I went to bed a Robin and woke up a Poppy....

So apparently, the Aussie word for a "high achieving woman" is a Tall Poppy and my nomination as Best New Blog of 2004 has qualified me for a membership in their club and attendance at a huge gala affair as evidenced by the post in the comments section in my TUMS and Vodka rant below.

Hahahaha - I knew I was high, but high achieving? Well, okay, I'm willing to play make believe. Anyone who really knows me is well aware I live in fantasy world, so this is a perfect fit. I've given myself the rather uninspired name of "writer poppy" which hopefully will appear on their site later. Update: I've just asked them to change it to "psychotic writer poppy".

But oh dear, it appears I will need both formal attire and a date with whom to stroll down the red carpet. This is going to take some thought. I mean, obviously I will wear something black and clingy with a plunging neckline, but who do I want on my arm? I mean, should it be someone I actually know or since this is cyberdreamworld, can it be like, JD Salinger? (Though if you've read author Joyce Maynard's autobiography, he's not a great lover so forget it!) Can I bring back someone from the dead like, say, John Lennon or George Harrison? Hmmm...anyway, so you don't think I've totally lost my mind, here's the link: Tall Poppy Diaries

Grasping for TUMS, vodka....anything to ease the pain

Yes, cowboy boots with the Presidential seal.

This is what Dubya will be wearing with his tuxedo at his inauguration festivities.

The hell with TUMS and vodka, it's too late. Pass me the puke bucket please.

The only good news is, he's got the lowest approval rating of any President about to be sworn in.

THEN HOW THE HELL DID HE GET RE-ELECTED?

Can you say...theft? Fraud? Brother Jeb in Florida? Brainwashed trailer park mentality in the US of A? The filthy rich I don't give a shit about anything but myself and my money part of the population? Or the poor, elderly Americans he scared into voting for him because only He (ha) can protect us against the terrorists...said elderly who will soon see their Social Security and Medicare benefits cut despite his empty campaign promises to the contrary.

Oh, and I read the list of entertainers performing at these heinous inaugural events. Of course Ted Nugent, whom I already hated for his music (pardon me, that's not music, what was I thinking), pro-hunting stance and his right wing political views, will be on stage along with ZZ Top. I used to like ZZ Top. Somewhat, anyway, at least their early albums. Well, add them to my list of FUCKWITS TO WHOM I WILL NEVER LISTEN AGAIN.

Okay, it's been years since I listened to anything by ZZ Top but this seals the deal.

Lyle Lovett will also be performing but he's such a non-entity to me I wasn't even going to mention it. But I read his former wife, the brainless "look at my smile I practiced it in front of the mirror for thirty years and it's all I know how to do in every movie I'm in" Julia Roberts, is close friends with Donald Rumsfield and just bought some real estate from him - apparently they're neighbors on adjoining ranches.

Yee-haw, I'm just so fucking proud to be an American.

Gag.

REMINDER: TODAY IS BLACK THURSDAY. PLEASE SEE MY POST BELOW (OR TWO POSTS BELOW, WHATEVER) AND AT LEAST TRY TO PARTIALLY COMPLY IN PROTEST! AT THE VERY LEAST, WRITE TO YOUR CONGRESSMEN!

Armageddon

Today's headlines courtesy of Yahoo and Netscape news:

(1)High Court Asked to Overturn Roe v Wade.

I can't even talk about this right now but trust me, I will at a later date.

Next headline on Netscape earlier today....
(2) Who Cares about the President at his Inauguration, See what Jenna and Barbara will be Wearing!

Err..I'm more interested in what they will be drinking and snorting. Oh please oh please let them disobey Daddy and misbehave. I can just see that smarmy smirk. "Well, they're chips off the old block, what can I say?"

And finally...courtesy of AP News, Netscape, Yahoo, Reuters, you name it:
(3) F-bomb explodes at inauguration bash.

Regarding #3, maybe you were as excited as I was when you first read it...thinking...what, a security breach...did someone attack a Republican? But nooo...scandal has erupted in Washington after Brett Scallions, lead singer for the otherwise dull modern rock band Fuel, dared to swear during an inaugural celebration hosted by first daughters Jenna and Barbara Bush (a pair who surely never use foul language) last night (January 18). During Fuel's set, Scallion, obviously overcome with excitement, yelped "Welcome to the greatest fucking country in the world!"

Gee, I'm sure sad I missed that concert. Also on the bill was Hillary Duff.

"Luckily, the President, who is apparently far too fragile to withstand off-colour language, was not yet in the building when Fuel played their set. He did, however, reportedly say that he thought Hilary Duff was "fantastic"...

And tomorrow, Mr. Far Too Fragile gets sworn into office for another four years.

Do you see what I mean? Armageddon.

I got nothing...

Yep, I got nothing. No news, either exciting or otherwise; I've been working on the sequel to Three Days in New York City and some short stories so I haven't been in "gossip" mode.

Funny story, though. I was trawling Google images for a pic to go with "I've got nothing" and found the above, which is a two song CD by Iggy and The Stooges. The tracks are "I Got Nothing" and, err, "Cock In My Pocket".

Well, yeah, if you have a cock in your pocket instead of where it belongs, then man, you really do have nothing. Unless of course it reaches all the way...oh god, never mind, I'm in no condition to go there right now.

Bleh. My weak attempt at humor at 6:03 a.m. on one cup of coffee.

So I'm bugged because I can't take my own advice about Black Thursday - having missed last week with the flu, I'm not about to call in sick in protest, but I will wear a black arm band. There was a whole movement before the election that we should wear red on Friday to protest the President, but since I now associate red with Republicans and winning states and I never looked good in that color anyway, forget it. I see a bunch of people are now sporting those blue bracelets a la the yellow Lance Armstrong ones which signify you are a blue state voter or at least a Democrat, but have I mentioned how much I fucking hate fads? I'll wear the black arm band on Thursday as my own private protest to make myself feel better. Not that I own a black arm band...I guess I'll tie a black scarf around my forearm which is sure to bring snarky comments from the lawyers in the office...yikes...forget it...I'll just skip it and walk around miserable all day.

See how I'm rambling here? I told you I got nothing.

Next week, though, I will be hosting a chat every day via my publisher's website, but I'll give more info on that as the time approaches. And it will be more like every night as opposed to morning or afternoon. Somehow I don't think my boss will take kindly to my hanging in a chat room all day in an effort to sell my book so I can quit my job and write full time.

Ha! There I go living in fantasy world again.

BLACK THURSDAY

The Idea Is Simple.
Just Like The President.

This January 20th:
- Call in sick to work
- Don't buy anything
...and write to your newspaper, your
senator and your representative
to tell them why.

Here's the link for more info: BLACK THURSDAY.

HAVE I MENTIONED I HATE REPUBLICANS?

My freaking life...

Yes, that is a broken pipe.

Sooo...today is a national holiday for Martin Luther King's birthday but I was out of work all last week with the flu so I'm at the office.

About two hours ago, we got an evacuate the building notice, which usually means a false alarm or a toaster fire where some idiot forgot they had a bagel cooking, but when we called downstairs, they told us Don't worry, it's just a pipe which burst.

Couple of things about that. One, when we get that notice to evacuate, strobe lights go off continuously, the biggest of which is right over my desk. I feel like I'm in a nightclub during the disco years (or in my parents' basement during the pot smoking years). I've had this thing blinking in my left eye since 11:00 a.m.

Two, a broken pipe means no toilets or running water. So even if you use the ladies room and don't flush like some of the morons here are doing, you can't wash your hands afterwards.

As for me, well, there's a four star hotel a few doors down from my office, The Bellevue, and I found a lovely ladies' room on the 13th floor with scented soaps and everything, including a woman sitting there who expects a tip everytime you pee. (Yes, I'm well aware there's a great joke waiting to be told as concerns that last remark but I can't think of it so feel free to post one in comments if anyone reading this is so inspired.) Round trip back and forth to the hotel only takes about 10-15 minutes and costs $2.00 per tinkle. Ha.

Except for the fact that it's like twenty below zero outside and I drank an entire pot of coffee this morning...ARGHHH...and oh god, I just realized there's asparagus in my lunch salad.

WHY THE FUCK DON'T THEY SEND US HOME?

Sigh...

So tonight is kind of a bummer. Eric is playing in one of his last shows for Rock School - the music of Jesus Christ Superstar - and I'm still not feeling well enough to go. Luckily his dad and Julie are there or I'd really feel guilty. I missed his last show, too, but that was because it was King Diamond and well - Eric knows it and he's cool with it - I can't handle their music. Of course I'm not crazy about the music of Jesus Christ Superstar, either, but I've never even missed one concert in all these years let alone two in a row and I would have been there for sure tonight if I didn't feel like such crap.

Oh god I'm getting old. I never thought I'd ever hear myself utter those words. When I was younger I thought hmpff, I'm never going to get old because I'm always going to love rock music blah blah blah...it never occurred to me that rock music as I knew it would change. Or that I would be so crotchety. But it's true. I'm losing patience with everyone these days and I know it's me. Okay, I think it's me, but I'm not one hundred per cent sure. It's entirely possible the rest of the world has gone stupid.

Nah, it's me.

Meanwhile, Eric's had this amazing week. Monday he took the train to Boston (like over a five hour ride) to have a drum lesson with Gary Chaffee. He mapquested the walk to his house and it was over five miles but Eric walks all over Philadelphia and is used to it -- but what was really wild was that in Boston, there was snow everywhere. He's so cool and unafraid; he walked all over the city; went to his lesson, which was this three hour, really intensive incredible thing, and then walked five miles in the snow back to the train station for another five and a half hour ride. He left the house at 6:00 a.m. that morning and got home 2:00 a.m. And Gary Chaffee is taking him on as a student! This means he'll do this once a month. It freaks me out that a seventeen year old is so dedicated to his art. Hmm...just thinking about this now is making me less cranky already.

Then, he did rehearsals for Jesus Christ Superstar all week, played one show last night after which he played another gig at the Troc - a benefit for Pig Iron. He played drums on two songs - White Lines and Sympathy for the Devil. Then he's doing another show tonight...he's in fucking heaven.

In other news, as I continue to live vicariously through Eric and Julie, they told me the movie soundtrack they're recording will be released April 12 by Jive Records, and that the official movie premiere is April 15. I started thinking that there's going to be a big Philadelphia premiere with a red carpet, etc. and then I realized I totally live in fantasy world.

But hey, you never know -- it could happen.

Last time I checked...

Yeah, last time I checked, I'm still living in America and I do believe we still have free speech here. But as far as our REPUBLICAN government is concerned, well...

Since I'm a writer, stay tuned for an essay on said subject.

Do I sound pissed? You betcha.

*************

Update: You know what? I have other things to write at the moment so I will work on the essay at a later date. But here's a very interesting article I found in my preliminary research: God I hate Republicans (my own subtitle)

I want one of these for my desk!

Hahahaha - I could have designed this thing.

Sooo...unless a miracle occurs, I have the distinction of last place in Best New Blog 2004. But not to sound like a crappy actress, it was so cool being nominated and better to be last place then mediocre in the middle.

What did I just say?

I have no idea.

Remember a few days ago I posted about my pal Ellen Meister? Well, she's got an unbelievable mention at Hobart Pulp. Go take a look and order this great magazine for God sakes!
Ellen and a few other, oh, not so famous (ha ha) authors

I have left my sick bed...

Okay, even I can't stay in bed for four straight days.

So today's news:

(1) I have a tongue in cheek interview in the Santa Fe Writers Project today, courtesy of fellow writer Alan Baird and I invite you to please check it out. Hopefully it will also entice you to buy my book!

(2) The kids (well, not by name) are once again mentioned in today's Philadelphia Daily News as recording their movie soundtrack and now the name of Deep Purple's Ian Gilliam has been added to the mix as he's going to record "Highway Star" with them next week. Don't know the song and I'm gonna admit it, I was never a Deep Purple fan, but I'm sure I will be one now.

Or not.

Ugh, I really am sick. Physically, I mean. We already know about mentally. It's been confirmed by several people, even me.

Anyway, more later.

I hope.