Eric Slick/Project Object on Tour - - Burlington, VT and Northampton, MA

This first group of photos is from Higher Ground in Burlington, Vermont and yeah, I know -- my photography skills seem to be getting worse with each show but that's only because the music is so unbelievably good I can't be bothered with taking pics all night



Robbie "Seahag" Mangano on guitar, Eric Svalgard on keyboards, Eric Slick on drums




Eric rocking out behind Ike Willis' towel



Ike making a grand entrance from the balcony - opening song, second set. Have I mentioned how amazing Ike is?

Next group of photos is from the following evening at the Iron Horse Music Hall in Northampton, MA





Eric and Ike again with some glimpses of keyboardist Eric Svalgard



Yay, this time we get to see a little Andre C. on guitar



And did I finally manage to get one of Dave Johnsen on bass?

Sooo...what can I say about this weekend. I don't even know where to begin. As good as the opening night was in Philadelphia, by the time I saw Eric and Project Object play on Saturday night in Vermont, they'd already done shows in Sayreville, New Jersey with the Mahavishnu Project and a gig in Albany, New York. All I can tell you is if I thought they were amazing Wednesday, you should have seen them Saturday and Sunday evenings. I am so blown away it's kind of hard to get my thoughts together right now. That, and I'm exhausted. Eric's dad and I figured out we'd been in seven states in two days and had it not been for the sheer evil that is mapquest.com and the trip it inexplicably took us through the Berkshires to get to Vermont on the way up and through mid-town New York on the way back, we actually would have made great time, but thanks to Satan...I mean...mapquest....four hour rides became nine hour adventures in gridlock.

But no more complaining...though I do want to say something that I found hilarious. Mapquest says take I-91 in Connecticut to Exit 10 and then 89 to Vermont. They fucking neglect to mention anything about Massachusetts. In other words, they meant Exit 10 in MA, not CT, and Gary and I ended up on a fifty mile stop and go trek through some bumfuck town in Connecticut with general stores and ancient gas pumps from the time cars were probably invented.

So we were stymied and had no alternative other than to buy a $15.00 travel Atlas which told us right away we should have stayed straight on Route 91 all the way through the State of MA and I take a look at who published this wonderful, detailed Atlas and it says in big bold letter on the inside cover: THIS ATLAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY (FUCKING) MAPQUEST.

Their evil plan, then, is to totally screw with your brains with their on line directions until you are so lost and aggravated and stuck in traffic you have no choice but to pull up to the closest gas station and buy their book!

Okay, let's get to the good stuff now that I've vented. When you are driving through the Berkshires -- even though it was by mistake -- and then through Vermont, your first impulse, if you are like me, is to say "That's it. I'm selling everything I own and moving here."

Because really, New England is one of the most magnificent places on the planet. My regular readers know how obsessed I am with the real England, but when I was in tiny towns in MA and Vermont, I thought I was in the UK -- the architecture is gorgeous; the towns have names like Manchester and Glastonbury; there are just acres and acres of rolling hills, lakes, forests, grazing sheep...I mean, I could easily have been in Newcastle or Huddersfield.

But then, you know, we needed gas and stopped in a little store in the middle of nowhere in this gorgeous, gorgeous wooded area and there were two big beefy hunter guys, talking about the deer they shot -- one was wearing a hat with earflaps and the other was eating a slim jim...and well, you just can't take me out of the city.

And a glance at their pick-up truck told me all I needed to know: Bumper stickers that supported Iraq, Dubya, and the right to life. 'Nuff said?

Though I would like to have a second home in New England for sure.

And where we ended up in Vermont for the show were all hipsters -- it's a college town and the venue where Project Object played is owned by the rock band Phish (who I just trashed a week or two ago here. That'll teach me not to be such a big mouth, huh, because not only was that like the greatest venue ever, they let the band play until 2:30 a.m. I mean, they actually did a four hour set. It was crazy!!!!)

So as I said, what should have been a six hour drive tops took us over nine hours and we arrived in Vermont at 6:00 p.m. with swollen ankles and sore asses. And as for me, I was pretty sure black lung disease because I think Gary smoked a carton of cigarettes on the way up because he was so nerved out and I wasn't going to add to his stress and the stress of the long ride in general by screaming about second hand smoke.

When we get to the hotel, however, they booked him in a "No Smoking" room and made me initial all of these forms to that effect since it's on my credit card. Now Gary never follows rules but I told him he'd better smoke outside, in the car, or, if he absolutely had to have one in the room, open the window and make sure he blew the smoke outside and left no butts around as evidence.

He decides to have a smoke outside but two seconds later there's a knock at my door and it's Gary, all freaked out.

"Robin, you won't believe this. There's a guy sitting at a computer at the end of the hall monitoring smoke levels in the rooms."

"Oh come on," I said, laughing.

"You think I'm kidding? He's in a little glass booth, and his screen keeps changing."

"Like a two star hotel really hires the cigarette police. Oh for god sakes, let me go have a look."

So I go with him down the hall, and immediately crack up laughing. Right on the door it says "Business Center - ask front desk for key" and there's a desk with one computer. It was merely a guest, who had about eight screens open checking his stocks, finances, whatever. I stood there watching him switch regular old screens from Prudential to Merrill Lynch, etc.

And this poor guy looks up and sees us, and there's Gary with his shoulder length hair scowling at him because I can't stop laughing and of course he gets paranoid because I am in fact bent over double giggling...oh well...I guess you had to be there. Trust me on this, it was hilarious, and Gary will be hearing about the cigarette hotel internet police from me for the next ten years.

Anyway, I call Eric on his cell phone to let him know we've arrived and he says "You can't believe this, they moved us to the lounge for tonight's show because the Disco Biscuits are here and they've sold out three nights straight and they stayed an extra night for another show."

Eric sounded upset because Project Object is the headliner on this tour, but then he called back five minutes later and said the lounge is gigantic and really nice and almost identical to the main room so there was no problem and that Disco Biscuit fans were not the type that would have attended Project Object's show anyway so they weren't "stealing their fans" or forcing them to play to an empty room, but he added "You guys may as well not get here until the show starts at 10:00 p.m. since the hotel is right next to the venue, anyway, and we hang out backstage before the show."

So okay, Gary and I decide to go in search of food and we find a pizza place because we were really too tired to even sit in a nice restaurant -- we just got it to go and took it back to the hotel. Gary crashed out for a few hours; I watched T.V. because I can never power nap and wake up refreshed -- in fact, I get loggy when I do that -- and at 9:45 we headed over.

Well, no one prepared me for the insanity that is the typical Disco Biscuit fan, espcially the five hundred outside the venue who couldn't get tickets or were frantically trying to scalp them...or had them and still had to stand in line which did not make them happy.

Sob. I felt like a grandmother. This was a very, very young drunk, hip, and angsty crowd. And of course all smoking cigarettes, too. I could not catch a break that day, I swear. Oh, and did I mention while it was 90 degrees when I left Philly, it was 90 below zero there and raining.

I dial Eric up on my cell.

"Eric, you've got to tell us where the back door is and let us in. They're making us stand in a six mile line of disgruntled Disco Biscuit fans and if one more person looks at me like I'm a narc I'm gonna have a panic attack."

"Mom, I can't. It's crazy here."

"You mean I have to stand in this line?"

"Sorry..."

"Eric...Nooooooooooooooooooo"

I hang up and look at Gary.

"We're stuck here."

"Oh no we're not," he said, and pointed to a side door with a guard.

And so we pushed through teenaged wasteland and got to the door which of course was locked and Gary knocked, the guard opened the door, we explained we were there to see Project Object, not the Disco Biscuits, and he said "Where are your tickets?"

"Um, we don't have tickets. We are on the guest list," I said.

"What guest list?" he asked.

"I'm going to kill your son," said Gary.

So now it was time to pull out all the stops and not care about anything.

"Listen," I said to the guard. "I am the drummer's mother. This big guy here is the drummer's father. Trust me, we are on the guest list. Please let us in before I have a nervous breakdown out here and you do not need that right now with all of these ticketless disco kids about to start a stampede."

Whenever in doubt, just act like a crazy menopausal woman and you will get your way.

The guard let us in with a smile and even pointed us in the direction of "backstage", which was in fact the second floor -- very, very cool. So we got to say hi to the band and hang out with them for a few minutes before they finally got to play at around 10:30 p.m.

Okay, what can I say about the music? Well, it was otherwordly. You can check for comments and the sets lists on the Project Object forum board, but here are some personal email excerpts which the band forwarded to me:

On Apr 18, 2006, at 9:49 AM, Matt Woods wrote:

Awesome show the other night. Great set – I have a copy of the set list and that was just an awesome line up of songs. We got some video and watched it through last night. Eric Slick is awesome – what feel he has.

And I googled Matt Woods - I think he's a guitarist but there are two of them so I'm gonna have to check on that with Project Object but judging by their response to him which I did not want to post for privacy sake, I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Here's another one:

On Apr 14, 2006, at 11:08 AM, Steve wrote:

Great show at Starland! How old is Eric Slick? The young man rocks!! To be able to play with you guys is extaordinary... A little Chad Wackerman in him????

Steve

Here's the link to Chad Wackerman so you can get an idea of just how good "Steve" thinks Eric is...

And from the actual Frank Zappa forum board:

R.C. Cola
Joined: 11 Jan 2006
Posts: 53
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania USA
Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 9:23 pm

Philly Show was Beautiful! See Shocked This Shocked Band! I was blown away by just about everything they did. I was also incredibly proud of the young people involved. It was drummer Eric Slick's first show, he is a PG Rock School graduate who will impress anyone who hears him, and he's 18!

Truly a great testament to the FZ legacy. Loved every second of it!

And when I got back to Philadelphia last night, this email was waiting for me:

Hi there,

I was just at a Project Object concert last night at Valentine's in Albany, NY, and I got to see your son play. I have to tell you that I am very seriously considering marrying him and I just wanted to clear it with you first....

HAHAHA!

No really, it was an incredible show, and I decided to Google his name this morning and I came across your website. You must be so proud to have such a talented and successful family! Frank Zappa's music is an inspiration to so many people, including me, and I am so glad they got a drummer like your son to help carry on the legend. I am definitely going to check out your book, too!

So I guess I just want to say thanks for birthing such an amazing person, so that I was able to enjoy his drumming last night!

Best of luck to you!

Hey, I just realized I'm concentrating solely on Eric here and not talking about how amazing the rest of the band is...but you know, I am his mother and I kinda use this blog to not only promote my own books and stuff but my kids as well so you're gonna have to humor me and get your Project Object info off their forum board (where actual concert clips, photos, and whole shows are linked! The entire Philly concert is there but it's a Bit Torrent thing and I'm scared to use that without Eric home in case I fry the computer). But anyway, Project Object is one of the most amazing live bands I've seen and you are reading the words of a woman who has seen the Who with Keith Moon; individual and joint concerts featuring Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce and Eric Clapton; both Live Aid 1985 and the ARMS concert at Madison Square Garden starring Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton, and Jimmy Page among others....sooo...you gotta believe me, if Project Object is coming to a town near you this tour, it really is a must see/hear event.

Okay, now for me here comes the real tear jerker at the Vermont show. I notice a good looking African American guy wearing a cool multi-colored robe totally grooving on the music and really going nuts every time Eric solos. At intermission Gary goes outside for a cigarette (I know, a big surprise ha ha) and he comes back in and he says:

"Rob, you are not going to believe who that guy in the robe is."

"Who!? Who!?"

This guy's son.

"You are kidding me!"

"Yeah. He said he loves Project Object and always goes to the shows and he was just at the Sayreville show on Friday night and said Eric blew him away so much he had to come again tonight to the Vermont show. He said his dad would have gone nuts over the way Eric played."

"Did you tell him that his father was one of Eric's heroes and that a lot of the jazz stuff Eric does was learned directly from listening to his CDs?"

"Of course!"

"Oh my god, wait until we tell Eric and introduce him," I said.

Anyway, in the meantime, that guy's son came over to me, introduced himself as Gamal, and of course I told him something Gary didn't tell him - that his father had played with my father and ho ho ho, the things you find on the internet, here's a photo of my father when he was with Buddy Rich's band - he's the one standing playing the trombone:



"That's not all," Gary told me.

"What else is there?"

"He said he'll be at the Boston show and he's bringing this guy's son with him -- they're friends and he told him all about Eric following the Friday night show in NJ."

I clutched my heart and got all teary eyed. I mean, this is just too, too much for me to handle. The music, the fans, the guys in the band...how awesome they are to Eric and how much Eric seems to have changed in just a week - that whole boy to man thing...oh yeah, and if that's not enough, a very well known, well connected guitarist came up to Eric after the NJ show and exchanged phone numbers with him so there's something very interesting in his future as well...

Anyway, enough of my rambling. My gal the amazing violinist Katie Jacoby and her mom filmed the Philadelphia show and without further ado, here's the band performing "Eat That Question"



Later,
xo
P.S. Did I just go a whole post without mentioning Neil Gaiman? Ha!

Eric Slick/Project Object on Tour - Night 2 - The Starland Ballroom

Robbie "Seahag" Mangano on guitar, Eric Slick on drums, Dave Johnsen hidden back there on bass, and Ike Willis looking on while waiting to resume his vocals.

So last night Project Object played the infamous Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, New Jersey and opening for them was the Mahavishnu Project.

Tonight, if anyone is in the Albany, New York area, they'll be at Valentine's and I wish I could make this one -- Ed Mann will be joining them on vibes and I've seen him perform at Toad's Place in Connecticut -- he is fucking amazing!

By the way, you might have noticed that the tour is being billed as "Project Object with Ike Willis". For those of you not familiar with Ike, I found a really cool wiki on him right here and if you click on the links, well, your jaw might just drop. Yep, my son is his drummer and what's really cool is when I met up with Ike Wednesday night before the show, his first words to me were "I've been waiting three years for this moment!"

Three years ago, Ike first heard a sixteen year old Eric play drums with the Rock School All-Stars at Zappanale 14 in East Germany.

"He's on the list!" Ike said to me backstage.

"The list?"

"He's going to be in my band. You mark my words. He's first on the list."

At the time, I was really thrilled and flattered, but Eric was just about to enter his senior year of high school and I was busy worrying about college applications for him and didn't take Ike's remark seriously. Har har. Like there was ever any doubt that Eric would go straight for a career in music and that despite the odds, he'd be lucky enough to see it happen. What was I thinking?

Anyway, I'm waiting to hear from Eric later today to find out how the show went last night and as soon as I do, I'll come in and edit this post and add in whatever interesting things he tells me. I know at World Cafe in Philadelphia the other night, tons of people asked him for his autograph and wanted their photo taken with him, and that was quite cool.

But an even funnier thing happened at the Philadelphia show I neglected to mention yesterday. I was standing next to a woman who was maybe just a little younger than I am and she was going on and on about how gorgeous the drummer was.

"That's my son," I said proudly.

"Oh really! Oh my god, he's so beautiful! Would you mind if I flashed him?"

Now any other mother would have been horrified, but I thought it was hilarious.

"Go ahead," I urged her.

(She was not unattractive, but like I said, she was definitely forty something)

"My husband will kill me," she said, but her hands were already tugging at her t-shirt.

"Where is he?" I asked, because really, she seemed to be all alone pressed there front and center at the stage.

"At the bar."

"The bar is all the way in the back, he won't notice."

I am so, so bad. But it totally cracked me up that I was standing next to someone that age who wanted to flash the band.

She did it so quickly that I don't think anyone noticed but I did, I did!

(Thank god she had a nice body)

I see the Project Object website has updated their "Journal" link to include Eric, and since he's got his laptop with him and practically every venue they're playing has wireless, I'm counting on him to continue the family tradition of blogging and doing me proud.

Okay, so I'm the only one in the family who blogs but Eric is a great writer with an awesome sense of humor so I'm gonna be really bummed if he doesn't do it. Eric Svalgard, P/O's keyboard player, keeps a good one and he's Eric's roommate on the tour so here's hoping he goads him into it, too.

But truth to tell, they have an exhausting schedule and their shows are three hours long (and grueling because of the complexity of Zappa's compositions) so between driving hours and hours between cities -- I'm guessing the ride to Albany alone today is going to be at least four hours but I'm geographically challenged -- I don't know if that's going to be physically possible to do on a regular basis. Looking over their schedule, holy cow, they're even driving from Connecticut to Ohio to Chicago over the course of three days. So if Eric doesn't blog (sob), I'll understand.

And it's just another way Rock School prepared him for this. Christ, the Rock School west coast tour included thirteen hour bus rides with no hotels or showers for two days at a time over an almost three week period so compared to that this will be a piece of cake for Eric. And for Eric, that west coast tour was like the greatest time he ever had in his life, so I'm not worried about him at all. But I did go out yesterday and buy him every treat I could think of to take to him when I see him in Vermont tomorrow -- Kudos Bars, toaster-free Pop-Tarts (when did they come out with those?), Smart Food (the world's greatest cheddar cheese popcorn. Oh, if eating that only did make you smart and healthy. I could live on it, it's so good.) and a couple boxes of cereal.

What can I tell you? Despite the fact that I think I'm so cool and hip, what I really am is a neurotic Jewish mother.

So here's something really weird and if I were really a delusional fan, I would be reading all kinds of cosmic meaning into this but in reality, it means nothing other than a bizarre coincidence. When you go to Project Object's website you will see right away that the tour is called the "Mission Accomplished" Tour. Now I know the reasons for this but I'm not going to go into that now. Also, in my post yesterday, I mentioned that of all the bands in the world, Uberlord of Rock School Paul Green had my son's girlfriend Carolyn sing an Abba song when the Rock School All-Stars opened for Project Object Wednesday night. Fucking Abba! Yikes! (Though as I said, Carolyn was magnificent and she belted it out like Janis Joplin). Sooo....I refer you to Neil Gaiman's journal post of today -- both the title and content.

Ha ha - yes, we know. He's sending you secret messages, Robin. Now. Get yourself a life before you are wearing Depends and confusing the dog with your significant other.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to my trip this weekend. I've already gone on line and researched restaurants (ha) and much to my utter joy, found out that there's a world famous, award winning hand-cut french fry restaurant right down the street from Higher Ground, which is the venue in Vermont. I mean really. What more in life does a person need?

Heh. How about fresh Vermont maple syrup creme brulee? Trust me, I scoped out an awesome restaurant but hesitate to say which one it is in case I can't get reservations. Note to self: Do that now!

Later,
xo

Eric Slick and Project Object - The Tour - Night One, Philadelphia, PA

Robbie "Sea Hag" Mangano on guitar, Eric Slick on drums, Ike Willis on guitars/vocals


Robbie, Eric, Ike, and André Cholmondeley- guitar, vocals, samples


Katie Jacoby - "The Blue Viper" - on electric violin


Max Svalgard, son of keyboardist Eric Svalgard (whose photo I neglected somehow to take last night but will certainly make up for it this weekend!), joins the band on bass for Peaches and Regalia


Ms. Julie Slick, joining the band on bass for "City of Tiny Lights"


The oh my god I think I'm back at Zappanale 14 in Bad Doberan, East Germany photo - Teddi Tarnoff on vocals and Julie Slick on bass (City of Tiny Lights)

Seriously, apologies for being a really crappy photographer and missing photos of Eric Svalgard on keyboards and Dave Johnsen on bass (huge stage and I was right in front so getting group shots was impossible and I was on the other side of the world from Dave and blocked by monitors for Eric Svalgard) but I will be at two more shows this weekend and promise to take tons of photos. Last night, I basically put the camera away for most of the evening so I could just enjoy the incredible, mind-boggling music.

I'm still speechless. Really. The musicianship, the comradery of the band, the way the standing room only packed audience accepted Eric as the new drummer and then treated his Dad and me like we were royalty for giving birth to "a genius"...their generosity in allowing Rock School kids to join in on some songs like Max Svalgard (Eric Svalgard, P/O keyboard player's son) on bass (he did great!), Teddi Tarnoff on as usual incredible vocals, daughter Julie on bass, and the absolute brilliance of Katie Jacoby on electric violin. I know I brag about Katie a lot, but to see her live is really something special - she's not only a prodigy she's so beautiful and has such stage presence you just know she's going to be mega-famous some day.

I'm still waiting for everyone to post on the Project Object forum board -- there are fans who traveled from Washington, D.C. and upstate New York -- P/O has a fiercely devoted fan base -- but there was one dude who checked in on the board in the wee hours and he admits it, he was at the bar, so take his post with a grain of whatever:

Johnny_K
YaBB Newbie
Gender: male
Posts: 17
Tonight's Show 4/12
Today at 2:57am »
Well folks, the tour started tonight in Philly at World Cafe Live.

What can I say? AWESOME!!!!

For those that crave the set list, sorry I don't have it. I was too busy jamming out at the bar. But it's safe to say the if you don't like Shiek Your Booty, Joe's Garage, Thing Fish and other Zappa classics you will be disappointed.

Andre, Ike, Seahag, Dave, and Erik's (drums and keyboards). Excellent job!!!(as always) Including the newbe drummer. As was all the extras that played with you. I think you should add the violinst to the band. (Shes hot, and can play the violen too.)

Hopefully some one will post the songs that you played tonight and add more comment. I'm tired and am going to sleep. But it was an awesome f*cking show!!!!
***

Ha ha - I didn't edit his post for spelling but to check it yourself and see if anyone adds anything else today, here's the link -- just click on "forum" and then "Tonight's Show 4/12".

Like I said, Project Object fans are very dedicated so expect the forum to fill up as the tour progresses. But don't worry if you forget to check (ha) because I will be providing direct posts and links as I find them, and because I am OCD as concerns my kids, I will be checking hourly.

Anyway, not to be all mushy or anything, but what can I say? Last night was all because of Paul Green, and if you have kids who show any interest in playing guitar, drums, etc. and are in a city where there's a Rock School, SIGN THEM UP IMMEDIATELY! And if there isn't a Rock School in your city, write to Paul and find out how you can get involved in getting that accomplished. I can't even type right now without getting choked up over Eric's eight years at Rock School. Paul's love of these kids, his taste in music, and his whole teaching philosophy, really, enabled Eric, four weeks shy of his 19th birthday, to be on that stage last night with highly talented experienced musicians -- some twice his age -- playing extremely difficult/complex music previously played by greats like this guy with confidence. To see his glowing smile after he aced one of his many solos...oh god...hear come the tears again.

I also do not want to leave out mentioning the awesome job the Rock School All-Stars did as the opening act for Project Object last night. One really touching moment was when my son's girlfriend Carolyn came out to do her song, which, I cannot believe, was Abba's Take a Chance on Me, and Paul brought Eric out of Rock School retirement so he could back up his woman on drums. It was so good! Carolyn has got a hell of a voice and she wailed on it! I was skeptical when I heard Paul had added an Abba song of all bands when he's so into Zappa and Pink Floyd, but I should know by now never to doubt his instincts. Anyway, Carolyn is probably going to kill me for this but I could not get the camera off of "video" when I took this shot, but I'm posting it anyway:



So that's all I can manage right now...I'm still all sobby looking around my living room, which, as I mentioned yesterday, for the first time in fifteen years is missing a set of drums and I keep staring at the empty space in disbelief.

But I'm so thrilled for Eric...oh my god, he's the luckiest kid in the universe right now.

Later,
xo

Eric Slick and Project Object - The Tour Begins! But first...breaking news...

PHAZE TITLES NOW IN BORDERS STORES!

Phaze is pleased to announce that our paperback titles are now available in Borders stores nationwide. Readers may now find Fairy Godlover by Devi Sparks, Truth or Dare by Leigh Ellwood, and Three Days in New York City by Robin Slick in the romance and erotica section of their local store! Bedtime Stories by Madeleine Oh and Hot Off the Presses by Trixie Stilletto will be arriving shortly!

So yep, it's true. If you have an immediate urge to buy Three Days in New York City by yours truly or any of the other above mentioned Phaze titles, all you have to do now is visit your local Borders. I know I blurbed it here when I first got the news a few weeks ago, but it's now on the front page of my publisher's website.

Okay, then. Let's see if I can set up a reading at our downtown Borders megastore. (Easier said than done, I'm told, but I have a plan...)

And um, I can just see me on my upcoming trip to New England.

"Err...is that a Borders? Hang on, I want to run in and see if they have my book!"

And if they do, of course I'll probably immediately do some guerilla marketing - meaning, I'll pull out some copies and put them somewhere prominent in the store.

Sigh...causing me and my books to probably forever be banned from Borders for life.

Haha - and if god forbid they do not have my book in stock at that particular Borders...well, then I will go hassle the 17 year old kid behind the information desk.

"I wish to register a complaint!"

Wait until he/she looks me up on the computer and realizes, hey, I have a real live erotica queen right here in front of me! After which I will race over to the table of literary fiction and calmly leaf through the 2005 Best American Short Story Collection and smile sweetly while he/she checks their inventory further.

Speaking of erotica, yep, I finished my "Samba" yesterday -- managed to stop myself at around 7,000 words -- and already subbed it. Of course typical me, I've been writing for Phaze for almost two years and didn't think I had to look at the formatting guidelines. So of course I complete it, go to mail it off, and realized when I checked the website for the submission address that I'd formatted it all wrong.

But explain something to me. When I highlight the entire story, hit select all, and then make the format change, why do only some sentences indent? Arghh...I must have spent two hours manually correcting things. I didn't realize that as per the guidelines at Phaze you couldn't use tabs to indent, and naturally, every single one of my paragraphs was in fact a tabbed indent. What I needed was a .03 indent with no tabs. I was so frustrated when I couldn't get it to work by hitting select all with that in mind! So I ended up having to line up every single sentence on the left with no indents or tabs, copy it to another blank new document, and then do the select all thing with the .03 left indent.

Well, valuable lesson learned. Next time I go to submit anywhere, I'll fucking memorize the guidelines before I type my first word.

Oh, and here's the best news. After reading it over like ninety times before sending it, once I did sub it I of course had to read it one final time and saw right away that I'd used the same phrase twice on one page and almost had a heart attack. I actually wrote to my publisher and alerted them. Hopefully they had a good laugh at how neurotic I am -- at least someone should get a smile out of my pain.

Grrr...since I gave up on the idea of the writing cabin, I at least need an assistant for these things! Formatting and making sure I don't use the same word seventeen times, that is.

Just kidding, just kidding.

You know what I think is interesting? People who have assistants for research when they write. I know most famous writers do, but I love research and it's one of my favorite parts about the process. I actually know of a delusional woman who not only refuses to do research for her novels, she brags about it. And then of course wonders why her books aren't published. Christ, I even do research for erotica. I don't know half the stuff that's out there in the way of sexual aids, toys, etc. and while making stuff up is the great joy of writing fiction, I don't give a shit how smart or creative you are, you still need to research certain things and if you don't, it's blatantly obvious and you're fooling no one let alone editors.

Anyway, getting back to THREE DAYS IS AVAILABLE AT BORDERS! THREE DAYS IS AVAILABLE AT BORDERS!...it's good that I'm happy about something, because while as you all know how thrilled I am that tonight begins Eric's tour with Project Object, outside of this weekend when I visit him in Vermont and Massachusetts, it will be another month before I see him again.

Eric, as I've mentioned, is the world's coolest kid and well, he'll be 19 so he's technically an adult but even before he reached that age, I've used him as a sounding board for a lot of adult issues and he's pretty wise about a lot of things. And most importantly, he's a hell of a lot calmer and easy going than anyone else in this family.

Soo...the tour. It's really hitting me now. Load in to the World Cafe for the band is at 3:00 p.m. and this will be the first time in fifteen years there won't be a drum set in my living room...everything is packed in their cases and ready to rock.

Sob...I guess I'd better get used to it though I can't imagine a house without a million musical instruments and since Eric has three sets of drums, when he does decide to move out I'm gonna make him leave a set here. Otherwise I'm going to turn into a loony middle aged interior decorator woman and put a lounge chair or some other piece o'nonsense in the empty space and we just can't have that!

And of course I'm way, way excited that Julie Slick will be performing on bass tonight with Project Object as well. When they were little, they made a pact that they'd always be in a band together, but of course they grew up and their musical interests/tastes are in different directions and while it breaks my heart because they are such wonderful musicians, especially when they are a band's rhythm section, I know I have to let go of that fantasy. But for old time sake...



Heh. I just realized I get to take a whole new slew of pics tonight of the two of them together on stage for who knows, what may be a final time. Though I keep saying that and then something magical occurs so I refuse to give up hope.

One more time, I'm posting the Project Object tour information. If you are reading this in a city where they will be and you write to me, even if I wasn't planning on attending that show, I may reconsider. If I like you, that is. Ha.



You know what's really cool? The tour t-shirts are going to look just like that, olive green with red and yellow. Think I'll buy a hundred or so? Ha! I doubt Eric's name will be on it individually, but God forbid it is...then I'll be buying a thousand of them. I'm just a little proud...

So, that's it for now. Eric slept at his girlfriend's house last night since they won't be seeing each other for a while and I'm busy doing his wash (Oh, I'll do it, Mom...cough cough) after which I want to run to the store and buy him yet more supplies I started thinking he'll be needing.

Expect lots of photos and stories tomorrow! (I have to get this all in now because when I leave for New England for three days this weekend, I will be internet free. Oh my god, can you imagine my post when I return on Tuesday? It will probably be a mini-series!)

Anyway, I'm off. Hope to see a lot of you at the show tonight!

Later,
xo

One day and counting until Eric Slick goes on tour with Project Object!

I'm not sure about this, but I think this is a photo of Eric Slick a year ago on drums when he was still with the Rock School All-Stars and they opened for Project Object. Weird how life is one giant cycle, isn't it?

Okay, now I'm really getting nuts -- one more day until Eric leaves on tour with said Project Object (and if you didn't check out their website link yesterday, please do so today because Eric's bio is now up in the band section!) and of course as we're sitting around yesterday, I'm like, "Eric, do you have everything you need?"

And he's like "Yeah, mom. I have ten sets of drumsticks; I have drum cases, a new drum rug..."

"Eric?"

"Shh..Mom, I'm trying to learn a song" (He's got his headphones on and he's hooked up to his laptop)

"Okay, not to sound like your mother or anything, but have you started packing?"

"No, I need a bunch of stuff washed first."

"Well, bring it downstairs and I'll do it for you."

"Nah, that's okay. I'll do it tomorrow."

Well, fine, that's cool with me. But then I had another thought:

"Eric? What about stuff like toothpaste and shampoo...I mean, I know hotels have little shampoos and conditioner samples but you are kind of picky and you're used to the good herbal/organic stuff I buy....do I need to go out tomorrow and pick you up a bunch of toiletries? I mean, I'm aware you're not going to Siberia, but you are going to be on the road for five weeks and you don't drive and maybe the other musicians aren't going to want to chauffeur you to drug stores, etc. in their free time, you know?"

"Oh yeah, I guess so. Right. Okay, mom, if you want to go out and pick me up some stuff, that's really cool."

Sigh...

Now I'm in full mother mode altogether and am like a crazy person looking around the house for stuff he can also take to eat, like boxes of his beloved Frosted Mini-Wheats which he eats every single day for breakfast. Though interesting, most of the musicians in Project Object are vegans and I made a bet with my daughter and Eric's dad that Eric comes back from the tour a vegan, too.

Note to self: Learn what the fuck falafel is made out of and learn how to cook it

Anyway, in more sobering news, I've been asked for the past couple of months not to mention something going on in Julie and Eric's lives right now and up until today, I've respected their wishes. One of their very close friends, Dan Nitz, a very talented musician, is suffering from leukemia and just spent a month in the hospital receiving some pretty heavy duty chemo and his battle isn't over yet. The reason for this post, then, is that I just discovered that Dan is not only loved by the entire Rock School family, he has fans all over the world as a result of the Rock School Zappa program and his subsequent trip to Germany with the All-Stars to perform at Zappanale this past summer.

The folks in the Zappa community have posted this on their forum board today:



Here's a photo of Daniel Henry Nitz, one of Paul Green's School Of Rock Music kids, who played at Zappanale #16. He is fighting leukaemia and has undergone intensive chemo and a bone marrow transplant. If you want to send him an email to tell him that he has friends around the world, hoping he gets better and to give him some support in his struggle to live, please do so at mailto:danielhenrynitz@yahoo.com.

For the record, this info is not correct, Dan has not undergone a transplant as of this time but all I can say right now is, Dan, we all love you and our thoughts are with you and your family. And to any Rock School kid reading this and any other friends - please write to Dan and send him your best wishes and support. When John Wetton was in town, he visited Dan in the hospital with Rock School's Paul Green and we thank John for his kindness and generosity.

Okay, on a lighter note, was anyone besides me tempted to bid on this little item mentioned in Neil Gaiman's blog? I admit I was tempted when it was in the $160 range, but um, now it's gotten a bit out of hand.

Besides, I'm holding out for the worn by Neil signed t-shirt.

So I continue to work on my current short erotic story for Phaze Publishers and after I realized how many pages it now was and I did a word count check, I'm terrified to think I may be in fact writing another novel! Oh man, unlike everything else in my life, why does writing erotica come so easy to me?

Heh. Don't answer that. Not exactly the best choice of words, either.

But I think it's actually been a good thing. It's relaxing and also proves to me that I can write with kids in the house, music blasting, and even while taking phone calls screaming at Capital One who now deem it necessary to call this house several times a day from 8:00 a.m. on to offer Julie and Eric credit cards. Oh yes, just what they need. I keep telling them "Take us off the call list!" and I even signed up for that feature but Capital One apparently makes their own rules and doesn't give a fuck about the law. Hey! Are they owned by George Bush? Hmm...I should check into that. I bet there's a Bush pal somewhere heading up that company. But yeah, getting back to writing, I should lighten up as concerns my mainstream novel and just let it fly the way I do when I write erotica and not be so concerned about my surroundings...I think I'm just using the insanity of my turned into a college dorm house as an excuse. I have lived in the city all my life -- I'm used to noise! So between having fun with this piece and the fact that I'm taking a three day vacation -- internet free -- in New England this weekend, I'm feeling pretty loose and will certainly have my pen and journal with me in case I want to make this a working vacation, too.

Anyway, I think that's all for today. I want to do some work on my porno..I mean, erotica piece, do some edits on the novel, run out and buy Eric all the shampoo he can use, and then, as per his request, make him his favorite dinner as a going away present: Chicken parmagiana with brown rice pasta. With Ben & Jerry's Phish Food for dessert.

Later,
xo

The oh my God this is the week Eric leaves on tour with Project Object post

Eric Slick on drums sitting in with Rock School last fall in New York at the Les Paul Tribute



And there's Eric hanging out in New York at the Hard Rock Cafe prior to the great guitar smash with fellow drummers Dave Papp and Joey Randazzo and in profile to the left of Eric so you can't really see him through his great hair is Rock School All-Star graduate guitarist Jeremy Blessing, now with the band Atlas.

So Eric leaves home on Wednesday to go on tour with Project Object and I won't see him again until May 14. Oh, the separation anxiety! But ooh ooh, go to the Project Object website link I provided above. They've updated! Click on "band" and read Eric's bio!

Anyway, I'm lying. I'll see Eric before May 14 -- I'll be in New England all weekend, attending the shows in Vermont and Massachusetts and I am so fucking psyched! And I will most likely be at the Connecticut show and definitely at the New York City and Baltimore concerts.

Opening night in Philadelphia on Wednesday is going to be amazing.

In honor of this, I felt it only right to support the music scene even further and I went CD shopping yesterday which is something alas I seldom do anymore because I too have fallen prey to downloading my music off the internet. And while I'm in confession mode, I went to Tower Records because I was right there and they had a big Sale Sign in the window. As you know, this violates my policy of never shopping at big corporations and only giving my money to mom and pop stores...but I am a weak woman.

Bad Robin!

But man, did I walk into a treasure trove. I bought stuff I didn't know existed. Well, I knew the solo Ray Davies CD Other People's Lives was out and if you don't own this, buy it immediately. It's brilliant.

Here's what else I bought:

Procul Harum Live DVD (1972, featuring Robin Trower)
Mick Abrahams - At Last
Frank Zappa/Unmitigated Audacity Bootleg
Kinks - Village Green Deluxe - 3 CDs
Thad Jones/Mel Lewis Live at Village Vanguard
Blodwyn Pig - All Said and Done - CD and DVD.

Um, and while I'm spilling my guts here, the other reason I wasn't around all weekend is that I'm writing a new erotica piece. Sigh...I know I said I was done with that and was sticking with mainstream fiction and creative non-fiction from now on but damn it, I could not resist. There were two things that happened that caused me to take the, um, plunge once again. Okay, three things.

First, the new novel I've been killing myself over. I finished a major chunk on Saturday morning and really need to take a couple of days away from it while I think over some things, such as whether flashbacks work or are too long. And um, even though it isn't even done, I had another inquiry from an agent.

No pressure there.

Secondly, my publisher for Three Days in New York City and Another Bite of the Apple, Phaze, asked if I would mind proofing a few of their new Spring "heat sheets" before they were released -- heat sheets being short erotica stories ranging from 5,000 to 12,000 words. The theme for the current heat sheets now selling at Phaze is "Surge", in which the story had to involve some sort of electricity between the sexual partners.

Third, she announced a new Heat Sheet theme - Samba. An erotic tale that takes place in South America. The best Samba stories will be published this summer.

Here's the weird thing about me. I don't read erotica. And even though I know it's my genre as a Phaze author, I still do not really consider myself an erotica writer...I write about dysfunctional contemporary relationships and naturally if your relationship is dysfunctional and contemporary it's going to include dysfunctional and/or depraved sex. But the majority of my stuff is not erotica and appears all over the web and in print in publications that are decidedly not sexual in nature.

Oh alright. I have written a few short stories that are a bit naughty. So shoot me.

But...I have never once used the word "cum". (Okay, well, I just did). Reading stories which use the word "cum" embarrasses me.

Nevertheless, I thought it only fair that I help out with proofing because my publisher is a small independent company and at one time I was fiction editor at two lit mags. So I took on a couple of these stories.

I had a revelation while reading them. Um, I got more than a little steamy. Okay, I almost lost my mind. Hey, unlike my work, everyone in the stories I read were gorgeous and perfect. No one farts during sex...everyone has simultaneous orgasms which last a hell of a lot longer than any human I know (err...hide your eyes, kiddies)(hmmm...maybe I've just found a way to keep them from reading this: YO KIDS -- YOUR PARENTS HAVE SEX! YOUR PARENTS HAVE SEX!)...and I started thinking, Hey, I want to do this. I want to write a Samba story about perfect people having perfect sex in a perfect setting in South America.

So I happily started writing and filled up five or six pages until that dangerous thing reared its head.

No, not a penis. Go wash your brain out with soap!

Conflict. I had no conflict.

There was no reason to read my story unless you wanted to just read about two incredible people having incredible sex in an incredible place.

Ha ha - yes, I know. Post it, Robin, go ahead. It won't kill you, we promise we won't make fun of you. In fact, please, please, please post it.

No.

The truth is, halfway through the story, I said the hell with this, I can't do it. I mean, my characters just had ten minute orgasms in a room filled with tropical flowers. Now what? Champagne and Beluga caviar on his yacht and she has an allergic reaction? Or -- oh no -- a real crisis -- she gets her period and he has the nerve to ask her for a blow job!

Arghhhhhh.....

But as luck would have it, I got an email from my publisher with the cover illustration she came up with for these Samba stories and, well, problem solved...let's just say our conflict now comes via one woman and two men, one of whom is wearing -- gasp -- a sombrero.

Thus, this weekend I wrote erotica again. What can I tell you. It's like my big old bag of crack. Wait. That doesn't sound right. Ha. Oh well. Whatever.

Oh, and guess what, the characters are neurotic and dysfunctional after all. I mean, come on, one of them wears a sombrero for Christ sake.

Meanwhile, there's not even a guarantee my publisher will accept my Samba. There's an open call for submissions right now and only a half dozen or so are chosen. But if nothing else, I'm having a blast writing and if she rejects it...I know! I know! I'll send it to the New Yorker! Yeah!

Sooo...Since I'm not quite finished my leetle Samba and I don't seem to be able to leave it alone...

I'm off to write.

Later,
xo

Lazy Gilly was a flower child - all the summer calmly running wild - she'd be silly and her friends just smiled

This is actually a chalk sidewalk drawing by Julian Beever. Is that wild or what? And if you think the above looks three dimensional, have a look at these. I mean, they're all merely drawn on a flat pavement.





I love insane stuff like Julian's art. He's awesome, isn't he?

This just in: Lisa Kudrow is narrating the audio version of my friend Ellen Meister's novel! I am thrilled beyond belief for Ellen and as I've stated here many times in the past year, you are all going to be able to say "We knew her when!" once her book comes out this August. In fact, you should all pre-order it right now right here!

Hey, due to popular demand and Pearl Jam fans coming at me from all over the world, some of whom do not easily read or speak English, I've made the You Tube movie with Eddie Vedder and my son Eric (and Rock School Hall of Famers Larry Allen, Joey Randazzo, and Julia Ranier) a permanent link on the right hand side, directly under the Amazon book links. I also permanently linked the "Robin Slick and Neil Gaiman Together at Last" post brought to you with the help of my pal David Niall Wilson because every time I look at it, I laugh my ass off.

So how cool is this -- an excerpt from Three Days in New York City is up on Playgirl Magazine and my bio and an interview will also be in the magazine in a couple of months.

Yeah, that makes me happy.

Speaking of happy, Happy Birthday to Ms. Carolyn Pagnotta, my son's girlfriend, who turns 18 today and oh boy, do I wish I were Carolyn because Eric has some awesome things planned for her. Obviously I can't spill anything now but expect a full report next week.


Once again, Happy Birthday, Carolyn!

So I'm not sure if this is (my luck) something that's been floating around the internet in a lot of writing circles for years but I saw it for the first time yesterday and I thought I would share it here because it cracked me up:

Says an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca) Asshole.

(Gary) Bitch

(Rebecca) F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary) Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one.

I dunno -- frat humor, maybe, but it made me smile. And really, that's all I ask for these days.

And P.S. - the title of this post? Lyrics to Friday, by Joe Jackson.

She don't care no more, she gets paid on Friday. Does that ring a bell? Awesome song. I've been pulling out the golden oldies lately and enjoying myself to no end.

Later,
xo

Odds and Sods for Thursday, April 6

More from the John Wetton Show at the New York Knitting Factory -- Katie Jacoby on violin, Zach Bukowski on flute, Stevie Roberts on keyboards, CJ Tywoniak on guitar, and Eric Slick on drums

So yeah, the last few days have been dull and I suppose I should be glad, but I'll be gladder if I can get some writing done today. Hey, it could happen...

No. It will happen. While it's been dull for me personally, it's been nuts here this week with kids and appointments and various other diversions but when I don't write for a few days I'm miserable and filled with self-loathing and we just can't have that.

Hey, it's starting to finally hit me that next Wednesday my son goes on tour for almost five weeks! Here's the official advert:



Cool, huh. And even better, I just learned my daughter Julie will be joining Project Object on stage with her bass for "City of Tiny Lights" and "Peaches and Regalia" on opening night at the World Cafe -- I will try to control myself and not cry or jump on stage with my camera. But yeah, to say I'm excited is an understatement.

So remember yesterday when I said I heard from an old friend -- the one who sent me the Texas Cowboy in Mexico joke? He wants me to co-author a book with him on a subject totally outside my realm of knowledge but I'm interested, I'm interested. But first he said he has to mail me some reading material.

Now this worries me.

Have I ever told the story of my first internet experience here? Well, if I have, I'm sorry to be so senile and you can stop reading now, but something tells me I never had the guts to share this before. Until now. And I'll probably regret it, but it makes for a good laugh.

I was probably one of the last people to go "online". I thought computers were part of a diabolical Republican plan to steal creativity away from our youth. And so while I had a computer and my kids were on line since the early nineties, I avoided it like it was the Mother of All Evil.

And then one day six years ago, the kids were at school, and I saw a commercial on T.V. for Gap On Line. What's this? I could buy my black t-shirts on line and never have to visit another fucking Gap store again? All I had to do was go to www.gap.com? (I hate to shop, have I mentioned that? I mean, I love CD shopping and shopping for cool arty stuff, but regular shopping...arghhh).

So I sat down at the computer and had no idea at all what I was doing. I didn't know about Netscape or Internet Explorer - I knew we had AOL so I figured out how to sign on to that, not knowing I had signed on to my daughter's screen name and what that meant.

I'm in the middle of placing my order when I got my first instant message, only of course it was meant for Julie. It was nothing, just one of her goofy friends, but I closed the window and got all freaked out. I didn't want to invade her privacy...but...I wanted to be able to buy my black t-shirts on line, damn it!

It didn't take rocket science to figure out how to give myself a screen name. Oh my god, how embarrassing is this. My first name was Mrs. Hippie. Please kill me, I can't even believe I'm sharing that. Anyway, complete trusting novice that I was, I learned I could make myself an AOL profile and I was blatantly and disgustingly honest. You would have thought I was preparing a profile for for www.match.com. I listed my likes, my dislikes -- I did everything but list my actual street address.

Why did I do this? I have no idea, other than I thought that's what you were supposed to do in order to participate on AOL.

Oy.

Sooo...it's only about ten minutes in that I'm happily shopping with my new screen name when I receive an instant message. Apparently AOL has a feature where another member can type in a search word and find members with like tastes, and my first IMer ever typed in rock music and Philadelphia.

Ohhhh....I can't finish this story.

Nah, I won't do that to you. That would be cruel. So here is the edited, abridged, and kid proof version. We got to talking, and he asked me if I liked water sports.

I naturally thought he meant water skiing, boating, stuff like that.

He said he was e-mailing me some reading material.

I now had to learn how to download, but he coached me through it, and it landed on the desktop. Okay, no problem, right?

Wrong.

I open the water sports document and read Chapter One.

"What To Do In Fancy Hotels"

Huh?

"You take down the shower curtain and place it on the bed like a sheet so you don't ruin the mattress..."

Wuh?

Chapter Two.

"The Nutritional Benefits of Urine and How It Can Save You If You Are Ever in a Plane Crash or Shipwrecked"

Um, I don't really have to go into this any further, do I?

Horrified, it took me three hours to delete it from the desktop (don't forget, I didn't know about "Trash" or "Recycle") and I sat there shaking with paranoia that my then young teenagers would find it and think it was mine.

Well, it was mine. Ha. I mean I was terrified they'd think it was something I was into.

I deleted my screen name immediately. Mrs. Hippie was no more.

Now you would think that would have kept me off line forever, wouldn't you?

(And trust me, I left out practically every detail I could just now...you got the bare bones version of this story)

But no, here I am, and I even use my real name. How nuts am I?

Speaking of nuts, look, you know this is something I'd never be able to resist in a million years so I hope it happens -- in Neil Gaiman's blog the other day as concerns contributing to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund:

Neil said:

It's definitely time to say thank you to any of you who have contributed to the fund recently. And it's time for me to do several of the fundraising things I keep meaning to do but have been putting off. For example, about a decade ago I grabbed a few dozen of my older black tee shirts, signed them in fabric paint and gave them to the CBLDF who sold them at conventions for about $50 a shirt. I think it's time to go and buy some new pots of fabric paint...

Ahem. A vintage worn by Neil Gaiman black t-shirt? And only $50.00? And the money goes to a good cause?

Oh my God. A new reason to live.

Later,
xo

Wednesday morning at 5:00 as the day begins...

Robin Slick acting like an idiot at a sacred monument. Sorry. It just looked climb-able and I couldn't resist.

Anyway...

I got nothing.

I know you are all used to being amused with stories of my kiddies, my rock star pals, or my insane life in general...but seriously, the most exciting thing that happened yesterday was that a dog pooped on my top step (marble) outside and one of the many kids traipsing through here stepped in it and I not only had to clean it off the step, I had to scrub the hallway. And then I hollered and yelled, which is something I really do not do.

So it was a bad day.

But...not entirely. I heard from a very old friend, and he sent me a joke which actually made me laugh out loud. Ready? Okay...here it is:

A big Texas cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning, a delicacy!"

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation -- bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry Senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned and placed his order. That evening he returned and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied:

"Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Later,
xo

Just Another Manic Monday

John Wetton and Eric Slick

So thank you Dave Neidorf for sending me all those great photos from the John Wetton/Rock School shows. These are stills from the DVD? They came out fantastic! And the DVD is where? Ha! Just kidding...Dave has been incredibly generous sharing DVDs he's filmed of the All-Star concerts and he just wrote to me that said DVD is on its way.

Dave's daughter Sara is one of Eric's students and she is an amazing drummer in her own right. Here's a photo of Sara with John Wetton at the New York Knitting Factory last month:



I have a bunch more photos in my photobucket site and a lot more I'll be adding (I promise...I will make that a priority) but I'll also post them here one by one during the week. If you don't want to wait, go visit yourself and take what you want. I provided the link last week but all you have to do is right click on one of the above photos and get the properties and that'll give you the address.

Meanwhile I can't believe Eric is leaving for what amounts to a five week tour next Wednesday. Man, I'm really going to miss him but I guess I'd better get used to it, huh. So far I'm definitely making his shows in Vermont, Massachusetts, and Maryland but I'm still trying to decide if I should book flights to venues in places like Illinois and Wisconsin. The thing is -- I really love this band and I can't get enough of seeing/hearing my son on the drums. It's about the music! But I know I can't show up at every gig like some crazed stage mother so I guess I'd better control myself and limit the amount of cities I visit this month and next.

Maybe.

It's only 8:00 a.m. right now and Eric is already out the door to hop a train to the recording studio with the Shannon Penn Band until tonight when he heads almost to New York City for a rehearsal with Project Object from 10:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. for the tour. Ditto tomorrow. He may catch a break on Wednesday but Thursday it's all day/night in New York teaching drums and rehearsing. And then next week the great tour begins at World Cafe Live!

So what a nutty couple of days. First there was the wicked April Fools joke that Sue Henderson and I fell for. Apparently Neil did not -- by the title of his post "Poisson d'Avril, and other interesting dishes on the subject" and the fact that he mentions a "herring" in his computer...well, let's just say he's the brains in the bunch but he did link Sue in his blog and since he previously commented in mine, Sue and I have decided to get "I'm Neil Gaiman's Bitch" t-shirts printed up for ourselves. Poisson d'Avril means April fishes and if you don't know what that means, use Google.

Then, Julie and I decided to have breakfast the following morning at a place we heard was totally wild but wild is a word which just barely scratches the surface. Let's see. Where do I start. Okay. The outside has an old fashioned Coca Cola sign which looks like this:



Inside, there are just four tables. And there's only four things on the menu. And it's only open four days a week.

But I digress.

The restaurant is called Carman's Country Kitchen and it's at 11th and Wharton Streets, a few blocks south of the Italian Market and maybe ten blocks south of City Hall. When Julie and I walked in, I immediately loved the vibes in the place -- in fact, it reminded me of my house. Colored lights, mardi gras beads hanging from the tin ceiling, plants, mismatched furniture and dishes, etc. I saw the four specials on the blackboard and was instantly intrigued:

Orange pumpkin carrot poppyseed pancakes with black walnut sweetened cream cheese -- stuff like that.

The restaurant is owned by Carman, a fifty/sixty something diva who wears a bandana and hippie clothes and stiletto heels. Her assistant is Dan, an aspiring jazz musician who cut fresh strawberries the whole time we were there. Okay, first odd thing. I looked up at a shelf and squinted and then asked Julie:

"Is that a ceramic statue of a boy with a huge penis?"

"Mom?"

"Yeah? What, it's not a penis? I'm whispering, nobody hears..." (God forbid I embarrass her.)

"It's a penis Mom," she giggled. Whew. Julie can be a prude, but she's being really cool about this. Still, there's something else, I can tell. Why did she say "Mom?" like that. What's up with her big assed grin?

"Why are you laughing, Julie?"

"I can't believe you didn't notice. Look around, Mom. We're surrounded."

And oh my God, she was right. There were penises everywhere. Even the spout on the teapot was a penis. But you'd never know it. It wasn't pornography, there were just cute little penis egg cups, salt and pepper shakers...I mean, basically penis knick knacks.

I'm dying here. How did I, the Queen of Smut, miss something like that? Now I had to look in every nook and cranny where I found things with penises I didn't even know could have a penis. I tried to make conversation with Dan, but that proved difficult. Dan doesn't like to talk to strangers. They have regulars who have been coming in every day they are open for the past god knows how many years. I got paranoid that he thought Julie and I were obnoxious downtown yuppies so of course my next move was to start babbling because for some strange reason it was important for me to prove to him that we're not yuppies, we're hipsters. Oy. What can I say, once a neurotic, always a neurotic. Anyway, I started by asking sbout their odd hours.

Dan handed me their business card which spelled it all out without speaking. But we couldn't help but notice the large red lettering at the bottom:

"CARMAN'S COUNTRY KITCHEN. SHE PUT THE CUNT BACK INTO COUNTRY"

Naturally Julie and I really lost it. I realized we're acting like tourists. So what did I say next:

"Dan, I see you have CDs on sale here. You're a musician? Julie's a musician. My son is a musician..." Yes. It is somehow important to me to convince Dan and Carman that we are cool.

Now Julie was no longer smiling.

"Here. You need to taste this," she said, putting such a huge piece of pancake on a fork that even Homer Simpson wouldn't be able to handle it but I had no choice, she was dripping syrup all over my eggplant potato spinach omelet (yeah, don't ask, but it was really good) so I had to take it all in my mouth, every bit of it, which was pretty funny considering all the erect penises everywhere and of course that thought occurred to me while I was, um, trying to swallow which didn't help things.

I had syrup coming out of my nose trying not to laugh.

Anyway, how weird is this. Not only does this place have the strangest hours, Friday through Monday, 8:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., the four items do not change throughout the day...they change on Saturdays only.

Julie and I tried to figure that out. If you are open Friday through Monday, wouldn't it make sense to run your specials Friday through Monday? But no. They serve the same thing Saturday, Sunday, Monday....and Friday. Then change up on Saturday.

I was wondering about those strawberries...how they'd hold up and all, but Julie reminded me that I am an idiot and while the menu stays the same, new strawberries would of course be used.

Anyway, bottom line -- the food in this place is fabulous, the atmosphere insane....the owner and her assistant prima donnas -- Julie and I can't wait to go back.

I ended up spending the rest of the weekend contemplating the state of my new novel (much better), the state of my diet (I'm determined to lose another ten pounds by the end of this month), and I also managed a lot of time outdoors in that gorgeous spring weather.

Today of course it is pitch black in here and we're expecting vicious thunderstorms on and off throughout the day.

Yay! Just the kind of atmosphere for me to write! I'm serious. I love it in here right now. Dark and quiet -- except for a Nick Lowe Tribute I downloaded or is that uploaded on my iPod...I'm listening to Cracking Up performed by Tom Petty which is strangely very good as is the cover of Cruel to be Kind by Marshall Crenshaw -- Julie is back in school as her spring break is now history, and Eric is at the aforesaid recording studio.

Time to get busy with the pen and journal. Maybe this month will finally see the completion of my book?

Later,
xo