Project Object with Eric Slick/Part II

Some more photos of my son sitting in with Project Object.

So I feel like I didn't give the band enough justtice in my rushed post yesterday.

One thing I want to mention, and damn it, I don't have any photos, but another Rock School student, a 15 year old violinist from Downingtown Rock School named Katie, was so fucking fantastic I couldn't believe it. She sat in with the band on King Kong.

Anyway, regarding Project Object, I've already talked about Ike and Napoleon ad nauseum in this blog, so here's a little bit about some of the other members who blew me away. This journal is kept by André Cholmondeley, who plays guitar, vocals, samples with the band:



Hello - I write all this pablum. (Right now - stupidly at 3:32am on a tues morning!). I arrived in this body in February 1965. It's been a struggle, but I try to somehow get it "everything" done in less time than possible.. i'm also in two other projects - spacey experimental percussive/electronic stuff with Jfk's Lsd Ufo we've got a new CD out - ALIEN CONCEPTS - check out our show schedule. In the fall of 2000 - I released a new CD " Spirit, Magnetics and Entropy..." - it's a set of weird-ish, ambient guitar centered music.More 'trapped in the basement' insanity. And blatantly ripped off from Fripp, Eno and Summers.. I'm about to do the second run of CDs ! Check out my site. I also manage and run a natural, mostly organic vegetarian foodstore Second Nature.

And Andre's blurb about their totallly awesome guitarist:

Robbie "seahag" Mangano- guitar, vocals, impossible guitar

I met the hagster thru the wonders of the internet - and soon enough he was sitting in, he has even done Project Object gigs on BASS ! In Ancient Tibet, land of legend - there is a saying --"Keep your eye on the Hag". You can surely email him - treb_c_moon@yahoo.com. Seahag is a constant source of amazement and inspiration to the whole band and all of the lucky fans who see him tear up the most bizarre of musical passages , often the ones never intended for the guitar!! He is also in The Great Atomic power - check them a review of their debut CD on our nifty press page. He is also playing gigs in NYC area with singer/songwriter Esme Montgomery, as well as various transcription and studio work.....

And a note about their killer bass player:

Dave Johnsen - bass, vocals, effects

In the words of Robbie "Seahag" Mangano: "When Rick Bartow decided to leave P/O, I was on a mission to find a bassist who could fill into Bartow's monster shoes. I saw Dave play with his band Wavetaster and noticed he had all the chops he needed to play the fast riffs and runs for P/O. When i asked him to play in the band, he thought i was nuts, actually cause he didn't know any of Frank's tunes. The next month we spent hours and hours rehearsing parts in my living room from hours like 12am to 7am about twice a week. Now he is a superchampion of the bass. Killing Everybody. Hear him shred with his awesome band from Bethlehem, PA The Insidious Rays"

And of course, keyboardist extraordinaire Eric Svalgard :

Born in the Bronx, NY in 1955. Berklee College of Music Alumnus. Eric first saw The Mothers of Invention at the Felt Forum in NYC during the Overnight Sensation tour and then followed Frank and Napoleon and the troupe around the greater metropolitan area for two weeks during the Roxy tour. He was out on the west coast playing with a new wave band in the early eighties called Hoopla, and was the keyboard player for Mudboy, a harmonica heavy blues band in Chester County PA for 3 years. In 2002 he began teaching at the Paul Green School of Rock Music in Philadelphia, working with Paul on the Zappa show. It was through his work there, teaching high school age kids to play Frank’s music, that he met Ike, Napoleon and André. He is currently the Music Director/Manager at the Downingtown branch of The Paul Green School of Rock Music."
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So yeah, when Project Object goes out on tour again this fall, you really need to check them out.
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Got one of the all time great rejections from a magazine I adore yesterday:

"Hope to hear from you again, however, as you are smart and maybe a little nutty, which is just what we like."

As I remarked to my writers' group after receiving it: "At least they got it half right".

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So tomorrow I leave for St. Louis for the RT Book Fair. Oh my god, take a look at this thing. Click on some of the links - Jesus Christ, there are even themed costume balls. Kill me now, please. I'm not even packed; and realize that I'm supposed to spend the next five days in "business casual" (snort) or "fancy dress" (double snort). Fancy dress to me means wearing a black blouse tucked into my jeans instead of a black t-shirt. If my daughter wasn't a size six, I'd ransack her closet because she has all kinds of cool dresses from performing on stage, but at the moment, all I have is one sad looking denim skirt.

And no fucking way is anyone getting me into a costume. Though the kids have some monster masks around the house...but yeah, yeah, I know, why bother with the mask when I have my face?

Arghh....

But hey, I have a new roof. So no terror about getting on a plane tomorrow in the pouring rain. Err...except for the plane trip, that is.
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So as I remarked yesterday, I am now somewhat even more legitimate, with my book being sold on Amazon.com but maybe wait until next week when the print version is available and I can autograph your copy with something dumb and/or obscene, whatever you'd prefer.
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I'll probably swing by for one last post and to say goodbye before I leave at dawn tomorrow...hopefully I will in fact find an internet cafe in St. Louis, but if not you can always amuse yourself by reading the archives.

Oy.

Project Object featuring Eric Slick!

Okay, major proud mother moment here. Last night, my son sat in on drums with Project Object on stage at World Cafe for the final show of their twenty one day tour. For those who don't know, Project Object is a band dedicated to the music of Frank Zappa, and its members include my pals Ike Willis and Napoleon Murphy Brock, both of whom played with Frank and both of with whom I've spent considerable time on the various Rock School tours. Eric has played with Ike and Napoleon separately many times, and did sit in once before with P.O. but I couldn't make it that evening. Anyway, Ike played with Frank in the days of his friendship with John Lennon, and I don't know if I ever talked about it here, but he told me an incredible story about being on stage with Zappa that horrific Monday night in December, 1980 when they got the news that Lennon had been assassinated. (Better than how I heard it - via Howard Cosell while watching Monday Night Football). Poor Napoleon got to spend 17 days in captivity with me during the infamous Rock School tour this summer - he had the seat behind me on the tour bus and we talked some serious music when I wasn't driving him nuts whining. Ha! God, I wish I had last summer back. I would have gone with such a different mindset.

Anyway...

So above is a pic of my son from last night, and as you can see, both Ike and Napi are pretty much loving him.

Eric played Uncle Remus and Peaches and Regalia and he rocked. If you guys ever get the chance to see Project Object in your city, grab tickets! They are such incredible musicians, mixing jazz and rock and funk and they are so radical politically - they did some anti-Bush stuff that I adored and a whole Michael Jackson rant -- it was awesome. They have a young guitarist who blew me away named Seahag. Man, I could listen to him all night. Ike and Napi were in top form, and so was Andre, who handles a lot of the vocals as well.

Eric Svalgard who runs the Downingtown Branch of rock school and is a Berklee grad is their keyboard player at the moment and his daughter, Maddie, a Rock School graduate prominently featured in the movie Rock School and a sophomore at Berklee herself, came down for the show and did back up vocals with Eric on Uncle Remus and sang Zomby Woof. Both Eric Svalgard and his daughter are awesome!

Here's a few more pics:




I'll post some more tomorrow morning -- I'm on the tail end of my lunch hour at work now.

Fair warning: Tomorrow will be the last post here for a few days unless I find an internet cafe in St. Louis. I leave Wednesday morning for a book fair and won't be home until Sunday night. Though knowing me, I will find said cafe (or public library) and will of course log on to rant and rave and maybe even post a pic of me schmoozing with Fabio.

Don't ask.

Couple other things: My book is now available at amazon.com; it's now in print but the print version won't be on Amazon until next week but I'll have my author copies in my hot little hand at the book fair on Wednesday as well as copies for sale there...and my publisher just told me there will be a way to arrange autographed copies. Oh, I'm so special. Ha! (Seriously, people have asked me for autographed copies. It's probably cos' my kids are going to be famous)

And I officially have a new roof. My son just called - the roofers have finished, no more leaks, and a new gorgeous skylight.

Ah...life is good. At least today, anyway.

Happy Friday....

So the above best seller notation now appears on my author page at Phaze Books, which completely freaks me out. Also posted is the cover to the new (unfinished...arghhh) sequel:

So weird - my female character's potential love interest in the sequel is named "Rob". This is only because I based him on a neat character I know in the real world named "Ron". But as I write the scenes now...holy shit...I feel like I'm...err...carrying on with myself. "Oh Rob, oh Rob".

Ha ha. Why does that sound so familiar?

(Kidding, kidding. I can just see my son gagging as he reads this. I can even hear his comment: "Mom, I am never reading your blog again. Ever.")

Eric, I am just joking.

So I got a mention this week in Welcome to the Asylum which is brought to you by Henry Dribble, a very cool guy I met on my internet travels via Somewhat Magazine, who have been kind enough to publish a few of my short stories and will be publishing my latest effort on May 4. They have a most excellent links page, and I clicked on Henry's and you know me, I started up an email dialogue with him a few weeks ago and yesterday he wrote to me to let me know I got a mention. I'm stoked, Henry. Thanks!

For any of you Rock School kids, Henry will post your MP3s on his site. Next up: Eric's band, Flamingo.

By the way, Flamingo does have a gig tonight, but I believe it's a small, private affair so no sense me posting any details.

But I will remind you to go see him and the other Rock School kids perform in Jesus Christ Superstar at BB Kings in NYC tomorrow. You will not be disappointed.

Oh my god, one quick note about Zappanale #16

How in the hell did I miss this?

As I've been spouting off, the Rock School All-Stars will make a return visit to Zappanale, a Woodstock like music festival dedicated to the music of Frank Zappa in Bad Doberan, East Germany this summer. I went with them to Zappanale #14 in the summer of 2003; now Julie has graduated and it's Eric's final All-Star road trip. This summer, for Zappanale #16, their dad is going to go instead and guess what, Rock School is the headliner! So I find an article about that which is written in German and translated, so it's all screwy, but they mention the performance I saw in 2003, which, by the way, is the ending scene in Rock School, the movie...and I'll put in bold what they have to say about my daughter, which just fucking blew me away.

I guess "skirt" is the German translation of "rock"? The Paul Green School of Skirt? Oh my god, that's hilarious. Hey, if anyone reading this knows German, would you please copy and paste this into the comments section and translate it the right way? I'm pretty sure I can figure out most of this...but you know...I'm supposed to be working. I am DYING to know what "ausgeflippt" means since they use it to describe Ms. Julie. Hahaha - they do call her a bass monster. I love that. It's going to be my new nickname for her. That, or "ausgeflippt" if I can figure out how to pronounce it.

"Paul Green School OF skirt
The Kids of acres bake!
2003 were Paul Green School OF skirt the hammer on the Zappanale. 2005 comes the young people with esoterischem Zappa and Pink Floyd.

Zappanale 2003. On the stage Zappas title "A Pound For A Brown" runs. Julie Slick, a pretty girl with magnificent curls maltraetiert their bass in such a manner skillfully that even John "Thunderfingers" Entwistle before pleasures would be ausgeflippt. Lauren pole LOCK at the key boards, cathedral Malandro at the Saxofon and larva line Diaz Svalgard, which screws its voice into unbelievable Sopran heights, are inferior to the bass monster hardly. None of them is older than 17.

But that is everything only plays. Because Mr. C.J. Tywoniak appears now: a 13jaehriges (!!!) spackes baby face, hardly more largely than its flamed guitar. Its long slim finger however whirls so artistically over the griffbrett that the public hearing and seeing pass. Minutes long breathless silence over the Zappanalodrom rests. When Tywoniaks finally set flying fingers for landing, the tension unloads itself of the astonished and completely hingerissenen public in frenetischen Ovationen; Old star such as Mike Keneally and Napoleon Murphy break into lean spontaneously and deeply moved before the young artist.

It is one that magic concert moments, on which franc Zappa of the sky smiles and a charm blows by the spectator rows. Moments, which are not predictable, which one can plan nor reproduce neither. Moments in addition, which burn themselves indelibly into the memory and are nostalgically clarified called up whenever alleged superlative as laue Lueftchen verpuffen or the Protagonisten fails because of high repetition expectations.

For the unbekuemmerten and passionate Kids of Paul Green School OF skirt from Philadelphia stands to however hardly fear that they must defend them now because of the measuring pole put extremely highly by them to fail, because nevertheless their call. For their appearance at the Zappanale Friday (05,08.) they selected themselves in addition the "esoterischen Zappa"; on Saturday (06,08.) go they strangely with selected pieces from Pink Floyd.

1998. That 24jaehrige ex Grunge Rocker and classical period fan Paul Green finances itself at that time its philosophy study at the University OF Pennsilvania with guitar instruction and loads regularly pupils in to jammen on evenings and weekends with it. When it notices, how quickly they learn and to improve, he arranges himself first appearances in local coffee Bars and with exhibition openings. And: It scratches 7000 dollar together, around a correct skirt school to opening with sample areas, with genuine equipment, with good instruments.

Two goals are the center of attention for Green thereby: The Kids on the one hand to be helpful to develop and them secondly the chance give its enormous musical potential as far as possible, so often goes on a stage before public playing. The best way there is called for Green: Practice, practice and again practice: From the first day on correctly to the thing, plays each pupil live is, loud and always together with others.

Stubborn direction thinking is verpoent. Who wants to go through in Green, must be open for all currents of the skirt music. And in such a way zeppelin, Black Sabbath, The Who, Pink Floyd or Journey stands likewise trips in the musical universe of franc Zappa (Greens favorite), for the kind skirt cosmos of Yes or into the world of the Punk on the curriculum beside skirt classical authors such as LED.

Who the long, intensive and hard learning phase projects, in the water is finally thrown and in correct skirt concerts on a correct skirt public released. With Lichtshow, nebula machines and all different one that belongs to. In the meantime Greens gave, partly pupils over 350 of such concerts before more than 100,000 spectators in famous skirt arenas and on various music festival. Highly gifted Teens such as Julie Slick or C.J. Tywoniak is in the meantime star.

The response of the 14. Zappanale 2003 was enormous by the way for the School OF skirt in the USA like a clap of thunder. Considerably released by their sensational success in bath Doberan boomt Greens enterprise in the meantime country-wide. From once 18 pupils today 160 became, from the School OF skirt Urzelle in Philadelphia sieves folders issued, among other things in New York town center, San Francisco and Salt Lake town center.

Parallel to the Paramount film "School OF skirt" with Komiker Jack Black in the main role are not by the way by any means coincidental, although expressed involuntary. 2002 turned the transmitter Vh-1 a report in the school. This however was never sent. But later the film came into the cinemas; like Paramount Pictures belongs to front spar 1 to the Viacom Imperium. "Does Black plays Green?", even if the local press inquired interested - the answer is "", one believes Greens pupils from at that time. A Schelm, which thinks bad thereby. Paul Green anyhow feels today - probably not too wrongly - bounced around some Credits until.

Oh yeah....Jon Anderson!

Okay, since it's on his website and I cleared it with Paul, I'm allowed to blab the following:

When I go to Hollywood next month for what will be a private screening of Rock School and a private party afterwards, my kids will be performing Heart of the Sunrise with Jon Anderson doing the vocals.

As Paul remarked to me, "Good thing you are close with the band, eh?"

I'll say.

You have no idea how excited I am. Ever since I first found out, I've been flying.
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In other news, and I know no one gives a shit but I'm gonna say it anyway, I heard from the roofer yesterday and my "disaster" is only going to cost $1,600 which includes a brand new skylight. So all I have to do is get through one more weekend of 10 buckets in my bedroom (sigh...horrible rain predicted...anyone want to invite me to spend Saturday and Sunday at their place?) but on Monday, a new roof at last.
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I have other stuff to say but I'm at work and feeling guilty for slacking so I should really sign off and at least pretend to be a valuable member of society. My home computer caught a terrible virus late last night which would only let me sign on to AOL when I woke up today; I couldn't open Netscape or Internet Explorer nor could I do anything on AOL like retrieve my email...grrrr...and while my son is fixing it now, I couldn't do the usual early morning post. Crap. I have all kinds of stuff to talk about - everything from my new book, Another Bite of the Apple, which is the sequel to Three Days in New York City, and the cover for which is already on my publisher's website even though I haven't finished writing it -- to a movie I watched last night.

More later...

News, blues, etc.

Here's what Alice Cooper had to say about performing with the Rock School All-Stars on the Sony Music Forum Board

"ALICE COOPER, BILLY IDOL & OTHERS RECAST HITS FOR 'ROCK SCHOOL' SOUNDTRACK

Alice Cooper, Billy Idol, and members of Heart, Deep Purple, and Yes join forces with aspiring rock-and-rollers for the soundtrack to the upcoming documentary Rock School. The film, which is due out early this summer, traces the success of Paul Green's School Of Rock Music, which was founded in Philadelphia in 1999 and inspired the Jack Black movie School Of Rock. The Rock School soundtrack, which will be released on May 31st, teams established stars with Green's students for versions of their hits. Green's corps also perform three songs by themselves.

Cooper recorded his hit "School's Out" with the kids, and he told us that they blew him away: "When I got there, they were playing (King Crimson's) '21st Century Schizoid Man' -- and they were 12! My band can't play '21st Century Schizoid Man'! (laughs) So they're all little geniuses, and great kids, too."

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Err...the kids aren't 12 years old, I'd say the median age is 16, but yeah, Alice baby, you're right - they are geniuses. And they were taught by a genius, too.
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So my son has the kind of weekend coming up for which he lives.
Friday night: He has a gig with his band Flamingo down in Old City;
Saturday afternoon: He has a gig at BB King's in NYC with kids from the Paul Green School of Rock doing an encore performance of Jesus Christ Superstar. Hey, if you are in the New York area, you've got to catch this show. I was its staunchest big mouth objector - I hated the idea of the show, the music, the premise...and then I go to see it and my jaw fucking dropped to the ground. This production is better than anything you'll ever see on Broadway or even at a usual rock concert. Trust me on this. The show starts at 12:30 p.m. and BB Kings is right on 42nd Street.
Sunday: He gets to hang out with his old pals Napoleon Murphy Brock and Ike Willis when they perform with Project Object at the World Cafe Live at 8:30 p.m. Last time Project Object played Philly, Eric joined them on a song and got a warm introduction from Ike and Napi...so who knows...it could happen again...I dunno, it's enough to make me leave my house to go check out in any event.
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So how lucky am I. Newmarket Films together with Paul Green are sponsoring a little west coast mini tour in support of the movie's premier and I get to go to Los Angeles from May 23-25 to see a private screening and then watch a performance by the kids. This isn't just any performance. It reunites Rock School graduates Louie Graff and Teddi Tarnoff and Julie Slick with Rock School All-Stars Eric Slick, C.J. Tywoniak, Madison Flego, Larry Allen, and Dom Milandro. Since these are the kids in the movie, it's awesome that they are getting together one final time (heh...I don't believe that for one minute...but that could be my wishful thinking) to blow out the L.A. crowd. I can't wait! There's a lot more I could say about this trip such as give some awesome, exciting details but I'm going to wait until it's closer to May 23 because I don't want to jinx anything.
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In other news, I leave next Wednesday for the RT Convention in St. Louis. I wish I could say this excited me but I'm more scared than anything. On the plus side, my book should finally be in print and I'll have something to autograph as opposed to an ebook on a computer screen; on the minus side, I'm not a romance writer and am not exactly gregarious when in situations where I'm socially uncomfortable. Okay, I'm always socially uncomfortable, but I can hide it with vast quantities of alcohol. However, this would probably not be a good idea (getting drunk) under the circumstances. Oy. It also means I miss the New England mini-tour with the Rock School All-Stars...Baltimore, MD April 29, Boston April 30, and Burlington, Vermont May 1. But the Newmarket Films event in Los Angeles in late May should more than make up for that, huh.
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Finally, yeah, yeah, I have the blues. Spring fever, and my house needs all of these repairs for which I have neither the time nor inclination. Not to mention the fact that I'm terrified of what I'm going to find out...like, yesterday I heard from a roofer that my roof "is a disaster". I'm still waiting for him to call me back with the estimate. It's not the money that bothers me -- I just don't want to have to deal with mundane every day shit....all I want to do is write all day, go see great live music at night, and continually stuff my face with awesome food and alcohol. In other words, I want to be a child, not an adult. Though there are some people who probably are of the opinion I act like a child and should grow up already, but well, who the fuck cares what they think.

Rock School soundtrack update!

Rock School All-Stars performing Black Magic Woman in Las Vegas, Nevada - August, 2004

Okay, it's all straightened out as far as the official soundtrack songs and order. Click here and you'll see Calvin Records has updated their site accordingly. No Zomby Woof, yes to LA Woman and Don't Stand So Close (which will make my daughter happy because she plays that with Stewart Copeland and said those polyrhythms were hard!). The order of the tracks, in my humble opinion, is a lot better than the way the site had it listed yesterday, too. Having been on the road with these guys for close to three weeks, they almost always started their classic rock sets with Black Magic Woman, so it's good to see that listed as Track #1.

I'm gonna cry every time I hear it.

Rock School Soundtrack On Line!

How exciting is this! Here's the official website for the Rock School soundtrack, where you can hear the first single, School's Out featuring Alice Cooper and the Rock School All-Stars -- my daughter Julie on bass and Allie Hautpman on keyboards; Jeremy Blessing and Cameron Sima on guitars, and Joey Randazzo on drums. I believe Teddi Tarnoff and Dom Milandro are singing back-up and even Julie sings at the end with all the other Rock School kids.

So that's awesome! 1:14 a.m. and I can't sleep and this is what I find on my travels through cyberspace. Ask me how many times I've watched the trailer and listened to this cut within the past half hour! And how kind of them to link said trailer on their site as well. Now. If they'll only list the creds of the Rock School All-Stars who appear on each cut.

I do know the songs my kids are on. Both Julie and Eric play with Ann Wilson on Barracuda and with Jon Anderson on Heart of the Sunrise; Julie plays bass on School's Out, Peace Sells with Dave Mustaine, and (maybe?) Don't Stand So Close with Stewart Copeland; Eric plays drums on Black Magic Woman with Greg Rollie, who was Carlos Santana's original vocalist on the song; he plays on Rebel Yell with Billy Idol and (maybe?) on LA Woman with Dom Milandro on vocals and you won't believe this kid - he's 16 and sounds just like Morrison.

But to my knowledge, the track listing as they have it on the website is the different than the one being advertised everywhere else. Zomby Woof, which I hear is a killer version performed by Teddi on vocals and my son on drums, was supposedly nixed by Gail Zappa, Frank's rather interesting widow and I thought that song has been replaced by Don't Stand So Close To Me. I notice they also don't list LA Woman so I'm not sure what the deal is with that, either.

If anyone from Rock School reads this and knows the answer, please click on the comments section of this post and let me know!
Okay, going back for another listen! Never let it be said that I'm not music obsessed and kid proud...

I was afraid of this Part II - Holy Crap!

My god, even Rolling Stone Magazine got it wrong. Do journalists not fact check anymore?

"KISS' GENE SIMMONS will star in a six-episode reality show, Rock School, inspired by the movie School of Rock. The show will debut on VH1 this summer. The soundtrack -- featuring the School of Rock students performing with BILLY IDOL, ALICE COOPER, HEART'S ANN WILSON and others -- hits stores May 31st."

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Okay, when Rolling Stone fucks up and how many millions of people are going to read/think this, it's time to take action!

Now. What the hell should I do?
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So my face hurts like hell this morning. And now I'm remembering, two years ago I had a similar incident when some dork was practicing tai chi or however it's spelled in Love Park and swung his arm out and knocked my sunglasses off as I unwittingly came up from behind.

And this is the woman who thought about moving to New York City?

Ha.

I'm going with the cabin in the woods.
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Anyway, I have a bad case of spring fever. The cherry blossom trees are all in bloom, lovers are everywhere, and I'm fucking miserable. I guess sad is the word. I like being alone - I'm not a people lover -- and yet...

I dunno. If I see one more gorgeous, young couple kiss today I think I'm gonna have my third cry of the week.

Or at least have a chocolate covered pretzel.

I was afraid of this...

From today's Times Dispatch:

"Coming to VH1 this summer is a six-episode reality show, "Rock School," inspired by the Jack Black movie, "School of Rock". The soundtrack lands May 31 and features the students from the show performing with Billy Idol, Alice Cooper and Ann Wilson of Heart"

D'oh. The six episode reality show is a VH1 series for fuckwits starring Gene Simmons. Rock School the documentary -- yes, yes, the original school ripped off by the Jack Black movie School of Rock -- is premiering in June and the soundtrack for THAT is what will be released at the end of May.

Sigh.

So this has not been the best week for me. Over the weekend, my water bed exploded and it was finally the end of an era. I've slept on one since my early twenties and hate traditional mattresses. I'm always miserable in hotels. Okay, not that miserable, but still.

Anyway, this is like the third time in ten years this has happened, even though the mattresses supposedly have 25 year warranties. This particular mattress wasn't even three years old, and when I went to change the sheets, I stuck my hand in three inches of water and wanted to cry. It is the worst fucking mess you can imagine...thousands of gallons of water streaming and there's not a thing I could do about it other than run back and forth to the bathroom with buckets. But going back to my original statement about the warranties, I started thinking that it's not the bed; it's the water. There must be so much acid rain...so many chemicals in Philadelphia water...that it causes the waterbed mattress to simply rot away. Cos' that's what happened to me. My hand literally went through the rubber.

Soo...after spending the entire day cleaning and crying, I decided that was it. I had to buy a regular mattress and at least pretend to be a normal woman.

Ahem. I had no idea what that entailed.

Mattress salespeople are worse than used car salesmen and hmm..I'd even put them up there with insurance guys. It was a nightmare, especially for me, because I hate to shop unless it's for something like a cool piece of artwork.

Okay, I won't bore anyone with the details, but yeah, yeah, I ended up buying one; somehow shlepped it up the steps which was another adventure from hell (it's queen sized and I have really narrow stairs)and much to my shock, had the best night sleep I've had in years. I bought what's called a pillow top...oh my god, I never want to leave it in the morning.

So that was the weekend.

Then some other shit happened at work; I won't bore anyone with that, just the usual stuff where I sit in my chair and contemplate jumping out a window or at least flashing my tits at the stockbrokers in the office opposite us because they look so fucking uptight and Republican...but walking home tonight, well, that was the best. I was behind an elderly woman with a cane, and she was kind of weaving back and forth so I couldn't pass her. We were approaching the traffic light at the intersection of 19th and the Parkway and I thought Oh great, I'll cross over to the other side and get the fuck away from her. But before I could do that, for some ungodly reason, she raised her cane up and I was right behind her and she smacked me right in the face. It was a total accident, she didn't even know I was there...I think she either thought a car was going to hit her or something shocked her and she raised her arm and well, there was my face.

I was so stunned...for a minute I thought I was going to fall down because she whacked me really hard. Meanwhile, a crowd suddenly appears out of nowhere, and I was totally mortified and yep, for the second time this week, cried.

But I'm okay...it was just embarrassing and hurt for a few minutes and the lady kept apologizing and asking me if I was okay and she was really old and I felt terrible and oh my god, I think I'm gonna go have a beer now and try and forget about it.

And with the beer, I think I'm gonna finally watch those Rock School DVDs Dave Neidorf was awesome enough to send me. Yo, he sent me the spring preview concert filmed by MTV at the TLA last year. I can't wait. So beer and a DVD or two it is.

After which I will collapse happily in my new bed.