Day 196, self quarantine:
Saturday, September 26, 2020
I’m really appreciating that it’s the start of the weekend this morning. Now I don’t have to call in sick.
Oh, I’m just kidding, I’m not sick. Not in the traditional sense, anyway.
I’m heartsick.
That mentally ill, incompetent moron, who should have been removed three years ago when we first learned he was caging babies, is naming a handmaid to be a supreme court justice.
I can’t even.
All I can do now is keep praying years of unhealthy eating, morbid obesity, and rage induced high blood pressure take their usual deadly toll by November 3, 2020.
Watching him speak just now on the news about his announcement “at 5:00 tonight” like he’s going to talk about the fucking winner of Dancing with the Stars makes me want to jump through the television screen and wrap both hands around that hideous jowly chicken neck and squeeze with all of my might until his yak wig flies off and his eyeballs and teeth pop out and fall on the ground.
It’s simply not possible for me to hate a person more.
Okay, breathe, Robin.
Think about your new rug and the incredible new artwork you’re picking up today.
Also, we’re having Chinese food tonight. We have an unassuming neighborhood restaurant that makes killer vegan spring rolls and hot and sour soup.
I’ve got my autumn food game going now.
So there’s that.
I was distressed from reading comments yesterday to learn about blue jays being the Donald Republicans of the world so now I’m hesitant to tell you about the visitor we had yesterday.
We had a woodpecker.
It’s black and white with a red mohawk and again, we stood there watching stunned like two yabboes who just flew in from Mars.
Woo, a real Woody Woodpecker right before our eyes, doing god knows what to our apple tree.
Wait, excuse me for a minute.
Pecker pecker pecker pecker pecker pecker.
Sorry, I had to get it out of my system.
It’s what I called a penis as a pre-teen and it still makes me giggle every time I hear the word.
Ah, okay, I’m better now.
But I just have to say, Donald is a peckerhead with a one inch pecker and all his supporters are a bunch of yapping, dripping one inch peckers.
Visualize that, people.
Laughing yet?
What, you’re not twisted like me?
Too bad! I’m sitting here laughing my ass off so hard I’m crying actual tears.
Wait...there are google images for this.
Omg, I am dying.
I don’t know which one to pick because I’m laughing so hard I can’t see.
Hahaha okay, here’s one.
Stop laughing, Rob, act like an adult.
Nah.
Never.
Welp, I don’t know about you, but chanting the word “pecker” and looking at drawings of yapping peckers has already made my morning considerably better.
I hope your Saturday is wonderful, too, and includes either happy peckers or happily avoiding peckers.
And on that note, Happy Saturday!
Onward!
