Friday, May 25, 2007

Three Days in Philadelphia...

Okay, this should be called the totally self-indulgent post but there you have it and here it is -- first I see the above Google listing for Three Days in New York City which totally freaked me out; then I've been watching my Amazon numbers all week because when I did a vanity google on Monday, I was shocked to see Three Days in New York in the best seller zone. Now today it's climbed back up a bit, but it's still at a shockingly respectable all time high in sales and you can see for yourself (and order the book har har) right here.

And since you know I do the aforesaid cheesey vanity googles, maybe the reason I have such great numbers is that this BAD MOM was seen reading it at her son's baseball practice!

She broke me up with what she wrote, so I have no choice but to cut and paste it here, even though I did provide the link.

"Baseball Practice and Three Days In New York City

I know I shouldn't be... but I'm a little bit (well OK, a LOT) glad that little league practice was canceled for today. Since my Baby Twinkies are on two different teams this year, it means baseball EVERY DAY of the week except Sundays. So every day my evening consists of me rushing home to pick one of them up, take them to practice.

Of course I stay at practice with them. They like for me to be there and watch just in case they catch that amazing pop fly, or hit a home run or make the most perfect slide EVER onto home plate.

I usually take a book to read in between all this amazing feats. Right now I'm reading Moon Pies and Movie Stars by Amy Wallen. If any of you read Paperback Writer then you know that N.L. Belardes recently interviewed her and wrote a book review. It was a fun and interesting interview, as always and the review really caught my attention so I bought it. So far it's made me laugh out loud about ten times and I'm not even done with the first chapter yet. YUP! That's my kind of book!

Another book reviewed on Paperback Writer that caught my eye was Three Days In New York City by Robin Slick. I took it out to Baby Twinkie's practice one day and read about a chapter and half. I had to stop reading it. Don't get me wrong. It turned out to be a very fun book but... well.... you're gonna think I'm a dumb ass.. and I should have known better.. but I guess I didn't really know... but I should have. It's labeled EROTICA. And yes, while I know what the word means, I guess I didn't really "KNOW" what the word meant? Yes, I can be slow like that.

The book starts with phone sex while she's on public transportation while wearing a short skirt with no panties, per HIS request. Ummm yeah. So anyways, after reading a little bit my face started to feel a little flushed. I looked up and felt like all the other baseball moms were staring at me. Did they KNOW? Can they read my thoughts as I'm reading? Can they tell that my heart is racing? Can they feel my sweaty palms? Did I accidentally mouth the words as I was reading? Or worse.... did they have Three Days In New York City at home? Did they recognize the cover? Are they judging me?

"BAD MOM, reading that smut while at at her kids baseball practice? I mean, what kind of mother does that?"

The crack-ho/nympho kind, that's what.


So I very discreetly put the book back IN my purse, looked around to see if anybody had been able to read my thoughts. If I was Catholic I would have said ten hail Marie's(is that what they call it?) DAMN. I can't even remember what those prayers are called. Not that it matters since I'm not Catholic, so even if I did know what it was called and how to recite them, the Catholic God would look down at me from heaven and say, "Nice try, Twinkie, but you're not fooling anyone!"

That evening I went home, made dinner and did all that other motherly/wifely stuff, then once everyone was in bed, I finished the book. Devoured it, really. Like I said, not only is it "EROTICA" but it's really funny too. It was a short and very easy read. And don't worry. I've learned my lesson. From now on, if the cover has certain key words like sex, erotic, dirty dirty girl, etc on it, I will NOT take it to my kids practice."

Okay, so between that and my Amazon numbers, my day is definitely made today.

In other news, I know Adrian Belew and I share some blog readers but in case you do not visit his blog daily -- big mistake, because he's brilliant -- I really got a kick out of his last post so I have the urge to cross-blogginate again and cut and paste it here. It's about the night he met Mick Jagger:

"twelve years after our first world tour I was touring again with david, this time on the Sound and Vision Tour. we played two nights in paris, april 2 and 3, 1990. after the second night's show david, the band, the crew, and most of our entourage of fifty people went to a chic parisian nightclub to celebrate. the place was packed with excited euros dancing and looking around for david.
mick jagger was there.

I first spotted mick standing at the crowded bar.

"I've always loved your music," I said.

mick gave me the look of Death and moved on.

'gee,' I thought, 'it worked so well with david.'

to one side of the club there was a VIP room which looked out into rest of the club. you had to step down two steps to get inside but more importantly you had to be asked. it was guarded. I walked aimlessly around listening to the music and watching the dancers of paris. all of a sudden I heard david shouting towards me and waving me over to the VIP room.

the velour rope parted and I was in!

david motioned me over to a couch where he was sitting. he placed me right between himself and mick. which is where i spent the evening. david and mick laughed loudly and talked back and forth over me like I was a coffee table. they were obviously happy to see each other.

david was trying to hit on a girl whom he kept dancing with. I tried to strike up a conversation with mick but what do you say? "how do you like your Ferrari?", I asked ever so lamely. "got 3 of them," mick said. "never drive them. they're investments."
mick was far more interested in david's girl.

david is not a "drinker". in fact the few times I've seen him drink I'm always amazed. he gets drunk faster than anyone I've ever known! two beers and he's blasted.

on this night david was happy and amorous and soon a little drunk. while he was dancing with the girl, mick started warming to me. he needed an audience. he began hitting on david's girl. he would get up and dance beside her flirtatiously. then he'd come back to the couch and say to me, "watch me steal his girl". then he'd watch david dancing with the girl some more and he'd laugh and say, "look at that old queen".

this banter went on for the rest of the evening. it was all done jokingly, mick was hysterical. he and david had a great time out-doing each other.

two masters.

it was one marvelous night."

So naturally after I read that, I had one of those moments again where I shook my head in disbelief and said to myself "Do I believe my kids are in a band with this man? Do I believe my husband and I consider him a friend and I know it's vice versa. Oh. My. God."

Yeah, I'm having a good day today. And absolutely no plans for the three day holiday weekend, which I'm going to happily spend in Philadelphia doing as little as possible.

Have fun,