Stinkfest 2005

Here's a digital pic of the police dusting the office for the intruder who pooped at my desk:

Holy crap! (and I mean that literally)

So today I have jury duty. I'm terrified because while this has happened before and they've never picked me due to my clearly prejudicial views (i.e., working in a lawfirm for over two decades), I could still be sequestered in a murder trial (since I've never done any criminal work, only civil) and this just can't happen. It's my daughter's birthday and my son is opening for Tony Levin tomorrow night. So with my stupid luck...oh god...I don't even want to think about it. I just wish I could bring my laptop with me but they won't even let us bring cell phones.

But that's not all. Let me take you back to last night.

I was sitting at my computer, kicking back with a few drinks, talking writing with my best cyber pal as is our custom every Wednesday night. The telephone rings, and I don't even look at the caller I.D. because I'm so mellow and so into my conversation with my friend.

"Hello, Robin?"

"Yeah?"

"This is your boss."

Uh-oh. Immediate paranoia. I see by my AOL buddy list he's still in the office on line. What didn't I do? What did I forget? Am I fired? What?

"Hi, Craig. What's up?" (it came out as a squeak. Plus I was a little drunk and you know how it is when you know you're high and you try to act normal? Arghhh....)

"I know you have jury duty tomorrow and won't be in, but um, you'd better bring some cleaner with you on Friday."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, the police were just here. They've dusted your phone for fingerprints. Someone took a crap near your desk and then sat in your chair and started making telephone calls."

"What??? What the hell....what do you mean?" Okay, I started rambling because basically, when he told me the police dusted my phone for fingerprints, my brain immediately started blocking everything else out and in my inebriated state, wondered if I was in trouble for something horrific but of course sober today, like, what the fuck could that have been anyway.

"Well, I stayed late tonight to do some work, and I heard the front door to the office open. This guy comes in, he looks like a street person, and he starts going in all of the offices in the suite. I came out and asked him what he was doing here. He smelled absolutely horrible, but he had a box with him and he immediately started picking up papers and said he was maintenance. He then asked if he could come in my office."

"Oh my god, Craig. Were you scared to death?"

"Yeah, I was scared. But he didn't threaten me, he pretended to be doing work but I was watching him. But the smell got worse - I could smell shit."

"And then?"

"Then I look out of my office and I see he's sitting in your chair, making phone calls, rifling through things on your desk. I called the police and he ran out the door. I called downstairs to the lobby and had the doorman hold him. He told the doorman, 'You can't hold me, all I did was take a shit in the office' and he smelled so bad he twisted away and ran. Apparently he'd already stolen something else from other offices in the building, too - he had a laptop."

"Wait...he took a shit at my desk, no toilet paper, and sat in my chair?"

"Yep."

"And he used my phone?"

"Yep."

"Oh my god!"

"So when the police came, they dusted your whole area for prints. You're really going to want to bring in some Lysol or something Friday."

Err..Craig...you're really going to have to buy me a new chair, desk and phone, dude.

No, seriously, how can I sit there on Friday? Hopefully they will have the cleaning service in the building come up today -- I mean, really, how can an office full of people work with that stench -- and it'll all be gone when I come back. Which hopefully will be Friday and I won't be holed up with eleven other jurors in some heinous murder trial for two weeks.

But why my desk? Jesus Christ, there are ten other desks in that suite. Couldn't he have sat somewhere else? (kidding, kidding...this is really terrible and I shouldn't joke)

Or, um, couldn't our building have better security? (That is no joke -- this isn't the first break-in we've had)

Craig must have been so totally frightened there all alone at night with this character. Thank god he wasn't dangerous, just crazy. The intruder, I mean. Ha.

Oh well. In two hours I have to report for jury duty. To further help my chances of not getting selected, I'll be wearing my John Lennon Revolution t-shirt and ripped jeans.

I so, so, so do not want to do this, but under the circumstances, I'm kind of glad I don't have to be at the office first thing today. At least not before the cleaning people get there.

Anyway, I guess more news from Sundance and the music world later tonight.

Assuming I don't get sequestered.

Oh god.

Hahaha - I told you so...Dave Mustaine Part II

So here's Megadeath's Dave Mustaine's post in his forum about recording with my kids. Remember when he originally posted "don't be too critical, they're just kids"?

Hahahahaha - have a read as to what he says now. I told you so!

***************

Droogies!

Well, today was very interesting indeed. I was approached to sing over a cover version of "Peace Sells" for a movie/soundtrack. This version was done by young kids from the "Real" School of Rock, the story that Jack Black based his hilarious comedy film on.

Things got interesting when I got to the studio and Lance said that the producers never sent the drives with all of the tracks on it. Uh, whoops?!?

So, hours are grumbling by, and we finally get the track downloaded off of the internet, but naturally it is not in the correct format. Now, a great deal of time later we finally start working and things are clicking. I only had to make a slight adjustment to the arrangement, but excluding that, THESE KIDS WERE TERRIFIC!

Thank God for that, because from the moment I walked back into Phase Four, I absolutely hated it. It seems that the owner has built a patio over the parking lot, got a liqour license, and now runs a very public bar over what SHOULD be a very private studio.

I asked him (the owner) about having the place locked out (which means I am the only one there - that's how I like to work) because I heard a lot of people talking and he said, "I specifically said there was a bar now, and no one was to come down these steps, blah, blah, blah, biddy-boop a lop, an a jizz jazz a razz." I guess you can see I turned off my ears while he was playing hot shot telling me about his "bar" meanwhile a wanker bartender comes down the steps right after his sermon.

I had hoped to have time to go see Mike Learn, Mike Ferguson – the fabricator making the new drum rack (so we can get rid of the one Nick played), and get my ears lowered, but the day was completely shot. I did however see Ralph Patlan and we talked about a lot of cool stuff coming up. I wish you all could meet this dude; he is awesome!

Anyway, "Peace Sells" has now been officially sung by me with the "School of Rock" kids and will be hopefully in yer sweaty mitts sometime soon. If not for the awesome version that these kids did, then just for the fact that they are little guys playing Megadeth.

Thanks to my dear friend Bob Chipardi for the tremendous opportunity to get outside of the box and do something that I would not normally do. And thanks to the kids and the "School of Rock" for even thinking about me. I look forward to meeting you all personally soon!
************************

So that's the latest from Dave. Ha! And err...these aren't "little kids", the average age is 17, but okay, whatever. In other news, in case you've missed my other billboards posted all over the web, the soundtrack comes out April 12.

And Eric will be playing with the Rock School All-Stars down in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on February 19 at the Broward Center. I don't think I can make it but if anyone reading this is in the area and wants to attend, drop me an email. There is also talk of an east coast tour the week before the All-Stars go to Germany August 4-7 which would be NYC, Baltimore, Washington, D.C., etc. and as soon as I get more news in that regard, trust me, I'll post it here.

Rock School at Sundance - Part II

(Daughter Julie on bass and CJ on guitar on stage in Germany at the finale of the movie)

Oh yeah! The great reviews from the Sundance Film Festival for Rock School keep rolling in. This one just posted today at "Ain't It Cool News"

Rock School (5 out of 5)

Wow. This is one hell of a documentary.

Anyone that has seen School of Rock, meet Paul Green – the real Jack Black. Paul is a teacher of 120 students; all kids under the age of 17 who want to learn how to play rock. Not some pansy 311, Sheryl Crow, shitty punk band music as they will all tell you – real rock and roll. They’ll start off learning some Black Sabbath, work up a bit to some more advanced Van Halen and AC/DC with some serious solos, and end playing some of the top of the line Frank Zappa where the best of the school hope to go on to Germany to play at a 5 day Zappa fest. You might not be a fan of some of the music, but I dare anyone to see these kids and tell me they aren’t impressed.

Paul and the kids are all a perfect choice for any documentary. Any parent that would want their kids to learn how to play the guitar or drums would likely never send their kids to Paul’s school – as he’s more of an in-your-face coach dropping the F bomb every other word and screaming his lungs out at any kid that argues with him. But he’s also hysterical. You question if he’s just putting on a show in front of the cameras or he’s always like this, but his comments and remarks fly out at a Robin Williams pace and you’ll simply be shocked by half of what he says. Even if he comes off as a complete asshole half the time, you can see that he is just a kid at heart and I found it very hard not to like him – even if I would never agree with half of his teaching methods.

Out of all the kids, the one that will likely stand out the most is CJ. This kid is destined for fame, fortune, and Playboy models – he is single handedly one of the best guitar players you could imagine seeing and he’s only around 12 years old. His fingers fly up and down the guitar and he could carry a 10 minute solo with every single member of an audience with their jaw on the floor. Simply amazing.

The documentary has an excellent structure as it shows us the starting point for some of these kids and the all-stars that head off to Germany. As a filmmaker, you couldn’t be luckier to see this story unfold in front of your camera as it would be such a remarkable story for Hollywood that they likely wouldn’t believe it. Sure, these are just kids playing rock and roll – but what we see look like little prodigies kicking their feet through the doors and sticking it to the man better than anyone could imagine. A number of kids grow up and want to become rock stars, but none of them would ever expect to be this good and be able to handle the caliber of music as the ones featured here.

Simply put, Rock School is the Super Size Me of this years Sundance. It’s a simple story told wonderfully and could not have been executed better.

Rock School at Sundance!

So since I know Rock School is currently being shown at the Sundance Film Festival, I've been trawling Google for articles. I found a good one which I've pasted below!

Oh, and by the way, the above is the official poster for the movie, and if you squint real hard, you can see my son, Eric, and I do believe daughter Julie is in there somewhere as well but this computer monitor sucks and I can't see it. Hahaha - of course that's both Julie and Eric to whom the reporter refers when he says "immensely talented kids"...as well as the other Rock School All-Stars of course.

And for the record, the Jack Black film totally ripped off Paul and his Rock School, but that'll all come out when the movie premiers in April. And guess what? There is going to be a big Philadelphia premier! I don't live in fantasy world after all!

ROCK SCHOOL
I see this has already been reported on, so I'll say that I agree with everything the reviewer, Castor, stated on this one. This is one of those wildly entertaining documentaries, easy to watch with plenty of laughs and engaging characters.
I?m sure the filmmakers wanted to name this School of Rock? (It IS about the Paul Green School of Rock, whose website is www.schoolofrock.com) but of course there was the Jack Black film that stole the title and even the concept. I got the impression during the Q&A that the filmmakers were more than a little annoyed about that, but I personally think it will only help the film since people are now acquainted with the idea of rock-n-roll instruction for kids; the marketing campaign will practically write itself.
One of the biggest challenges for the filmmakers was getting the rights to use the rock songs in the movie. As it turned out, Eddie Van Halen was a real jerk and wouldn't let them use a smokin riff that CJ (the prolific 12-year-old guitarist) performed while, at the other end of the spectrum, Black Sabbath was awesome and gave them free reign on their whole discography. In the end, song accessibility helped shaped the direction the movie took and, I think, made it a lot more interesting by not having the most obvious bands or songs highlighted (ie AC-DC, Aerosmith). I'd never heard a Frank Zappa song in my life, but the concert in Germany was a huge highlight of the film. These kids are immensely talented and it will be very interesting to see what happens to them after they get out into the real world.
There are plans to open more Rock Schools nationwide: right now there are a cluster of them in Pennsylvania/New Jersey, one in San Francisco, and a branch will be opening next month here in Salt Lake City, of all places!

Gustavo Schmidt

Wow. This guy is incredible. I stumbled upon him while reading a great lit 'zine, Failbetter, which is featuring his art in their current issue. Anyway, here's a link to more of his work:

Gustavo Schmidt

Ooh ooh, one quick note....

I'm Mistress of the List this week at Phaze Books, meaning, you can chat with me all week via the Yahoo Phaze Group discussion board. Please follow the link and feel free to ask me anything...hahahaha..within reason, that is.

Hmm..I just realized that by following the above link, you still need to register for Yahoo Groups if you aren't already a member. Here's the link to Phaze Books. Scroll down and you'll see the Phaze Discussion List link. (There are two links, one is Phaze Announcements, the other is the Discussion List which is where you'll find me this week). We do not kill you with 100 emails a day but if you join and don't want to receive emails with all of our posts, you're given the option at Yahoo to just be able to view the message board so I suggest you handle it that way if you don't want to hear from us all via your mailbox.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yay!

Well, what can I say? THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!

This week is just too exciting for me. A foot of snow over the weekend, the Eagles in the Super Bowl, Friday brings Julie's annual birthday lunch at Le Bec Fin, a five star French restaurant (more on that later in the week) and of course as previously posted, Friday night Eric's got the big gig opening for Tony Levin and the California Guitar Trio.

Only bummer is Thursday I have jury duty. How that happens I have no idea. I've worked in a lawfirm for over two decades and doh, do you think I'm prejudiced and would not be a fair juror? Err...duh. First of all, I know probably 90% of all attorneys in Philadelphia. Secondly, if I was assigned a personal injury case, of course I'm going to be in full favor of the Plaintiff since I've been a Plaintiff's paralegal all of these years; if I'm assigned a criminal case, well, everyone knows I'm a bleeding heart liberal...in any event, they of course never pick me but they won't let me leave, either; I have to sit there all day, bored to tears, after which they hand me an $11.00 check for my time. The worst is first thing in the morning when we get all these forms to fill out to determine our eligibility and to allegedly "learn a little" about us. Half the people assigned along with me will be illiterate so they make us watch a step by step film on how to properly fill out the form.

(1) Put your name on line one.
(2) Put your address on line two.

And this goes on for 100 questions. By the time they get to #15 I'm ready to start screaming and banging my head repeatedly on the desk.

But I do like when they get to the meatier questions: Do you have any religious reasons which would keep you from serving?

Yeah, if I swear on a Bible it means nothing because I'm an agnostic.

Heh...how about radical political beliefs?

Why, yes. I'd like to see every Republican boiled in acid.

Oh well, screw it. THE EAGLES ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL.

Oh, one more funny story about that. Remember last week, I made fun of all those stupid rubber band bracelets people are wearing - red ones for Republicans, blue ones for Democrats, yellow ones to support Lance Armstrong's foundation?

Ugh. I'm wearing a green Eagles one. Okay, the money went to charity a la Lance Armstrong. My whole family is sporting them, even Eric and my "son in law", Matt. And now we have to wear them for the next two weeks, until the Super Bowl.

Oh god. I'm such a fucking dork.

Please join me tonight!

I will be chatting tonight, along with my other partners in crime at Phaze Books, at The Romance Studio from 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. eastern.

C'mon. You know you can't resist hanging out with me for an hour. And you know you're dying to buy and read my book, right? I'll even autograph it...buy you chocolate...you name it.

I'm on my knees here...does that help?

Today's news...

That's Tony Levin, formerly of YES and King Crimson, and the California Guitar Trio, featuring Pat Mastelotto also of King Crimson.

In case you're not a complete music nut/historian like I am, here's a link to all of the bands with whom Tony Levin has played/recorded.

So why am I posting this?

BECAUSE MY SON ERIC IS OPENING FOR HIM AND THE GUITAR TRIO NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT!

Oh god, I'm so freaked out. And there's a Meet and Greet the Band party before the concert so be prepared for a ton of personal Slick photos shortly thereafter. Eric will be playing three King Crimson songs in tribute: 21st Century Schizoid Man, Indiscipline, and Elephant Talk. With Eric will be Louie, my adopted son(YAY), Julia, CJ, and Kenny Liu (all from The Tour) on guitars and my daughter's boyfriend Matt will be on bass...how cool is that. Eric is constantly compared to Bill Bruford on drums, when he's not being compared to Ginger Baker and Keith Moon that is. Of course he's got the whole jazz thing going on as well, which is what makes him stand out from the crowd. For those who don't know, Bill Bruford is the former drummer of King Crimson and YES.

What's really wild is that I found out via Google that Tony Levin keeps a daily blog on his tour experiences, and if I read about my son next week I may be impossible to live with. Okay, I'm already impossible to live with...I just mean the whole motherly bragging thing may get a little obnoxious and out of hand, but oh well, too fucking bad.

As for daughter Julie, while she won't be playing bass on this gig, she'll be recording it. (Well, her brother, not Tony Levin. Somehow I don't think that will be allowed). Her career as recording engineer is really taking off though of course she's still actively pursuing her band as well and things are really coming together in that regard...more on that later. I'm hoping to be able to post some MP3s in the near future.

In other news -- we're expecting up to fifteen inches of snow today in Philadelphia. That just doesn't happen here. Between the news of Eric's concert next week and the snow, I may die of excitement.

And of course there's the Tall Poppy cocktail party going on all weekend. Tonight I shall attend as the Ice Queen. (yeah right...hahahahaha - as if. More like the naked, intoxicated snow woman...hmmm...now that's an idea. Maybe later today I'll go out and build me some interesting snow people and freak out the yuppies on the block)

And as if this isn't enough, tomorrow is the NFC Championship game with the Philadelphia Eagles having a bona fide chance to make it into the Super Bowl. Wait... no more talk about that. Don't want to jinx them.

Ahhhhh....life is good.