I said I was through talking about Neil Gaiman, or gaimanizing, but my life is too fucking weird. I just got an email from my publisher (Mundania/Phaze) about participating in this year's Balticon. What the hell is Balticon, I wondered? Is it in Baltimore? I can do a book signing in Baltimore, that's like an hour and a half from Philly by train, and I could certainly do a four day event there; I even know a few people who live in the area and I'd love to hang out with them.

I clicked on the link and almost had a heart attack.

Enough said.

So yeah, looks like my publisher and therefore I will have a table there. Holy shit.

Getting back to last night...

The evening began with a poem by Tao Lin. He's unbelievable. It was crazy. Todd Zuniga, editor of Opium, who is a brilliant writer in his own right, was going to co-read with him but the audience was given a choice of three or four languages for his lines: French, Rumanian, or Swedish. (I think there was in fact a fourth choice but damn if I can remember what it was...it certainly wasn't something easy like Spanish). We of course being hipsters all shouted for Rumanian, which unfortunately meant Todd, who is not fluent in Rumanian but fluent in Swedish, did not read along with him but some gorgeous Rumanian writer guy with a shaved head read in his place and hmmm...note to self: Find out who he is!

Then we heard from a writer named Mike Sacks, who read this piece. Frat humor for sure but I loved it.

The next reader, Tom Lombardi, was hilarious. Oh my god, he read a piece about a hapless guy fucking all twelve members of his yoga class. At the same time. And each woman of course was another hilarious character - yuppie, artist, CPA...ha! Laugh out loud funny. And he wasn't even the headliner.

Up next was the totally insane and outrageously sexy Jim Ruland who read what was more like a performance...we were all so busy watching Jim deliver the goods...plus, he had a "plant" in the audience...and no one can convince me she wasn't a plant but it was all in great fun...who allegedly did not know him but read a few lines with him and somehow was able to execute them perfectly without one error even though it was very dark in there (and Robin thought to herself Thank god I've learned the print out in 16 font and memorize your story first rule).

Finally, we had Sam Lipsyte, and that link will also take you to Amazon to buy his book, which is totally hysterical. The premise of it is this: His character keeps writing to his high school alumni newsletter with updates that are never published but our hero just keeps on writing them anyway, and they are so fucking brilliant...he covers all kinds of crazy ground in each "update" he sends them. Buy the book! Ack, I was talking with him briefly before the reading. (See? I can talk to other writers without fainting, drooling, or clutching anyone's arm) He's got a twenty month old baby, he writes this magnficent book, and nevertheless has a full time job, affording him very little time to write at all. That sucks.

I was my usual great self. Brought the house down.

Ha ha.

All kidding aside, I drank club soda last night - no alcohol, because I've also learned the "no alcohol prior to taking Amtrak" rule, having spent one too many times with my face in their disgusting train toilet. I also met Will Layman! I love Will Layman! And, I hung out some Zoers I've never had the pleasure of meeting prior to last night - writers Anne Elliott and Carol Novack -- as well as Zoers I have met like Ellen Meister, Don Capone, and sort of Zoetroper but former Philadelphian and now I'm-so-jealous-of him-New Yorker Dennis DiClaudio, who wrote a book with the absolutely hilarious title of
Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have.

Actually, talking to Dennis, who is probably young enough to be my son, damn it, was one of the highlights of my night. (Other than hanging with Ellen, who is just so cool and if only I had a pal in Philadelphia like her, but then again, we'd probably get sick of each other and resent spending time away from our writing so maybe it's better she lives in New York and I just come for visits). Getting back to Dennis, he's so terrific! Funny, warm...I dunno, sometimes for whatever reason you just really, really like a person and click with them and that's the way I felt talking to him. Can't wait to read the book!

So that's it for the writing part of my life right now -- I'm still trying to decide whether to return to New York later today.

In music news, I know you are all dying to know how Eric made out at the audition I mentioned the other night. Well, I'm not allowed to say much, just that the person for whom he auditioned said he was a "slam dunk".

I really should not throw in these teasers but can't resist...all I can say is, next week I should have a lot more to say.

But let's put it like this: My very talented and lucky son will be in L.A. sooner than later, and in the meantime, he's getting ready for rehearsals to go out on tour with Project Object this spring. I'm still waiting for Project Object to update their website and when they do, I'll post the link.

Okay...what to do, what to do. I guess I'll drink some coffee, which will at least eliminate the going back to sleep aspect of my decision making.

Later...
xo

Odds and Sods for Thursday, February 2, 2006

Yeah, so tomorrow night I'll be in New York at the above reading and I'm so psyched! I was actually planning on attending the Opium gala on Saturday night but Ellen e-mailed me that she was going solo to the Friday night event and taking the train from Long Island into Penn Station and did I want to meet her there? Ha, yep, no arm twisting needed for that, and I'm a huge fan of Jim Ruland. He once wrote a story about a cook in the Navy who was so excited by the prospect of a warm roast beef in the oven that he had no choice but to, well, fuck it before slicing it down and serving it to his comrades. I laughed my ass off when I read it so I'm excited to meet Jim -- he's also a member of Zoetrope so we "know" each other. Ellen tells me that Sam Lipsyte is equally hilarious; she just read his book and when Ellen recommends something, I listen.

So that should be very cool and like I said, 2006 is already proving to be very interesting.

Yikes...hang on. I may stay overnight in New York for the Saturday evening gala after all. Lou Reed is doing a book signing (photography book) at Hermes, 691 Madison Avenue on Saturday afternoon from 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.

Hmmm...

Hey, I just found out Three Days in New York City placed number #11 in the Preditors and Editors Readers Poll, Best Mainstream Novel 2005 (published by an independent press, of course).

Err...mainstream? Okayyyyy....

I'm really glad I'm all alone at the moment. You wouldn't have wanted to witness the spectacle of what I did when I got the news a few minutes ago. Let's just say chest pounding was involved. With both fists. And some weird Tarzan like primal screams I didn't know I could make.

Okay, let me slip this announcement in here. Eric has two huge auditions - one tonight, one next week. That's all I am allowed to say at this point. Of course auditions are auditions so even if they go really well it may be a while before anything happens...but maybe tomorrow morning I'll be able to spill a little of what went on this evening before I leave for New York in the afternoon.

In unrelated news, Eric, C.J. Tywoniak, Louis Graff, and Max DiMezza are performing Elephant Talk and Indiscipline for Adrian Belew on Tuesday night. If you follow the link on Adrian's site, you'll see that he's doing a series of concerts and workshops for Rock School kids next week, and since Eric, Louie, and Max are graduates and Rock School Hall of Famers, they're going to play for him in sort of a showcase.

Sob...I'm not invited. Though given my recent behavior around celebrities, it's probably best I stay home. (Now, now...I am over the Gaiman incident finally and besides, I've already met Adrian Belew but the truth is, this is an intimate gathering of Adrian and the Rock School grads and I don't want to stand there like some overbearing stage mother, anyway, god forbid. Though trust me, I am not a stage mother, just a proud one.)

Anyway, Eric is performing for Belew at 5:00 p.m.; immediately after that I have to whisk him to New York for his show with his band, Flamingo, at the Knitting Factory...he doesn't go on until 10:00 p.m.

It's funny how my New York trips always go in spurts. Tomorrow, Tuesday, and then...? Ha ha - someone call me. I'm available.

For a reading, for a reading.

Sheesh.

Later,
xo

Last night's reading at Community College (a/k/a what I learned from the Neil Gaiman reading)

Ha ha - thanks to one of my partners in crime, author Ellen Meister who took pity on my lack of the photogenic gene and turned the below photo Julie snapped of me on Tuesday into these cool head shots. By the way, click on Ellen's link. This time rather than link you to her blog (which she doesn't update daily because, ahem, she's working on her second hard cover book for Morrow/Avon and she's got a deadline), I'm sending you directly to her Publishers Marketplace page...and you can say you met her here first because trust me, after this summer when her debut novel hits the stores, she's going to be a superstar.

So. All day yesterday prior to the reading at Community College, I was a wreck. I have no idea why this was; I've done a ton of readings to usually very nice receptions, but there is one that comes back to haunt me from time to time that I try and put out of my mind but for some reason, it made an appearance yesterday bigtime and I literally started to shake even though I knew for sure the same thing couldn't possibly happen twice...because I'd never make the mistake I made there again. More on that in a minute...

Up until around a week ago, I was going to read Chapter One from Three Days in New York City. But to be honest, because I was reading at a college and not a bar I started thinking it was inappropriate as the first chapter contains phrases like "nipple clamps" and "this whip looks like a limp...(fill in the blank)". So then I thought, okay, I'll read a couple flashes I've written recently...they're short and I won't lose the crowd's attention. But then I remembered I'm reading with Randall Brown, who, along with my pal Joe Young is like Grandmaster Flash of the Universe, and I figured anything I read would pale in comparison. Yeah, yeah, take a Dale Carnegie course or something, Rob.

Suddenly, I realized I had the perfect story already written -- well, almost already written -- and even better, I could kill two birds with one stone. Because after torturing myself for days, I figured the one way I could get over the shame of the Neil Gaiman signing incident and redeem myself would be to turn it into a short story. Okay, a memoir, but right now, thank you very much James Frey, I am afraid to even use that word. Ha! (Though I still think he was lynched on Oprah, which I do not normally watch but my son wanted to see it so I stuck around for five minutes and I cringed so much for this poor schmuck I had to walk out of the room. Trust me, I'm not defending Frey...in fact, if you want to see exactly how I feel and put much more eloquently...please go visit my friend Susan Henderson's website.)

So I took my Gaiman blog post of last week and put a little backstory in, tightened it up considerably, and ended up with what I hoped would be a fairly entertaining read.

Okay, first shock is: I walked into Community College and not only was the room fairly large -- it was a lecture room -- it was packed with teachers and students and other writers and even people from my neighborhood! Arghhh! (I live less than a mile away from the school). Not only did they have a podium with two microphones, there was a video camera set up and when you're at that podium, that camera is right on you and oh my god, I am so glad I did not know that in advance.

I of course wore a black Bob Dylan t-shirt and jeans. Oh alright, video camera or not, I would have worn it anyway, so who am I kidding.

Anyway, there was a host of introductions, Carla and Christine came up and talked about Philadelphia Stories, and they were totally cool -- even announced how I was a long time member of their editorial board and that Randall Brown had now come aboard as editor thereby making me want to come off of sabbatical and give them a hand editing again because Randall is so much fun and such an awesome writer.

And speaking of Randall, he read first and oh boy did I make a wise decision not to read my flashes because Randall read from what will be his flash collection - he even held up a color copy of its cover -- and he was awesome. Especially terrific was a story he wrote about a father torturing his mother-in-law via his young son.

David Floyd read next -- he's a brilliant poet with a new book coming out later this year but I found this poem of his online which I wish, wish, wish he had read last night because I like it so much and is so on target with how I feel most of the time I should just have it made into a (black) t-shirt:

Pensee of the Shameless

If there were such a place as a shame place,
he'd owe so much rent in shame
he'd eventually be evicted,
so he made up his mind
not to go there
to this place that he didn't want to exist,
and because his mind was so made up
he found every kiss that follows
a first kiss isn't as good as a first kiss,
but he was willing to try to prove himself
wrong with any willing woman,
and when the weather within him
was grainy and almost soundless
like some pornography of sky,
he found his own stratification
for his climate,
even though it meant being a southpaw
to the right-minded with perfect reasons,
even though it meant they'd drop salt
on his name-he wanted to be a bird
without the weight of feathers.

Whew. How good was that?

Okay, anyway, then they introduce me. One thing I learned at Neil Gaiman's reading last week was how he engaged the crowd. I watched him closely, he smiled at us, he paused at all the right places...he made us feel like he was reading to each of us personally. And he also had a pitcher of water and freely took sips while he read.

So I'm all prepared; I've not only brought along a bottle of Poland Spring water, I've brought a plastic cup from home because when I drink straight from the bottle, I get the hiccups, and that's just another fun fact about me I'm sure you're better off not knowing. (Hey, it's better I tell you about that than about my aversion to people touching my feet. Oh hell, I just did, didn't I. Well, it's not that I am foot paranoid; it's just that I'm extremely ticklish, and if you touch my feet, well, for some reason that has a direct connection to my bladder...and....oy, never mind).

Naturally, when they called my name to come up and read, my first act was to leave the bottle of water and cup under my seat and as soon as I stood at the podium and realized what I'd done, instead of being a normal human being and fetching it, I stood there for a brief moment convinced I had drymouth and was going to start coughing uncontrollably. And then I looked straight into that television camera...and yep, it was in fact a television camera and if you have Comcast cable or any other local cable carrier in Philadelphia and surrounding suburbs, you'll be able to watch this on the Philadelphia Community College cable channel, which I believe is Channel 53, in the very near future and I will post a link as soon as I get the word when.

I started out by holding up a copy of Three Days in New York and talking about it and why I would not be reading it from tonight (can you say nipple clamps?) and that made the crowd laugh which instantly relaxed me. So then I started winging it.

"Do you guys know who Neil Gaiman is?"

And of course most everyone in the room shouted out YEAH!

"Okay," I said. "Is there anyone in this room who doesn't know who Neil Gaiman is?"

And one (fellow)dork raised his hand and said "No" so I said "Well, you're going to find out who he is in this story I'm about to read, but as a brief background, he's a very famous writer who I met last week...and I made such an idiot of myself that I really had no choice but to write about it...(crowd laughed bigtime which was very cool)...and so, without further ado, "The Night I Met Neil Gaiman and Confirmed I am a Dork". (And then everyone REALLY laughed).

So that set up the story nicely and had me almost Zen-like calm and forgetting about no water, etc. Taking a cue from Gaiman, I really tried to engage the audience. When I got to parts like "He's using my pen! He's using my pen!" I actually acted them out and grabbed onto the podium like it was Eric's arm. So I had the audience eating out of my sweaty neurotic little palm and I still don't believe it.

If I've ever written a more crowd pleasing piece, I'm not aware of it. Well, I did get a great response to Three Days when I read at KGB in New York, but that's because everyone was drunk. Ha.

Which reminds me of the incident I mentioned above -- the one reading I wish I could forget but never will. It was held at TIXE in New York in 2003 at a very cutting edge art gallery. The reading was scheduled for a Saturday evening, so Julie and I decided to make a weekend of it and we stayed at a beautiful hotel Friday and Saturday nights, with our plan being to do Christmas shopping during the day Saturday, eat a gourmet meal somewhere, and then head off to the reading.

What the hell was I thinking? You can't trudge all over New York easily during Christmas season, eat a big meal, and then go read. I didn't even practice reading out loud beforehand! And get this -- while we're out shopping, it started to snow like crazy, and we were all the way at like 5th Avenue and 57th Street and our hotel was over by the U.N. Building miles away. Okay, not miles, but in a snowstorm, it felt like miles, and naturally, there were no cabs and Julie hadn't yet mastered New York's subway system. (She now has, Julie being Julie, and too cheap for cabs though not too cheap to have Mom take her to Le Bec Fin for lunch...see post of January 30)

Anyway, we were freezing and exhausted when we showed up at TIXE, and this you won't believe altogether. It was so trendy chic in there that they only had one single light bulb hanging above this dark, dark stage in the back of the gallery. And for some ungodly reason, I'd printed out my story in like number 10 font. Since I am no longer twenty years old but still hadn't caved and bought those dreaded bifocals, I couldn't see a thing. I mean, really. I held my pages in front of me on that stage, with my daughter in the audience for the very first time, and was totally and completely helpless. And here's this hip, New York crowd sitting on the floor, drinking jug wine, and I just knew they were mocking me. (They weren't...that was just me being me). But I felt like Bambi when he got the news his mommy had died.

I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't see. I read a few lines, stumbled, then asked for more light only to be told "there is no more light!" and I definitely heard someone say "she should get herself some glasses"...so combine that with how tired I was and how devastated I was that Julie had to witness my shame, that I simply walked off the stage and said "I can't do this."

Lucky for me, there was a real live actress in the audience who was only too happy to read my work for me and she was kind and wonderful and I don't remember her name but I will be forever grateful to her even though I will also forever wallow in shame. I made up my mind that night I would never be unprepared for a reading again. I would print my work out in size 16 font, memorize the piece anyway if I could, and if I needed glasses I'd freaking get them. (As it turns out, I did not require bifocals...just some normal lighting in the room, damn it!)

Anyway, none of that happened last night. I hate to say this, but you know I am always putting myself down so if I'm saying it now, you know it has to be true. Last night I FUCKING RULED!!!!!

However...

I just read over the last chapter of my novel in progress a few minutes ago -- a section I worked on late last night when I was all hyped up -- and let me change that statement.

I FUCKING SUCK!!!!

Ha.

Okay, obviously I am now off to edit, damn it.

P.S. By the way, Neil Gaiman has a new website which went live today with a brand new blog format. Dear god, am I going to have to look at that picture of him every day now? Okay, okay, I mean...ten times a day now? Heart be still. Though if you ask me, he should have used this one instead:



Anyway, go see Neil's new blog (ha ha - yeah, he's "Neil" now). It's right here.

Later...
xo

Introducing Rock School's newest All-Star...Ms. Carolyn Pagnotta!

Congratulations to the very beautiful, sweet, and talented Carolyn Pagnotta -- who is not only my son's signifcant other, but is now an offical Paul Green School of Rock Music All-Star - Alpha!

She's awesome! Apparently her performance of Siberian Khatru at the Trocadero impressed Paul so much she was immediately accepted into the All-Star program. This means that she's going to have amazing opportunities to play in front of huge crowds at famous venues all over the country and I am just totally thrilled for her.

(I just watched the All-Star DVD at the LA Knitting factory of Eric and the All-Stars and I'm freaking speechless. Sara Zimmerman, Katie Jacoby, Zach Miller, the Courtneys, C.J., Julia, Terry...good lord, what a treat!)

********

ETA: I know you are all dying to know how my reading went last night (ha ha). But I need to devote a separate journal entry for that because I have a lot to say for a change and I wanted Carolyn to have her own special tribute post so I'll be back later with the details of how it all turned out.

Community College Poets and Writers Festival tonight at 5:15 p.m.

Julie snapped this photo yesterday because I was moaning that it is impossible to take a flattering picture of me. This still isn't great, but at least I don't look like I'm a stunned circus freak -- my expression is more on the order of I've heard the news that Alito is being confirmed today. Monty dog, however, is his usual gorgeous self and as his custom whenever I sit down, attached to my hip.

So I know they're announcing the Oscar nominees later this morning, but before they do, I thought all Rock School parents would like to have a look at the list on the official Oscar site: List of Eligible Releases for Distinguished Achievements during 2005 78th Annuel Academy Awards.

What the hell. They say those damn penguins are going to take all the honors, but you never know...

Anyway, yay Rock School!!!

Last night I went out to dinner with Julie and boyfriend Matt at Las Cazuelas and I got all emotional, because among other birthday gifts he gave her -- such as three days next weekend in Montreal at the Ritz Carlton (oh boy is she my daughter) -- Matt put together an album of everything from ticket stubs to concerts they attended to photographs of the two of them doing all kinds of crazy stuff over the last two years -- the west coast Rock School Tour, Rock School All-Stars at Zappanale in Bad Doberan, East Germany, 2003, and their various vacations together as well as the recent trip to England the three of us took in October. He's even got our UK train tickets in there, and directions given to us by the owner of a hip hop shop as to where we could find the best rock CDs in London. Arghh -- this is probably too personal so I'd better stop before I embarrass them further, and besides, just looking at the album closed on the table right now is causing my eyes to fill up.

Damn hormones.

But my daughter is a lucky WOMAN (arghh again) to have found such a great guy. What an incredibly sensitive and loving thing to do.

So as previously mentioned, I'm reading tonight at Community College Spring Poets and Writers Festival on behalf of Philadelphia Stories and it starts at 5:15 at the Winnet Building, 2nd floor, Room 3, 17th Street just below Spring Garden.

I have butterflies and I don't know why. I've read at KGB in New York which is as good as it gets and wasn't nervous at all. Okay, yeah, who am I kidding, I was scared to death, but they had alcohol there and a glass of wine beforehand did wonders.

I'll just tell myself I'm there tonight to hear the great Randall Brown and then kind of detach myself from my body when they call my name. Maybe Randall will switch places with me so it won't be too much of a let down when they get me after they hear him.

Maybe I should just calm down and go practice reading my story.

Later,
xo

Happy Birthday Julie!

Julie Slick, probably the most gorgeous twenty year old in the universe. Okay, so I'm prejudiced, but still...

Yep, Julie turns twenty today. A moment of silence while I recover from the shock of it all.

Alas, Drexel University does not allow time off for birthdays, so she is headed out the door with boyfriend Matt for a fun-filled day of classes and then we're going out to an early dinner somewhere in the neighborhood because Matt is taking her to the Franklin Institute at 8:00 p.m. to see the Bodyworlds exhibit, which is too cool for words. Go check out the website -- man, it's intense -- an anatomical exhibition of real human bodies. Here's a taste - it's called "Man Playing Chess"

Heh. Looks like something in a Neil Gaiman book, huh. Okay, that's enough Gaimanizing. I'm finally over it and plan to spend today calmly reading/memorizing the story I've written for the Community College reading tomorrow. Yikes, I found out I'm reading last -- there's only three readers -- but holy cow, I have to follow Randall Brown, who is one of my favorite short story writers. Oh, the pressure!

Wait -- hang on. Gaimanizing? I do believe I've just invented a new, wonderful word. I just did a quick Google search and I cannot believe it, no one has ever used it before. How is that possible? Hahahahaha - hey, if you saw/heard him in person, you would know just how brilliant this is and I think I should contact Websters and Wikipedia at once.

Right.

So as I mentioned the other day, on Friday Julie and I had our annual birthday lunch at Le Bec Fin. When we sat down, our waiter asked us if we'd like a glass of champagne. Okay, I'm a terrible mother, my daughter is not twenty-one and legal yet, but I said SURE, and this painfully handsome sommelier poured us each a glass and then the infamous owner, Georges Perrier, came over to our table and like every other man who sees her, gasped over Julie but then was kind enough to include me in his comment "To what do I owe the pleasure of these two beautiful women in my restaurant?" and Julie blushed prettily and I, ever the nervous bigmouth (see Gaiman post below) blurted "It's my daughter's 21ST BIRTHDAY" (I guess so as not to get arrested for allowing my daughter to underage drink -- oh my god, I really am such a dork it's pitiful)...anyway, he made a fuss, kissed her hand...I had insanely delicious salmon; Julie had some fish I've never even heard of...then we had desserts and I say desserts because we both had like five slices of each -- and here's a fun fact -- did you know that "stressed" backwards is "desserts"? In this case, it makes perfect sense, because when our waiter handed me the check, it was for $207.00. I blinked and tried to focus my eyes -- I thought I was seeing wrong; Julie saw my face and looked over and she almost fell out of her chair -- because oh my god, it turns out that our slender glasses of champagne were $48.00 (ha ha - I guess if you are wealthy enough to eat at Le Bec Fin, you don't bother to ask the waiter how much the champagne is when he offers you a glass)...but um, $207.00 for lunch is a little outrageous though Julie and I had a good laugh over what idiots we are...you simply cannot take us anywhere. Because after we realized we'd drunk $48.00 a glass champagne and how expensive lunch was, we sat there giggling uncontrollably though Julie did manage to gasp "Mom...seriously...please don't buy me a present, too - this lunch was my present" and I'm like, okay, right, sure, whatever...but of course in Julie's world, every day is her birthday -- she has both her father and me eating out of her beautiful little hand all year.

I will also give you a brief synopsis of this day twenty years ago. I went into labor, called my doctor, and you know, the contractions were coming pretty quickly and he said get to the hospital. It was the coldest day ever - it must have been fifty below zero, and because I'd been confined to my bed since October of that year because of all kinds of complications, I never bought a winter coat which would accommodate my pregnancy. So I wore this big old black coat with a huge beaver collar (arghhh...don't shoot me, PETA people, it wasn't mine) I'd inherited from my late mother and naturally because I hadn't been outdoors since October I had no gloves, no winter shoes, nothing available. Gary was like "No problem, Rob, we'll park in the inside lot adjacent to the hospital, you'll only be outside for a minute."

Cool, right?

Wrong.

We parked in what was the soon to be demolished indoor lot at Jefferson University Hospital in downtown Philadelphia. There were no available spots, so Gary kept driving up and up and up and up until we were like on the 17th floor of this thing and by now, the contractions are really coming hard and fast and I was starting to freak out. We get out of the car and head for the "EXIT" signs. Only one problem. Every door was locked. We then raced for a sign which said "Elevator"...only, the elevator had a sign "Out of Service". So then we tried to find stairs. Meanwhile, it may have said "indoor parking" but of course it was probably a hundred below zero in there; it was all open and we were up high in the wind...and I was in freaking agony.

We must have walked around that parking lot for a half an hour, me convinced I was going to die in there; Gary out of his mind altogether. Miraculously, we finallly stumbled on the one unmarked door that was actually unlocked and led to a staircase...only to walk down several flights to learn that the door on the ground floor was locked. Gary started pounding and screaming "SOMEBODY HELP US SOMEBODY HELP US!" At that point, we were both frozen solid and I didn't even feel the contractions anymore. Anyway, a pissed off looking attendant opened the door and said "What the hell are you two doing in here" and Gary started cursing at him about the conditions at the parking lot and I'm like "Um...I think I'm dying here" so we rushed into the emergency room and a couple of hours later, Julie made her appearance and life as we knew it would never be the same again and I swore she'd be an only child.

And six months later, I was pregnant with Eric.

In case you haven't guessed, I've adored being a parent and I've got a little sob caught in my throat right now as I realize Julie is no longer a teenager...and life is changing for me bigtime once again.

A little too rapidly.

Later...
xo

And I was worried about 2006 not being exciting (though I'm still cringing over the Gaiman incident)

Too funny - I found this photo online on some kid's blog. Yet another "the back of my head shot" at the Gaiman signing, where he is HOLDING MY PEN! I can add this to the collection -- I have a whole series of back of my head shots from England, where I made the mistake of entrusting my camera to my daughter and her boyfriend. Actually, in light of the photo below that Eric took of me the night of the signing and in light of the fact that everyone who meets me says "Oh my god, you are so much prettier than your picture" I guess from now on, it's back of the head or nothing.

And by the way, I also found a picture of the vampire who sat next to me. See? I told you he was a normal looking guy!



So yeah, I've been in a great mood except for the times when I'm cringing over what a dork I was that night. Because I was so sure I'd never be able to top 2005 and I started realizing that not only did 2006 start out with that incredible reading, I have a ton of really cool stuff coming up.

I'm reading at Community College Tuesday night at 5:15 p.m. and I've made my decision to go the humor route and read a brand new piece though I will talk about my book a bit.

And I've heard from my publisher which is great news because I was really starting to get neurotic about that and naturally assumed they thought my book was a piece o'crap. Anyway, they've told me that Another Bite of the Apple, which is the sequel to Three Days in New York, will be released shortly and in time for the RT Convention in Daytona Beach, Florida this May and yes, yes, I will be attending and what the hell, I'll even dress as a vampire. Wait, what am I saying. No, no I won't. Maybe I'll wear a corset, though. I've always wanted to do that, anyway. I just hope they have dim lighting. People really get into it at this convention - you have all of the romance people dressed as fairy princesses and the paranormal people in the aforesaid vampire attire and then there's the people like me in a black shirt and jeans who wonder what the hell they are doing there but Phaze does publish erotica and they lump us in there, too, even though I will once again say for the last time THREE DAYS IN NEW YORK IS A COMEDY though, okay, it does contain very graphic sex but I'm kind of poking fun at everything in it.

I've also written a couple of new short stories and have gotten a lot of good feedback on Embouchure, a story I wrote a few months ago which was recently published here. So that, along with the whole Gaiman "You must be Robin" thing, restored my confidence - hence my writing tear. Damn. I'm still kicking myself for not asking him how he knew that. I guess it's going to be one of life's unsolved mysteries.

In music news, Eric and his band Flamingo have a gig at the Knitting Factory in New York on February 7; he's got the April-May tour with Project Object which will take him all over the place and I'll be flying here and there to see his shows in selected cities...and he's got something really, really exciting happening this week which I will spill probably Thursday or Friday. It could be major. Meanwhile, Flamingo is busy recording their new CD and I've heard the rough cuts. It's amazing. Mind blowing, even. And this is without the vocals yet, which still haven't been added.

Tomorrow is my daughter's 20th birthday. I'll have a lot more to say about this momentous occasion then, as well as recap our lunch Friday at Le Bec Fin.

That's a pretty funny story in itself.

Later,
xo

You're tagged!

As stated yesterday, I've been tagged again but was first warned of that fact via e-mail. Ha ha - when I first saw that subject line I thought Holy crap, what did I do now? But it's all in good fun.

So here's the deal. Author Ellen Meister has tagged me for the below questionnaire that's making the rounds in writer circles. "Tell ten interesting facts about yourself". Most of you know everything weird there is to know about me, but I’ve dug deep into what’s left of my brain and hopefully there are a few surprises:

1. I’ve played guitar since I’m eleven years old but inexplicably I have only really mastered three songs in my entire life: The Girl from Ipanema, Jethro Tull’s version of Bourree, and Arlo Guthrie’s Coming Into Los Angeles. (Ha ha – I used to scream those lyrics at the top of my lungs. Look 'em up when you visit Arlo's above provided link and it won't be too hard to figure out why)=

2. My right eye is light green and my left eye is brown

3. I used to steal Barbie accessories from my cousin Annie because she had really great stuff and I had the five and dime knock-offs but I got caught when I tried to make off with her prize possession – Barbie’s pearl encrusted satin wedding dress for her marriage to Ken.

4. Speaking of Barbie, I once got in trouble for undressing her and Ken, taping them together naked, and wheeling them down the street in my (fake) Barbie car. Having just heard a rumor about how babies were born, I was hoping they’d make me a little Skipper or Midge doll.

5. I am an unbelievable cook. No, really, I am. I usually put myself down in every other area, but when it comes to cooking and baking, I rule. Therefore…

6. The Food Section is the first thing I read in the Sunday newspaper, not the book reviews or international news. You have my permission to shoot me now.

7. I have a fantasy that it’s my job to choose the music/songs for professional ice skaters and I can’t even watch the Olympics without picking out some obscure rock song in my head that I think would work much better with the choreography than the hokey songs they’ve selected.

8. And then there’s that other fantasy of mine to be a real rock and roll radio disc jockey…not the knucklehead Howard Sterns out there now but someone who plays great music and talks music and gives music history lessons and yes, I know, I’d have about five listeners but who cares.

9. I cannot do anything without listening to music simultaneously.

10. Not counting jeans, I wear only black clothing. There are no exceptions to this rule. I don’t even own a pair or shoes or coat that isn’t black.

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Okay, now you know all there is to know about me. I tag the brilliant and hilarious Lori Young and the beautifully poetic/prolific Kat Denza!

Be sure to check on their blogs later today or tomorrow for what is sure to be a fun and interesting read.

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In other news, I have a new piece up today in that favorite insane magazine of mine, Opium, which is part of a series of interconnected stories I've been working on for the past several years. And in case you didn't know, Opium is throwing a five year anniversary gala for themselves on February 4 in New York City. You'll see it advertised on their website, along with a list of the simply stellar authors who will be in attendance. Since Eric has a gig at the New York Knitting Factory on February 7, I'm seriously considering getting a hotel in New York for three days.

Ahem. Three Days in New York City?

Odds and Sods for January 25, 2006 (and Neil Gaiman is driving to Philadelphia?)

Eric Slick at the Digitech party in LA last week

Happy Hump Day.

So things are happening here -- looks like my son has an agent (and it's someone we all know and love and no, no, it's not me but I'm not saying another word until it's definite because I made that error with "that other band" with whom Eric was briefly involved and I've learned my lesson). There's a strong possibility that Eric will be out in LA again both before and after the spring Project Object tour in between going into the studio and recording some demos.

By the way, Andre of Project Object e-mailed me a mock-up of their updated website yesterday which includes Eric and I cannot wait to post the link once it's officially up. The group photo is absolutely hilarious and wonderful. But Andre does have the following in the "News" section already:

"Hey all. Hope u are well.....Stay tuned -we have a BUNCH of dates coming your way soon, the Spring Tour will be roughly mid-April to mid-May. AND -- a big change for us...Ta-da!! We have a new Drummer!! Yes indeed -- the wheel has turned folks....as with the REAL, actual Zappa band, occasionally we like to shake it up and get some new blood in there -- this time I have brought on board the incredible talents of ERIC SLICK - amazing Philly based drummer, some of you may have seen him sit-in at Philly shows, most recently at the World Cafe' Live , where he steered the band through the greatest version of 'King Kong' we have ever done. ERIC is also a graduate of Paul Green's School of Rock - and he appears in the movie ROCKSCHOOL about that great chain of schools. I've had my eye and ear on Eric's skills for a couple years now, but he had school and studio responsibilities that precluded the possibility of hiring him. Glenn Leonard will go on to other ventures, we wish him luck and thank him for his years of hard work in the band from 2002 to 2005. Stay tuned, you might even see him sit in on some tuned percussion somewhere....ALSO - this will be the first...100% PAUL GREEN SCHOOL OF ROCK STAFF TOUR!!! - Yes indeed, everyone in the band either currently, or in the past, has taught or attended the PGSOR..Besides Eric Slick's tenure at the Philadelphia school... I am proud to say I am now running rehearsals at the Bergen, NJ School, Eric Svalgard (KEYS/VOC) is a director/teacher, and Dave Johnsen (BASS/VOC) teaches, both at the Downingtown NJ location, Ike Willis (GTR/VOC) is at the Los Angeles school (with P/O alumni Carl Restivo)...special occasional guest Seahag/Robbie Mangano is at the NYC school..and finally Veteran Driver-Merch Goddess Laura Wilson worked at the NYC location anad still does some projects for them! WOW - Paul Green has..invaded Project/Object. Yikes!! SEE YA ON TOUR FOLKS!! more info soon...."
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All I can say is, Yay, Rock School! Yay, Eric! He made a ton of contacts at NAMM and it appears they're paying off.

I like how he casually mentions to me yesterday "Oh, did I tell you Ringo's tech kept coming up to me and telling me how great I was?"

Err...no, dear, you didn't, or I'd have posted a billboard immediately. Oh well, consider it posted now.
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In writing news, I was recently solicited by two separate publishers for anthologies -- one mainstream, one erotica, so I sent off two stories and I'm pretty psyched about that. More info as soon as I receive it.

I heard from Megan at Playgirl Magazine yesterday that my bio/interview will be in her next print column so you know I'll be screaming from the rooftops when that appears. Also, an excerpt from my novel will be on their website soon. Again, just listen for the screams of joy coming from the vicinity of the Art Museum area and you'll be able to figure out when that happens easily enough.

I also have a new blog with Phaze which will solely concern my projects with them. Here's the link to that but I don't have anything posted yet. Ha ha - Phaze doesn't know what they're getting into with me. I'm a serial blogger as you can tell. But the nice thing about having a blog at Phaze is that I don't have to mention Julie and Eric ad nauseam...I can simply promote my books there and not bother any of you with that unless...nah, scratch that, I'm still going to bother you.

Hey, speaking of writing, just a reminder that I'm reading at the Poets and Writers Festival at Philadelphia Community College on Tuesday, January 31 at 5:15 p.m. but of course I'll post more links and info on that either Monday or Tuesday morning. I have to decide what I'm reading...I have a few flashes which are funny and crowd pleasers, but I guess the businesswoman in me (ha ha ha what businesswoman? You mean this clueless baby boomer sitting here now in a faded black Who t-shirt picking sleep out of her eyes?) is saying I should try and find a PG-rated passage in Three Days in New York City -- there must be one in there somewhere, right? -- or one from the sequel. We'll see. I have fifteen minutes to read so I'll start fooling around with some things today, time myself, and make the decision based on that.
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Julie also has something interesting in the works but trust me I REALLY know better than to spill that until it happens. Speaking of Julie, the little darling turns twenty on Monday and I'm still in shock over that one. The celebration kicks off on Friday when we have our annual lunch at Le Bec Fin, Philadelphia's five star French restaurant. Wow. I just realized it seems like yesterday that I posted a photo of our lunch there this time last year. Anyway, for those who care, I've already pre-selected my meal. The appetizer will be the "Gambas aux épices et salade de crabe, mousse de pommes et de céleri, émulsion au curry", or to plebs like me, better known as "spiced shrimp and crab salad, apple and celeriac mousse, curry emulsion". My entree, unless they have a spectacular special, will be "Pavé de saumon rôti,topinambour et champignons en feuilles de brick", a/k/a roasted salmon, sunchoke and mushroom in brick dough, rosemary chicken jus. For dessert, they wheel a round a pastry cart and it's an all you can eat affair. Take a look at what's offered. I have threatened to simply ask for one of each. Julie doesn't believe I will have the guts to do it, but this is a prix fixe meal and at $54 a head without wine, tax, or tip, I'm betting on myself.

If only they didn't come around every three seconds with baskets of hot rosemary olive rolls and softened butter...that's going to sabotage everything!

Her celebration continues when boyfriend Matt takes her out to dinner on Saturday night at one of her other favorite spots, Chloe, and then on Monday, her actual birthday, we'll all go out to dinner as a family...hopefully to a restaurant specializing in nothing but healthy salads under 400 calories.
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And have I mentioned Neil Gaiman will be here tomorrow? I've had to swear one hundred times to Eric -- who is going with me to the reading reluctantly though I know he's going to have a great time because Eric is an awesome writer and artist as well as a musician -- that I will do nothing to embarrass either of us. Anyway, if you click on the link, you'll see that he's freaking driving here from Minneapolis! That's a 1,200 mile drive -- I know, because I looked it up. After going on Rock School tours with thirteen hour bus rides, all I can say is better him than me. But truth be told, it's such a hassle to take a plane anymore, I don't blame him. Besides, I read he's got the car of my dreams -- a mini Cooper convertible -- which he probably can't drive right now in icy Minnesota so he's probably looking forward to taking that baby out on the highway since at least here in Philly, we've been having Spring in January. How about last night, by the way? A thunder/lightning storm of truly magnificent proportions!

Anyway, I continue to keep to my promise to limit my online activities to about 1-2 hours a day while I work on my novel in progress...ha ha...my friends from Zoetrope will know why I put that in bold...sorry for the private joke, but I could not resist.

Also, speaking of my Zoetrope pals, I have just been tagged by my good friend Ellen Meister who was tagged by our pal Myfanwy Collins so now I know what I'll be posting tomorrow. This should be a blast. Make sure you check out Myfanwy's answers, too, and follow other links...like this link to the always fascinating Susan Henderson.

Later
xo

Eric Slick in LA - and now he's back -- and I'm torturing him and all of his friends for photos

But this one pretty much says it all:



That's Eric and Katie Jacoby, rock violinist extraordinaire (and thank you Katie and Esther, Katie's mom, for furnishing me with this first group of photos), and Eric's not awake to verify this, but I'm guessing they're at In-N-Out Burger and I wish to register a complaint: Why aren't there any In-N-Out Burgers on the east coast?

Actually, as I look a little closer, that's not In-N-Out Burger...that's...IHOP?

Hang on -- those aren't straws, they're chopsticks. Ah, okay, that's right. Eric told me that Paul took everyone out to dinner at this amazing sushi restaurant called Sushi Ya.

I'm going to put the "Eric With Celebrity" photos toward the bottom of this post so I don't have to shrink them down too much -- all of my links on the right hand side of this blog force me to minimalize my photos and I've never mastered that trick where you can shrink a pic and then click on it and make it bigger. Heh. Everyone please ignore any metaphors crossing your dirty little minds...

Here's a couple of Eric at Radio Station KLOS in LA where he did three songs on the Mark and Brian show. I just have one question. Where did he get those glasses?







Here's a shot of Eric on stage at the Los Angeles Knitting Factory:



Here are a few from the performance with the great Mike Keneally outside the John Lennon Bus (which will be available for you all to watch for free on the Lennon site in a few days and as soon as the link is up, I will post it):












Who wants some Zach Miller? Eric hasn't stopped raving about his keyboard wizardry!

Who wants some Zach Miller, Mike Keneally, and Eric Slick?


Okay, more celebrity photo time:

Here's Eric with Kenny Aronoff.


And Eric with his idol, Vinny Colaiuta, with whom he had a private meeting


Eric also hung out with Joe Satriani and I'm waiting for a kind soul to send me any photos he/she might have of that!

Anyway, I have a ton more photos on my photobucket site, and right now Eric is still sleeping...he'll probably sleep until it's time to leave for work (teaching drums today) at 3:00 p.m....so I'll probably get all the LA stories at different times during the week -- Eric was really fried when he got home last night and basically collapsed into bed. I'll report them as I get them.
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I also have some writing news, but that deserves a separate post later in the week as well. Have I mentioned Neil Gaiman will be in Philadelphia for a reading on Thursday and I'm making Eric go with me? Hahahahaha - someone has to make sure I behave.

Later
xo