I Wanna Be Sedated

Oh man, do I have the holiday blues.

I walked into work this morning with Julie, who had to take an early train to the recording studio because today they’re laying down the tracks for Iron Man and since recording is her major in college, she’s responsible for doing overdubbing, etc. even though the studio is famous – in fact, they just did the remix of the John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band CD and worked closely with Yoko and Sean. Eric laid down the tracks for ten songs and his work is done – Julie will be in the studio for the entire month of January though her four songs are finished as well because she’s a part of the production staff and I think that’s awesome and I’m way proud of her.

But…

All week, every time I asked her a question, she was too tired to answer because I would annoy her when she got home at night. So this morning on the walk in I tried again, only this time she was too stressed because she’s leaving for New York right after the session today where she’s spending the weekend with her boyfriend.

It’s not like I’m this prying parent – I give her total freedom and never bother her. I’m honestly interested to know if she’s heard any John Lennon stories; I know she’s recording Markie Ramone on Monday doing I Wanna Be Sedated…but she bit my head off, leaving me in tears at the moment. She knows what a music nut I am; especially what a Lennon nut– it’s almost like she’s punishing me and for what, I don’t know.

She couldn’t even tell me the name of the hotel in New York where she’s staying this weekend but luckily I remembered it from the first time she told me though I feigned ignorance just to see if she’d talk to me.

I have a cell phone if you need me, she said.

Yeah, but every time I try it, I get your answering machine, I replied.

My phone is on all the time. I get no service. I have a crappy phone, she snapped back.

And so it went on like this for the entire mile, mile and a half of our walk.

This is the first New Years Eve we won’t be together and I know kids are self-absorbed; I know she’s a sophomore in college, but I thought our friendship/relationship was better than that. She’s barely spoken to me all week, and when she has, it’s been ugly.

Oh fuck it. Julie’s a great kid. I guess all parents go through this. My son has been more open with me but he’s been missing in action – he goes out at night after the recording sessions because he has a ton of friends and they're all on holiday break from school.

I guess my real problem is I’m getting older and am having a hard time dealing with it as I’m part of that “Hope I Die Before I Get Old” generation only now that I am old, hell if I want to die but hell if I want to be considered uncool, either; I’m struggling with severe depression; my diet has been just terrible which I know adds to it all…but if I could just go somewhere and really cry right now, I’d probably feel a lot better.

Or, if I could go to a nice tropical beach…

Oh god, that just made me think of the tsunami. Now I feel like a whining bitch for caring about anything else.

Actually, I have some leads for charities to whom you can donate money where it won’t line the pockets of the wrong people. Here's a brilliant idea courtesy of my good friend, author Kay Sexton:

"At the moment, disaster relief is all they need, and that's best done by the local charities, hospitals and churches working with the international teams who are already flying in.

In the longer term, please consider Intermediate Technology Development Group - www.itdg.org - an amazing group that helps find, supply, design or fund appropriate technology for the world's poorest regions. I've been lucky enough to watch them at work several times and they are brilliant at helping communities find ways round problems. In India I saw them create a drip irrigation system that covered nearly twice as much cropland as the old western pump system AND didn't need trees to be cut down to clear the land for the irrigators. In Mali they helped a village create a solar laundry and bath house. If any group can improve the lives of the surviors in the long term, I think it's ITDG. And like most good groups, they work quietly and well and never have enough money. And they design disaster mitigation systems ..."

Also, and this is Robin speaking now, please consider donating to Doctors without Borders. You can access their website here: Doctors Without Borders.

Yeah, as I said in a former post, I'm a bottom line person and I just realized, little tiffs with my equally hormonal daughter are just tiny blips on the big screen of life. I know she loves me and I love her with all my heart and soul. There is real suffering going on in South Asia right now...way beyond the scope of anything we can imagine...and we need to help out any way we can.