Not just heartsick, devastated...

I stayed up all night, weeping.

And now I just heard the Republican's gleefully announce that they've won Ohio and that President Bush hasn't made a statement yet because "he's letting Senator Kerry reflect on the election results".

And that Bush killed Kerry in the popular vote (I haven't checked this...it doesn't matter...nothing matters anymore).

I want out of this country. Funny how sometimes decisions are made for you. I can't do it - I can't listen to him for another four years. I can't watch that smug face, that smirking moron, being sworn in.

And the Republicans picked up even more members of the Senate and Congresss. We are so, so screwed.

That being said, I'm really sorry about today's installment of my novel posted below. It sucks even way worse than the two prior chapters. I wrote it last night drunk and in pain. It might be my last public posting. I don't have the heart for anything. But again, a friend told me that if I stop writing, then I really have let the terrorists...Bush and Cheney that is...win.

I can't think rationally let alone write anything worthwhile. I just want to go to bed and assume the fetal position.

I don't know how I'm going to go to work today.

I don't know how I'm going to even go upstairs and get dressed.

I knew this was coming -- I was all over America this summer and saw it first hand; that this country isn't made up of the free thinking liberals with whom I associate on the east coast. But when I came back home and told my friends they told me not to worry, that it would all work out, that they had faith in the American people...that they have intelligence, taste, and will do the right thing.

I see Ashlee Simpson on T.V. and know better. She looks good with her mouth taped, doesn't she? I know if I were a guy fucking her, that would be a pre-requisite.