Tuesday, July 12, 2005

I love my kids...I love my kids...I love my kids...must not have stroke...must remember...I love my kids...

So anyone who reads this blog or knows me is aware of how much I love Eric and Julie. But holy shit, they are both going to give me a stroke one of these days.

Let us begin with Julie, who is vacationing with her boyfriend and his family in Hilton Head, S.C. Julie realizes she has a gig with her band on Saturday evening and therefore, it would not be a good idea to wait until Saturday afternoon to take a 3 hour flight home just in time to play bass for four hours. I've been telling her since last week: Julie, please change your flight ASAP. It's not easy to do this during the busy summer vacation period.

I have to laugh. (So I don't cry). I came downstairs to the following three...yes, three...emails from her this morning. Now before you read this, you may not consider the below to be "politically correct" but fuck that. I am no racist and don't have to explain myself or what I think is funny to anyone.

PLEASE HELP ME!!! I'm in tears right now trying to get hold of travelocity... the phones in the house don't allow long distance service, so I've had to use my (and others) cellphone(s). I keep calling and getting to the very last step... right when I think it's going great, I hear the fatal two beeps and I'm disconnected. I even tried Steve's brother-in-law's phone (he has the same one as Eva). I just can't get through and I'm hyperventilating. Please Please Please call the evil company before work tomorrow morning: my trip ID is xxxx and my Confirmation code is XXXX (all letters, it's an o not a zero). My reservation has already been split from the Nicolazzis. I want to change my flight from Savannah to Hilton Head, SC. The flight I want is US Airways Express xxx on Friday, July 15. It departs Hilton Head at xxx AM and has one stop in Charlotte. The flight out of Charlotte is xxx. If I can't get that, then I'll take a xxx AM (flight xxx to Charlotte, and #xxx to Philly - all US Express). I'm so sorry I couldn't do this - this is one of the most frustrating things I've ever had to do. The calls were all so easy - I could understand the agents and everything. It would've been done an hour ago if this stupid island had better service. You'd think Republicans would've put towers all over this place. No, wouldn't want to destroy the golf courses... GAAAHHHH!!!


This is followed by another e-mail, minutes later:

i was even all proud of myself when i was calling... I foolishly thought that i was being a normal adult, that I was actually going to accomplish something, instead of having you do it (cry). call me if i have to keep trying - the good news is from the first call, I gathered that it shouldn't cost more than $130 and that changing the departure city was fine.

love you***

Followed by yet another e-mail a few hours later, in which I foolishly thought I might not have to spend my early morning writing time on the phone with Travelocity:

Absolutely ridiculous... that's all I can say. I figured - hey why not more frustration... JT figured out how to call long distance from the house phone, so I immediately ran into the media room and called. Thirty minutes later, Abreu in the finals of the home run derby. I frantically ran into the other room to look for the other phone so I could watch it. No luck, so I figured it was the evil Travelocity knowing I was on long distance and putting me on hold (before on the cell phones I got direct service). I hung up, and was cheered up as I watched Abreu slaughter Rodriguez in the derby. I was about to go to bed, but looked at Eva's phone on the counter: call travelocity... c'mon Julie, don't give up. I must be stupid because, oh yes, I called again. I didn't want to waste any time, so I hooked up the ear piece, brushed my teeth and did crunches to the lovely muzak. At about 24 minutes in, I figured "oh to hell with them" and reached for the end button, when suddenly I heard ringing. SUCCESS! This time, the agent was a lovely Indian lady who knew nothing except that there were no seats out of Savannah on July 14 or 15th (no really? I knew that hours earlier), and that I COULD NOT change departure cities (contrary to what the lovely Shawn told me earlier). She was so kind to put me on hold several times and was generous enough to connect me to someone from US Airways. I was getting all ready to speak to the wonderful Susan from the airline as the Indian woman gently left me with a goodnight into an unsettling, yet undoubtedly temporary silence. But the silence stretched on and on, and I was wondering where my Susan was. I longed to hear even the travelocity lady's broken english. Hello? Hello? Susan?! ANYTHING! ANYTHING!!!

I can't even cry anymore. It was too funny to even be upset. I say, tomorrow morning book the freakin's $254 7:15 AM flight outta Hilton Head before it's too late.


ps - feel free to make a short story out of this... someone will benefit i'm sure...
Well, all I can say is, I did not benefit. I poured myself a cup of coffee at 5:00 a.m. this morning which has now grown icy cold. I have been on the phone with Travelocity for the past hour and a half. Here's my email to Julie just now:

Dear Julie:

Wtf? Does Shawn never sleep? Because yes, I got him. I don't understand a fucking word he says. I've been on the phone with him since 5:10 a.m. I think I am making progress but i'm not sure. I will let you know....
Oh my god, I'm going to kill myself...my blood pressure must be through the roof, but finally, SUCCESS! My latest email to Julie...and if she isn't on this flight, I am officially disowning her:

Dear Julie:

I could not get the flight you want - it's full. This is the only one I could get, and I grabbed it. So you're leaving Hilton Head at xxx a.m. on Friday. I'm sorry it's so early; they were booked on every other flight.
Your confirmation number XXXX

I may have just lost what's left of my mind. Why the f*** would you hire people to answer phones who can't speak English? Can you please explain that to me? Because you want to know the worst, ironic thing about this whole mess? I WENT THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING YESTERDAY ON THE PHONE WITH SOMEONE FROM INDIA WHEN I TRIED TO GET YOUR LOAN PAYMENT AT SALLIE MAE TRANSFERRED TO THE RIGHT LOAN! I SPENT MY WHOLE FREAKING LUNCH HOUR TRYING TO GET THAT SORTED OUT...WHICH I FINALLY DID. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Love, Mom
P.S. I watched the first part of the Home Run Derby where Abreau got 24 homeruns and was completely freaked out. I'm so glad you got to see it!!!! It felt weird not watching it with you*

So you know what's going to happen, right? She's going to wake up, get my email, and say I CAN'T WAKE UP IN TIME FOR A FLIGHT THAT EARLY.

And you know what I'll say? Oh. I won't be saying anything. I'll be in the hospital, hooked up to life support.


Now let us speak of Eric, who has a gig with his band Flamingo tonight at World Cafe Live.

Eric, I said to him at least three times last night before I went to bed. Please email me info on the show and some photos of Flamingo so that I can post it in my blog today and possibly get you some more people to come see the show.

"Okay, Mom, no problem. Don't know if any pics of the band are on line yet, though."

"Well, then, just get me a pic of a Flamingo or your logo...anything. Just send me something I can post; as well as an overview of your show since I know you have new material and you mentioned something to me that you may be doing some acoustic stuff and some covers and that you will not just be playing drums, you'll be playing mandolin, guitar, and piano as well." (Note: I had no idea my son even played piano. He's one of those incredibly musically gifted kids who can pick up any instrument; in fact, he told me he might take up sax)

"No problem, Mom. I'll email it to you as soon as I'm done talking to my friends."

"Alright. I'm going to bed now. Are you sure you'll take care of this?"

"I promise, Mom."

Ahem. Needless to say, my AOL mailbox only contained the three emails from Julie this morning.

Soooo....all I can say is, Eric and Flamingo, World Cafe tonight, they are the last band to play so they'll probably go on around 10:00 p.m. (yes, yes, another late night on a work day; just call me the law office zombie), and here is the link for more info and to buy tickets: World Cafe Live